I feel worthless.

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After three years of ignoring and suppressing my emotions, they returned last month. It was a good experience to start with, I felt motivated.
However, in the last few days, I got a reality check that made me feel like a worthless leech on this planet. I'm out of work and I have not furthered my education, and when I try to do anything productive, I end up making an ass out of myself. Furthermore, When I read some of the posts that are made on a day to day basis, I feel like an outcast among outcasts. From what I have seen, you guys have meaningful lives. That's the main reason that my post count is not in the thousands by now, my life is meaningless. This problem may be caused by the fact that I suppressed my emotions for so long that I lost control of them. For example, sometimes I want to cry for no reason, but I am unable to. As a result of said suppression, I can experience emotion, but I have become so desensitized that I can not express it. What should I do to remedy this problem? I think if I go to see a mental health professional, I will be labeled a mental case like half of the people that I see on a daily basis. Any suggestions other than seeing a mental health professional and taking psych meds?

I bolded what I can relate to SO well. I was in that same spot when I was around your age, and many years before and after that. Please believe me when I say you are not worthless. My life has become pretty meaningful, so I know what you mean about seeing people post things about that, but I think you should know, at least in my case, it wasn't always like that. And I am sure the same is true in many of those instances you think about. I don't forget my struggles, and where I came from, when I think about where I am today. I know all about suppressed emotions as well. I used to be so numb, slicing myself open was the only relief. DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY FOOTSTEPS ON THAT!! !! ! It doesn't work. I didn't cry for six years, about anything. it sucked, it was like a physical pain. I don't know how to tell you to fix everything, because with me it just took time and perserverance, but I can tell you that there is hope. And I know how hard this is, but the term "fake it till you make it" actually works. I had to act happy, act sad, act angry, just act. In every aspect of life. Now, I watch commercials with puppies and kitties and sob LOL So once again, there is hope. Keep talking about it, with whoever will listen. That helps too. Keep your head up, you'll be fine. You still have the whole world waiting for you. You're young. I'm going to be thirty in June, and it reminds me how bad I f****d up my twenties, but it also reminds me that I can make my thirties what my twenties should have been. It's never too late.

You're not the only one with a meaningless existence...I know I am nothing but a leech on society.
I have zero confidence and am so lazy and disinterested that I can't imagine how I could possibly ever go to a job interview (I would not be able to lie and would just constantly belittle myself!), or how I could hold down a job if I got one - it would probably be so boring that I wouldn't manage to force myself to do what I was hired to do.
I'm sure you're way better than me in that sense though - you're probably able to force yourself to do boring things, which I can't do because I'm ridiculous as hell and I that's no excuse.

And on emotions...Most of the time I feel nothing, I don't really understand the concept of "moods" - does it mean that when you have a certain mood, you CONSTANTLY have some emotion in the backround? My emotions are always momentary, they are there for a moment and then just go away, and I feel nothing again. I don't like it...I'd rather feel more and more often than I do, because I prefer emotions, even very negative ones (expect for anger), over nothing. I don't know. I suppose just like the intensity of existence when there's an emotion at play. Existence in general just is so...dull and gray. I hate the problems that spawn the emotions, but I like the intensity of the emotions themselves.

i have felt that way too.heres my advice.get interested in some type of art.for me thats classical piano and i work hard it and i also compose music as well.art is fun meaningful and there is no right or wrong so you can fail.use your inner turmoil for inspiration.

The key is to go about making your existence meaningful. A kick in the pants can feel like a horrible thing, but if it compels you into making positive change, ultimately it will be worth it. Better to notice now and then do something than to go on and waste your whole life.

Don't be fooled by a post on the internet. The most mundane things can make it sound like someone has an exciting active life. Some people actually do but, when you are feeling low, even the mundane can seem like something monumental. Thousands of posts simply single someone who is opinionated with alot of time on their hands... not necessarily leading highly interesting lives.

Like me. I do not currently have much of a life. Can you tell by my post count?

You are obviously feeling low. It might be a good idea to go get it checked out. Depression has a horrible way of robbing all the joy out of life. If you do have alot of repressed emotions, it might help to find a way to get them out in a controlled manner. If it is something diagnosable then it may be something controllable. Being able to control any aspect of your life helps rewrite some of those negative feelings.

Feel better and be good to yourself.

I feel like that too, I have never worked (Im 32), I dont drive, no friends, family hates me, crap at everything. Sometimes I feel ok but most of the time I feel bad about it.

Ive read lots of books trying to find meaning in life and made life grids where you make a 9 square grid on paper and put in each box a different area (freinds, work, spirituality etc) and then write how you can improve them. the trouble is Im so poor socially and find it so stressful and draining that I cant do most things which would improve areas of my life.

Its hard as most people gain meaning from friends, family, and work and if your an aspie those areas are hard or non existant. Ive heard concentrating on special interests is some form of answer, though it just makes me feel like a looser right now, I feel ashamed of my perseverance.

I try meditating and exercise to keep my spirits up but its only a plaster and doesnt change the causes of the bad feelings.

I feel I have blocked up tears and emotions too, I think thats common for aspies to not be able to express themselves.

this is very wise. for you to suddenly become aware that your life doesn't have enough meaning is, in fact, a gift. most people plod along and never realize this, and will never have the "kick" to rise above it. you can create meanng in your life, and NOW is the time.


yes. how interesting are people's lives if they have hours of time to post on here?

OP, perhaps take one small step at a time to maybe change one thing in your life to give you some focus and meaning. do something to make yourself feel proud, and don't get bogged down trying to overhaul everything in your life at once. it can be overwhelming and self-defeating to look too broadly at yourself. attempt one new thing, or try to improve one aspect of your life at a time.