Something I cannot get out of my mind.

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Sweetleaf
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02 Jul 2011, 3:16 pm

I thought maybe if I posted it here and got some opinions I might be able to get this annoying thought process out of my head. Anyways as of now I feel like in all honesty there is nothing I have to contribute to society in fact I oppose most things about our so called society. At the same time though since an early age I have been more or less taught that everyone must get a job and you know do something productive.......I feel like I am not very productive. So the problem comes in when I start thinking about suicide(just pondering or if I am actually suicidal). and I mean if I know I am going no were maybe it is the right choice as I am only draining resources for my useless existance.

So yeah I keep having the thought that no matter what I think I am accomplishing right now, in the long run it will amount to nothing.....and then i get to thinking that is a good indicator that I should not be here, but at the same time there are things I do want to be alive for. So yeah its a confusing mindset to have.



VIDEODROME
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02 Jul 2011, 3:27 pm

Having a job is just a means to pay bills and buy food. I don't think anyone really needs to contribute to society. It can be beneficial to participate in society but I don't see how that is required.


Instead of society you could think of what you have to offer for yourself. If you have talents or hobbies you could develop them. Enjoy yourself and have fun.



OneStepBeyond
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02 Jul 2011, 3:27 pm

you have just as much right to be here as everyone else

become an anarchist



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02 Jul 2011, 3:28 pm

You don't have to have a job to make yourself useful. Many of the richest, most "successful" people in the world do so much more harm than good to society. That's why they're rich, because they got to the top by pushing everyone else down.


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Sweetleaf
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02 Jul 2011, 3:40 pm

OneStepBeyond wrote:
you have just as much right to be here as everyone else

become an anarchist


Well every day I get closer to becoming an anarcist......I mean I used to be a patriotic republican(when I was 12-15), then I started questioning that and decided I had no political affiliation, I decided I wanted to be a socialist when I was 16 which did not go over to well at my school...and went back to no specific political/economical stance. But yeah though i feel there are ways a government could work I feel like there is no one competent enough to actually put that into action.......so the next step is Anarchy because everything has been proven not to work and then collapse in on itself.



Sweetleaf
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02 Jul 2011, 3:46 pm

VIDEODROME wrote:
Having a job is just a means to pay bills and buy food. I don't think anyone really needs to contribute to society. It can be beneficial to participate in society but I don't see how that is required.


Instead of society you could think of what you have to offer for yourself. If you have talents or hobbies you could develop them. Enjoy yourself and have fun.


I agree, and I certainly do not feel like I have to contribute to society......but then there is that part of me that does not want to just let go of that learned idea. Its like an internal conflict I mean I know i don't agree with society and i don't actually think I need to get a job just to contribute but I have some little part of me that apparently wants me to know how useless my existance is.



AngelKnight
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02 Jul 2011, 3:55 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
I thought maybe if I posted it here and got some opinions I might be able to get this annoying thought process out of my head. Anyways as of now I feel like in all honesty there is nothing I have to contribute to society in fact I oppose most things about our so called society. At the same time though since an early age I have been more or less taught that everyone must get a job and you know do something productive.......I feel like I am not very productive. So the problem comes in when I start thinking about suicide(just pondering or if I am actually suicidal). and I mean if I know I am going no were maybe it is the right choice as I am only draining resources for my useless existance.


It's up to you how useful or useless you feel you've been. It's not about what others choose unless you let them take the choice from you. Even if it's that little part of you that can't let go of what you were taught.

Sweetleaf wrote:
So yeah I keep having the thought that no matter what I think I am accomplishing right now, in the long run it will amount to nothing.....and then i get to thinking that is a good indicator that I should not be here, but at the same time there are things I do want to be alive for. So yeah its a confusing mindset to have.


Following my career, I won't directly save a single child, or directly protect a single innocent person from harm. But I have a choice to be miserable about that, or be jazzed that I'm learning interesting things, even if these interesting things fail to intrinsically serve society at large.

I choose to be jazzed. I choose to get a woody doing the work I do and being paid for it. If I don't celebrate my own accomplishments (privately, more-or-less), no one will.



Sweetleaf
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02 Jul 2011, 4:04 pm

Maybe I just got called lazy, useless, ret*d or something like that one too many times and took it too seriously. I mean so some people think that about me why should I care?



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02 Jul 2011, 5:03 pm

Having a job gets you money, which allows you to survive in society. But you might as well enjoy yourself while you're here.


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Sweetleaf
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02 Jul 2011, 5:35 pm

Peko wrote:
Having a job gets you money, which allows you to survive in society. But you might as well enjoy yourself while you're here.


Well yes at the moment I have not figured out a way to live without that evil, but I still question my abilities to get a job...right now Im just going to college becasue I can get financial aid which means money to try to live on.