I just asked a girl out over facebook...FML

Post Reply New Topic

God I've sunk so low for companionship. I'm just so desperate for somebody. They say you have to love yourself before you can love another, but what if your self hatred comes from your inability to find love in others? It becomes a catch 22, a vicious circle that cannot be broken. I haven't been on a date in January, and I'm beginning to see how hopeless and worthless I am. I really feel like I want to kill myself now, rather than endure a life a loneliness. I've been to so many weddings this year as a videographer, and I see all these happy couples, and jesus christ I've never even held hands. How long do I have to wait? Friends youger than me getting married, and I've never even had a girlfriend. I hate them for their good fortune, I hate god for his cruelty, and I hate myself for my failure.

I keep picking at my shoulders. I see this imperfections, and see how imperfect I am, and I pick until it's bloodied and scarred. I sometimes wish I could be burned horribly, because then, at least I would have a reason for being constantly rejected. My perceived ugliness would be real. Instead, I don't know why I'm so undesirable. I dress nice, I listen, I ask about the other person, I smile, I pay for the meals, I keep in shape, and it's not good enough because I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough, and I'll never make my masterpiece, or if I do, no one will give a f**k about it, and I'll go on alone.

So shouldn't I kill myself now? A bottle of pills should do it I think...I just don't know what.

i always thought your username said brianna

loneliness sucks and i don't know what to say but i hope you dont kill yourself

If it makes you feel slightly less lonely, you're not the only one in that situation (the solitude bit). The last time I was in a relationship was a good five and a half years ago. Time does fly... but there's a pretty good saying in my native language that keeps me hoping a bit: rien ne sert de courir, mieux vaut partir a point, which literally means "There's no point running, it's better to start when ready".

Solitude sucks. However, what sucks even more is to get in a relationship and end up getting taken advantage of, or worse, and completely misunderstood. Bit of a long story cut short, I was accused of "never being there" and "always picking fault", and apparently that led to me being cheated upon by my girlfriend at the time. For the record, I:
- Flunked Oxford uni for her
- Spent so much time and money on phone bills solely to her
That kind of story is so common nowadays, too. I'd rather be alone than be with someone who I can't trust, personally. You haven't been in that situation, so you've probably still got a rose-tinted view of people: the average person is thoroughly evil and will stop at nothing to further their own end. There are diamonds in the rough, obviously, but very few and very far between.

Loving someone means you put someone else on the first place. If you have never loved yourself where should you put this person? Are you really sure you dare to love?
The thing is more this, at least what I have experienced with people who told me they are not good enough and no one loves them. Most of them are caught in a cycle of rejection often connected with fear of abandonment and fear of getting hurt.
They run behind people to get rejected and if there's someone who runs behind them and feels for them they reject them. They don't believe that they can be loved, some see in every feeling towards them something suspiciously. This happens usually intentionally. Sometimes people push others away for some reason. To see who cares enough to climb over the obstacles and walls they've built up. Most people give up on them. Some push people away because they don't feel good enough. They think they don't deserve being loved. Some people never have received love in their childhood, they don't even know what it means to be loved. Those who push before they get pushed fear getting hurt.
I would say you should think about how you act and if there's really no one who cares about you. Sometimes people are just blind to love, sometimes it's right beside you.
To solve your problem find out what is the cause why you get rejected all the time and then try to break through this pattern. It's usually a learnt reaction pattern and all this happens subconsciously. Sometimes people get aloof, they are untouchable. So I can't answer your question why just because I don't know more. Someone who is full of hatred has a deeper story but I'm not allowed to crack people's souls.
Think about it, no need to give up on life. If you can't cope it on your own search for help. It's up to you to change your way of thinking, gain a positive setting on life. We are what we think. If we think negative about ourselves we can't find happiness. Being happy means being content; it means accepting yourself as someone who is worth being loved.

Why we adore the ones who ignore us, and ignore the ones we adore us?
Why we hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us?

I woudl give anything to know what i was doing wrong. All I can do is guess, because typically the pattern, if I get a date is: go on the date, I ask to go on a second one, and they never respond. Well, that's not wholly true. Those who do respond give the old line of, "You're a nice guy, and you'll find someone, but it's not me,"

And so I have to guess, and each time I try to do something different in terms of how I act, the questions I ask. Nothing works. I fear I give off a smell or pheromone that drives them away. I wish someone would take pity on me. I'm just so f*****g tired of being alone, and seeing how happy m friends are in their relationships, and resenting them for the ease with which they've found their soul mate. When the f**k will it be my turn for a little goddamn companionship?

maybe you come across as too over-eager. but then its hard to advise you to act differently without suggesting slightly manipulative methods...which aren't the best way to secure a relastionship and would probably end in a mess anyway.

on the plus side- at least you get dates:/

Yeah, the last one was in January...and I can't remember the last one before that...a year or so. I could count them all on one hand, our of hundreds I've asked.

When i try to be myself, women aren't interested, and when I try to be someone I'm not, I'm misrepresenting myself, which is wrong to. What the f**k is left but to kill myself if there's no one then for me, and my life is going to be an every shrinking one as my parents get old and die, and my friends marry and abandon me (as many have already done, and I hope they rot in hell).

It is not always you who has done something wrong. The ones you have approached may be wrong, too. They might have some problems or doubts. Don't give up. Good luck!

You could try doing some digging into pick up art. Go on forums and explain your situation, they would probably give you some help on what you should and shouldnt do.

I think if you really knew the details, you'd find out that those people in relationships that you envy to the point of suicide aren't really as happy as you think they are.

If there's one thing I've learned in all my years it's that romantic relationships are far from a "Life or Death" matter.

For some people, especially those with AS, it just happens late. The problem with suicide, while it may be tempting, is that you'd irreversibly commit to never experiencing love.

There is a bit of truth to that saying you mentioned. You don't have to actually love yourself; the way I take it is that you need to realize that you are who you are; you are where you are now, and not beat yourself up for it. If you can come up with some things you can improve about your situation, doing so may make you more confident. If not, think about what is already good about you. Dig deep if you have trouble; the fact that you have gotten out and are around new people on a regular basis is already a biggie.

The key is confidence, as cliche as it sounds.

Ultimately, you need to stay open to the idea that someone else may also accept who you are, and just live your life until then.

Right.



Wrong.

You can break it, but it takes time and small steps; don't rush. Work on being happier in your own skin and gradually your sense of well being will show through to others. The 'aura' (yes, flakey word I know.. couldn't think of a better one) you project now scares people away; happy people don't want to be 'sucked down' even though unhappy people think that all they need is a helping hand...

I've been where you are and been through it and looking back if I had relied on people to make me happy, I would have been at the whims of others for the rest of my life,.

Work on yourself; you may not get a girlfriend this year, but you will be happier in yourself and may not even care. When you do meet a girl you like, if you come across as being happy, they are more likely to stick around and find out why.

... I sound like a hippy...

I broke my vicious cycle, with the help of an escort. By the age of 22, I realized that my hopes of finding free sex are slim to none. So I manned up, found an escort, scheduled a session with her, and drove to the hotel. (SFX: bed creaking.) One hour later, I walked out of her room feeling floaty and light-headed. My vision kept getting foggy, so I didn't even feel safe driving back. I walked over to a park five minutes away, and sat on a bench, chain-smoking cigarettes. I calmed down a little, walked back, got in my car, and headed home. Luckily, my parents already went Fto bed by the time I arrived, so I didn't have to hide my goofy grin.

For at least three months after, I was a new man: I was more productive at work, polite but assertive with service workers, confident in clubs, and mellow and easygoing with friends. I felt a helicopter came and lifted a giant weight off my shoulders. Women lost all mystery to me: once a forbidden ground, they were now just humans with female parts. The effect started to wear off a few months later, so I went back for a "recharge" with a different escort. Next year, I even found a girlfriend, but I had to lower my standards to date her, since the transformation was not complete, and I was still unable to attract good-looking girls.

Moral of the story? You CAN break a vicious cycle, even one like yours. However, you may have to take a calculated risk and spend money. One thing: if you must pay for it, do NOT go to streetwalkers; they're dangerous as hell, in more than one way. Go to high-class escorts that advertise online. The extra few hundred dollars it'll cost you is very much worth the dangers you'll spare yourself.

I have the same fear, of being alone forever. I also beat myself up, thinking that there is something wrong with me. I experience the same hopelessness you are experiencing every time I approach a woman and don't get what I want. In fact, I hate that feeling so much I rarely approach any women. I am not suicidal over it though. If other AS men can find love, so can I. I know people who never had a romantic relationship until they were in their thirties. They are now in happy relationships. It's not too late.

I have a feeling you are trying too hard. That is what pushes women away. You are not being yourself. You are trying to please them. That is offputting.

The problem then is, "How do I not try so hard?" You might be thinking, "If I don't try, I will never get in a relationship! I want this so bad! How do I not try to get it?" I cannot logically answer that question. It just seems to me that love is something outside of our control. We can't control who likes us and who doesn't. We can't set a time-frame for love to happen. The best we can do is be open to it when the opportunity arises. This belief comes from the fact that I have a 100% failure rate at approaching women and trying to get them to like me. I've tried everything I could. If everything I have tried so far has failed, maybe this is something that I can't figure out or force to happen on my own. I just have to have faith.

Right now I simply rely on faith that if I don't look, just work on building a happy life for me, I'll be able to have a relationship in the future. The main thing that I accept is that I am not ready for a relationship right now. I am not banging my head against the wall trying to figure it out anymore.

Another thing--there are women who like and are attracted to men with AS. There are women who are not. I have faith that there are women out there who will love me for me, because there are plenty of people out there who like me for me. I'm the one who has a hard time accepting the fact that I have AS. They just see me as me. They don't know anything about AS. I don't where a sign saying I have AS. I just act the way I act.

You will have to tell us more about who you're pursuing.

Do you go for women who are athletics or have hot bodies? Because they can have often any man they want. Aspergers is a disibility and it cuts the league you're in down a peg or two.

I don't think this is your problem. I think the problem is within yourself and you seem to need a psychologist analyis and to be put on meds to balance your seratonin.

What makes you think you're in their league? I don't attract "hot" guys because I have aspergers and am not in their league.

Got to laugh how pathetic some guys are with looks.