The Act is coming to an end.

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Uhh I can't do it anymore.......I am not the sweet, naive girl a lot of my family thinks I am that gets overley upest due to her condition rather then her frustration. But I was hoping to keep the act going until I was able to move out of my moms house, I just don't know if that is possible. I am not only avoiding family because of the PTSD, I am also avoiding them because I do not like being around them because they are all a bunch of judgemental fakes who follow social norms because its the 'thing to do.' Not all of them but quite a few. I just don't know how to make this clear...I mean yes at one time I was the way they think I am and I liked the positive attention I got for being what they wanted me to be. But now it is hell because those feelings that did exist do not exist anymore, but instead of making this clear I just keep hiding my true self when I am around them. I drink pretty often, not in excess but I am a drinker my mom, her boyfriend, my grandparents on her side and other's have no idea, and they certainly would never fathom that I have done other drugs.

I don't feel as pathetic as I did as a child but some of the habits still stick.......for instance I now feel quite a bit of anger when people attempt to manipulate me rather then sadness that people dislike me. but I am finding out that its much harder to hold anger back then it is to hold sadness back. I really don't have the stability to move out yet......I have to wait till the 30th to find out if the financial aid for the next semester of college actually goes through and then after that i probably have to start trying to find work since my SSI application got denied. so it will be a while before I can hope to afford to get an apartment which will still likely be split between me and my cousin if she is still intrested. So yeah to put it simply I am kind of stressing about it because I don't know if I can continue this whole act until then without going insane or more insane then I am already.

Funny thing is I'm in that same position. People expect me to be a certain way, but over the past few years certain difficulties has changed that, and yes the me that is and the me that everyone associated with in the past didn't match. But the truth is you have to get better and overcome your difficulties for yourself. What others expect from you, is of no worth. Most of the time, they're thinking of themselves when they want you to be naive and sweet. Be what makes you feel comfortable, and I'm pretty certain that's someone not being overly pressured by PTSD or whatever difficulties you face. Once you're that person, one you're comfortable with, what others deem right from you becomes obsolete.

Feel the need to become someone you're happy with, and not someone they're happy with. Best of luck.

The Act is extremely stressful. Going the other way aint good either, you can't really be yourself without getting hurt or ending up in trouble IMO, but there is a happy medium in between those tow extremes. Its the valley in between where the stress is the lowest, thats my thinking anyway; If your the least stressed out you must be doing something OK.

In the days ahead, that bit of personal experience can/will prove helpful to others struggling with these same kinds of things.


Like someone else has mentioned, that leaves people like us "between a rock and a hard spot".


If that was your initial application and not an appeal hearing, please find a local attorney who is familiar with SSA appeals and ask him or her to help you request a hearing. The attorney will already know s/he must work on a contingency basis -- no cost to you unless you "win" -- so the only expense for you would be to later reimburse the attorney for any costs incurred for copies of medical records (just over $100.00 for me).

Well I have another semester of college starting up, so I can't really handle the stress of trying to appeal and such and going to college at once. I mean it would seem the SSI applicaiton process is not people with mental problems friendly I mean they make it as complex and difficult as possible probably to prevent people like me from appealing since its too much to take on with everything else going on.

Well I don't see how being myself would really hurt anything....I mean sure there will be some disapproval from my family but its going to happen sometime anyways. But yeah I just really can't keep pretending to be someone I am not around them it limits me far too much and only further depresses me. So yeah pretty soon I will have to give up that whole act for the most part otherwise I will fall into that trap of dependency on family or whatever......when in reality I do not 'need' their approval.

Yeah when I say don't completely be yourself, I sort of mean just be sensible about it, i.e. dont smoke a doobie at the family dinner table or something.

well of course, that would be a terrible idea......it would be funny to see the looks on everyones faces but really not worth it in the long run.