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nintendogurl1990
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18 Jun 2011, 12:39 am

My life is really suckish right now. I graduated high school a year ago and life for me is actually more depressing than when I was in school. I wasn't sure if I was ready for college, so I didn't apply to any schools, which I totally regret. Also, I didn't apply for any independent living services because I wasn't aware of any programs prior to my graduation.

What makes my life so tough right now is that my friends are busy with work or college or going into independent living services and I just feel so alone and that none of my friends would understand what I'm going through. I've had extreme mood swings, I've gained weight rapidly, and I'm extremely exhausted and just want to sleep all day. My mom's trying to get me a doctor to find out what's going on, but it's taking FOREVER. I can't tell my friends these things because it would probably too much for them to comprehend and it may bring them down.

Sometimes I don't want to live anymore because of my aloneness, but the only thing from that stops me from commiting suicide is my mom and grandma. They're the only reason I'm still alive today because I love them so much and I know that they would be devastated if I was gone.

I just wish I had someone to talk to, like maybe a hotline or something. Any suggestions?



coco88
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18 Jun 2011, 1:49 am

Hi I just found this site and yours was the first post I read. so I signed up right away to post to you.

I just wanted to say I have had those same feelings. I can't say I know exactly how you feel, but I want you to know you are not alone.
It really worried me that you wrote something on suicide. Please call 1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline if you feel you need to ok.
If you want to talk at all you can also email me anytime! Although I am an old lady compared to you @45 - I am a mom to three kids and just want you to know I am here if you just need someone who may understand what you are going through as my son amd myself have AS.. I hope this helps if even a little. Please like I said call that number if you need to and tell your mom asap. Sending you big ((hugs)) You are not alone sweetheart!



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18 Jun 2011, 5:38 am

There's a suicide hotline, but I can tell you at least from my experience--they're crap.

Something like this sounds more like maybe counseling, a good one who'll actually listen.



leejosepho
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18 Jun 2011, 12:11 pm

nintendogurl1990 wrote:
... My mom's trying to get me a doctor to find out what's going on ...

Depression.

nintendogurl1990 wrote:
I can't tell my friends these things because it would probably too much for them to comprehend and it may bring them down ...

I just wish I had someone to talk to, like maybe a hotline or something. Any suggestions?

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nick007
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18 Jun 2011, 10:40 pm

I felt like that myself after I graduated OP. You & others are more than welcome to PM me if you want someone to talk to


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NovaFlame
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19 Jun 2011, 12:32 am

Your not alone, I graduated college a year ago and feel the same way (though I do work and I'm going back to college this fall, thank god). Feel free to send me a pm OP, we can talk.



Anamnesis
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19 Jun 2011, 1:26 pm

nintendogurl1990 wrote:
My life is really suckish right now. I graduated high school a year ago and life for me is actually more depressing than when I was in school. I wasn't sure if I was ready for college, so I didn't apply to any schools, which I totally regret. Also, I didn't apply for any independent living services because I wasn't aware of any programs prior to my graduation.

Mistakes happen. Plus, it's not a crucial mistake - there's always next year. And yeah, the world is a pretty mean place overall, for various reasons, the most important of which being other people's inabilities when it comes to empathy or even recognizing that someone is in some sort of emotional pain.

Quote:
What makes my life so tough right now is that my friends are busy with work or college or going into independent living services and I just feel so alone and that none of my friends would understand what I'm going through. I've had extreme mood swings, I've gained weight rapidly, and I'm extremely exhausted and just want to sleep all day. My mom's trying to get me a doctor to find out what's going on, but it's taking FOREVER. I can't tell my friends these things because it would probably too much for them to comprehend and it may bring them down.

Some posters have already highlighted it: what is going has a word, and it's depression. It's a mean, nasty, pervasive problem, and unlike a physical problem, it doesn't go away over time by itself, more the opposite, which is sad but that's just how it is.

I'd give you pointers on how to feel a bit better if I knew them, but sadly, I don't - I've been in that very situation for just about as long as I can remember. As for the comparison with your friends... there's not much point comparing. Their life might "look" better on the outside - chances are it's not.

Quote:
Sometimes I don't want to live anymore because of my aloneness, but the only thing from that stops me from commiting suicide is my mom and grandma. They're the only reason I'm still alive today because I love them so much and I know that they would be devastated if I was gone.

You've got a firm tether there. It's not the best one, but it's a tether nevertheless. Probably your best bet is to find a hobby of some sort that you really enjoy, something that can keep your mind off thinking that you feel alone. Again, it's not the best course of action, but it's a good temporary measure.

Quote:
I just wish I had someone to talk to, like maybe a hotline or something. Any suggestions?

There's a lot of people around, especially on this site. Quite a few of us have been through similar problems (some are still in such problems, myself included. But heh, I've been suffering from depression for so long that it doesn't affect me much anymore) - so, if you don't want to try a hotline (can't blame you. They're horribad), someone from here might be another possible idea.

I've had a lot of success talking problems over with academic support at university, too - do you have access to anyone you know like that?



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19 Jun 2011, 8:42 pm

I felt the same way when I was your age. I graduated from college and I was working at a dead end job. I also felt very lonely.


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19 Jun 2011, 9:12 pm

nintendogurl1990 wrote:
I've had extreme mood swings, I've gained weight rapidly, and I'm extremely exhausted and just want to sleep all day. My mom's trying to get me a doctor to find out what's going on, but it's taking FOREVER. I can't tell my friends these things because it would probably too much for them to comprehend and it may bring them down.

Sometimes I don't want to live anymore because of my aloneness, but the only thing from that stops me from commiting suicide is my mom and grandma. They're the only reason I'm still alive today because I love them so much and I know that they would be devastated if I was gone.

I just wish I had someone to talk to, like maybe a hotline or something. Any suggestions?

You don't have to tell your friends everything that's going on at once. You can tell them a little and see how they react. They might even ask to know more.


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