well things are not going right

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well things are not going right..and things have never gone right. i have always just gotten by and been oblivious to the bigger picture/the bigger dream/ the bigger happiness of life. i always kept myself distracted with work or doing something by myself and since i have never known how "friends" are supposed to be or even what the f**k a friend is. i have very little to say for myself at this point in my life. no friends...my family is broken due to a family dispute and they havent been around for 4 years and plus they are not ones who ever were good family anyways. always concerned about themselves and money. i only have my sister and my mother and once one of them passes away, i would surely be more alone and more cut off from the world so when crises abound, i would just have one of them to turn to. i have lived on my own for 3 years now with very little success or smooth sailing in my financial obligations. i have never been able to get ahead and stay ahead on my finances. my car of 4 years just bit the dust unexpectedly and now i have to get a new car which will basically force me out of my apartment and back home. and the location of home is a place where i waited for 26 years to get the f**k away from. the town is not for me. and there is very little social/economical/logical reason to move back there and be happy. because even though every town has their life long residents. majority of them have moved on. because to me it is just a town with very little incentive of a future for me. plus since most of my time living there was a living hell in my teens and early 20s, i feel like turning back home just makes me even more of a f*****g failure in life.

and now my mother is telling me that i cant make it on my own and i have to come back home and drive over an hour commute to work each day and stay there at least for a year, possibly two. in the mean time, i know what will happen. i will be miserable, i will be back underneath her wing and have to put up with her BS, i know we will fight, i know there will be arguments, and all of the things that she has done for me she will use to guilt me into doing what she wants, and then when i finally if i get stable, i will move out again. but i will be trapped and alone, and no woman is going to want to be interested in a financial/social/emotional burden like myself...as i know i have to be successful and independent and have a good job and have lots of friends to even have a remote f*****g chance in ever getting a woman to first give a damn and then to potentially care about me and not just for the sex, or the f*****g fun immature relationship, but you know that elusive connection with another human being. and even then, i still have no career, even though i have a f*****g bachelors, going back to school to rack up even more debt with no guarantee of a well paid job after it is the inevitable thing to do, so when the f**k is my break going to happen? and when the f**k am i going to have people who actually care about me and that i have people to turn to in moments of crisis. i just left messages on fb, and not one f*****g person has cared to even try to intervene whereas with their 400 friends, one friend pleading for help, is not worth their f*****g time and plus their wall is too f*****g filled with the latest party pics or regrets from last night or some other f*****g celebrity writing their BS. so a plea for help from those FB "friends" is about as useful as wearing a members only jacket. sure it may look like something, but in the end its nothing and so the FB friends will continue on living their perfect lives without any thought to take action, because hey fb is real life after all. f*****g losers. i want to break away from this life of f*****g misery and loneliness.

I understand feeling that bad and I'm sorry you do now.

Some practical questions:

do you really NEED a new car? Are there other options for living arrangements besides going back home, which will obviously make you depressed? You can live independently, just because your mom says you can't does not mean there is a cosmic edict saying you can't.

How much money do you have saved?

Do you have a job now (I can't tell)?

And, lastly: you can do A LOT with a bachelor's degree. Teach English in Asia, for one. I know that's a far-out suggestion, but there are many options if I know what your interests are.

yes i need a car to get to work. its about a half hour away with no bus lines near by. my savings is not very much so i cant depend on that. a bachelors in other countries might be good, but here in the usa, a bachelors in practically anything even in health care, education, information technology, management, etc, doesnt get you a job. its that whole networking/good references/good interviewing, etc that get you places. i have a "friend" who late last year was interested in moving in together but he is hardly ever around and works alot. plus there are other differences that seperate us. he is not much of a friend more like a former co-worker who can be seen as a friend, but really isnt. and i think he knows that. and i also think that is part of the reason why this whole moving in together hasnt happened as ordinarily it would if we were good friends. so while it is an option, i dont see it as being the best logical solution. so i have to make my mind up and come up with a plan in the next month or i'll be back home in july.