inability to be loved

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I had a quite abusive child hood and the majority of my relationships have been abusive. I did not feel loved by anyone in my life, I dont feel lovable.


I dont know how to make things different.


I feel so horrible inside so disgusting and evil and monsterous. I think people can sense there is something wrong with me and know how awful I am inside, how horrible I am and intrinsicly evil.

I dont think people are able to like me or love me, I think it is not possible. I think if someone ever did they would soon change their mind when they realised their mistake, I would not be able to accept their love or trust them as I would always be waiting for them to realise their mistake and reject me.

I feel beyond redemption, without saviour and so broken and damaged and useless.

I hate myself so very much, I feel so miserable.

I'm sorry you feel this way. First of all I really think you are NOT unlovable or broken or useless. I'd like to believe that logically you know that yourself as well but sometimes we can't help how we feel about ourselves. Learning to love yourself is one of the hardest things to do. I know this because I'm still trying to learn that and the progress I'm making is not nearly as good as I'd like it to be. I have no idea how hard it must be for you given the history of abusive relationship. One abusive relationship was enough for me to shatter all my self-esteem and self-confidence. So I don't know if my advice could help or if it's completely irrelevant. However I will try to advise you to try small steps. Like finding one thing you like about yourself each day (or week) and trying to compliment yourself on it as often as it takes for you to believe it. Then move to the next one. You deserve to be loved. By others and most of all by yourself. I hope this helps or at least doesn't make you feel any worse. You can always PM me if you want to talk.

I think that demolishing a well built belief wall like that has to happen over time, consistently, brick by brick.

Each brick (thought) needs to be countered with awareness... awareness that you're thinking this belief into existence. When thinking negative, notice that you are building the wall. Eventually you can stop building the wall, and start disintegrating it instead, and it's not that soon after you have a hole big enough for free passage through it.

Counter negative thinking with positive thinking... make a list of your good qualities and actions. Perhaps make one of qualities and actions you would like to have or make and then do them (but be careful not to beat yourself up if you don't).

I know this belief of yours is not true, because no one is inherently unlovable. Any un-loveableness is not a factor of what someone is, but what they do... and thinking oneself into believing one is unloveable is one of those things.

Dedicate yourself to it.

If possible, involve the people in your life with it. Have them be reminders.

Best wishes.

Last year, I could have written this thread myself. I didn't think anyone could possibly ever love me and I too had an abusive childhood. However, after a failed suicide attempt, something changed in me. I think I reached the lowest of the low and I could only go up from there or self-destroy. I chose the former.

A year went by and now I'm both happy and loved. However, none of that could have been possible if I didn't start believing that I'm not worthless or unlovable. It's not easy at all but it has to be a conscious decision within yourself, otherwise any efforts you may make will be fruitless.

Are you on any medication?

Don't compare yourself to Hitler and Stalin. You are not a mass murderer dictator or something. And don't think you are alone here, EVERYONE here on the forums are in the exact same situation as you are. I for instance, had to beg for people to be my friends because they never call me, almost no-one ever does. All I do is call people all the time and they don't return my calls. Believe me you DON'T have to be upset about this it merely means you are a better person than your "friends" and you don't deserve their love. Do you have a familiy or some relatives? believe me your own close familiy will never bail on you or something, so yeah...

to sum up, f**k them, you rock.