need a hug!! !

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Ive been gone awhile and now i have returned cause i need to vent. my mom is deteriorating fast now. her oxygen is like in the 80's and the dr said that we have to concider that normal now as her health degrades.

my mom is dying been in hospice for awhile now. and i fear when she is gone i will have nothing left. some of her life inshurence money is goign into a trust fund for me but i worry that will e taken from me.

my oldist sister took my old trust fund but all my other siblings got there trust money. just not me.

but i need this most of all! i am unable to work cause of my issues and i need a roof over my head and food!

yes i could live in shelters but is that living?!

or i can live in the getto with no money for internet so i can talk with my boyfriend. but that is as bad as a shelter.

i know my family wont help me. or if they do it will come at a cost.

I have over $1,000 in debt for my mental health bills that i just cant pay! which is stressing me out.

i have been blacking out again (missing time/ doing things with no memory of it ) and i have been having mild hallucination's . its all from stress. i worry ill have a psycotic break over all this. i cant remember things i never know what day it is. I'm just dazed and confused.

i have been telling my therapist and med doctor all of this. they have reassured me i am not schizophrenic but i am still worried. i have had A psychotic break before and this time of my life is supper stressfull.

I am losing the one person in my family that truly loves me.

I pretend to be happy all the time but it is making things worse. i just dont want mom to see me sad.

everything in my life feels like at any moment it could be gone. and im sad and scared.

hug for you my dear just_me.

I can't remember, do you live close to Philadelphia/thereabouts? (PM me if you wish and you don't want to say in thread). I feel like we might be able to figure something out together that could help you a bit.

I'm so sorry about your mother. That is tough. You only have one beloved mommy in this life... well I guess some people have more but most have one and she's irreplaceable and this must be so hard for you watching her and you are a strong person for going through this every day.

PM me if you want to talk about anything.

Universal love and goodwill to you.

~hugs~

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope things will work out for you the best way possible given the situation. I wish you lots of strength and peace. Best wishes.

/hug and take care

*hug* You really deserve one...

*hugs*

i feel so depressed. been blacking out. felling like self harm and liking the idea of painless suicide so i can rest peacfully.

Not gonna do it though. i am just sad.

some good news i talked to my dad he said my sister has not put the money she used back into my trust. but dad said there is still money left in there.

i may buy a plain ticket to England so i can see my boyfriend on our anniversary, and see England for the first time ever and see fall for the first tim ever.

I just need to get away from my problems for awhile.

thinking about commiting myself for a week just to rest.

hopefully it will help so i can just listen to music and cry and be sad without worrying about my mom or dad seeing.

than i might feel better, i just need to let it all out and act a little crazy for awhile. let it out then i will come out of there better.

i have eben listening to [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgT1AidzRWM&feature=autoplay&list=PLE771E9EC9AB64234&index=1&playnext=3[/youtube]

on a loop. i can relate to it somehow. kinda like giving up out of sadness.

I'm admitting myself into a mental hospital on Wednesday .

I'm so sorry things are so hard for you.
The members of WP will always be here if you need to vent.

You don't deserve the s**t your family has put you through.

Here's a Sid Hug. :O)

huggssssssssss just-me. I am really sorry for what you're going through. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

*hug* I hope things get better for you.

thanks everyone i feel better after my stay at the mental hospital. i just needed a break form it all. and some good news i actually made a friend in there. so now i finally have a best friend.

thank you for all your support throughout these years. a big hug to each of you for always being there for me!