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as a friend, I am happy if a friend of 12 years finds a friend. as a bi girlfriend I am totally miserable and cannot find anyone to talk to. As a frieend of the man too I am happy for him but also sad unable to speak and wanting to hit him. I have lost a boyfrind and a baby in death too and we have to move and I have agreed to let her go if she wishes. I have to appear totally happy while being suicidal (and don't tell me to " seek help" tablets or counselling would do no good . even this is dangerous . I have found no one who understands.

Can you tell me a little bit more about your story?

I think I relate to you. I had 2 grandparents and an aspie sister that I was very close to. My grandparents moved away in 1998 against my begging them not to. I have pretended to be happy because they wanted me to. But I was lonely without them here. My grandfather died this year. And that doesn't seem to affect me as much as them moving away. I love my grandparents.

My aspie sister got married and moved away and has a baby. I pretend to be happy too with her when we talk on the phone. But now I'm more lonely than ever and have thought about suicide. I am taking Cymbalta so I don't hurt myself physically anymore. But the depression is still there.

Is this anything that you can relate to or am I completely off?

You have some pretty tough things to deal with. Relationships and emotions can be tricky for NT's, but for Aspies they are a minefield.

I am not sure how old you are but for me my late teens and 20's were the worst. I got married at 20. We lost a child through miscarrriage which I could not deal with. I became alcoholic, my wife left, I lost my job and became homeless. Later she died young of cancer. During my 20's I was completely out of control, but somehow I survived and gradually managed to pull my life back together again.

Life has always been tough. I am 58 now and even a couple of months ago I got beaten up in the street because I said something which upset this guy.

One thing you talk about is needing to appear to be happy while inside you are not. WHY? If you can find a way to be more open with people about how you feel, it may help. It certainly works that way for me.

I don't know what else to say to help you, but I wish you luck in finding your way through this bad patch in your life. You have to believe it can get better and I am sure it will.