Why?

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Why do I feel like I don't want to exist when I am around my siblings? I love them all and I have always felt really close to them for the most part(well not so much my youngest brother but thats kind of an age gap thing) but I was very close to my other two siblings I grew up with. But it feels like whatever connection we had is kind of missing half the time I wish I did not have to be around them. Maybe I just feel guilty because I am the oldest and a terrible example of what they should strive to be.

I don't do well with my brother either.

He's the one who can navigate social situations, which means he'll be able to make connections and find a job. He could never, and should never, aspire to be like me.

When he comes to the area to visit, he only hangs out with his old friends, and implies that I wouldn't be welcome in their company.

Besides that, you CANNOT ask him a question, because he treats every question as if the answer is obvious. He has a "What planet do YOU come from?" kind of attitude. Of course, we here on this forum have our own rebuttle to that sarcastic quib.

I get the same sensation the more time I spend around my siblings this bizzare sense of being at odds, and now I see what they have achieved in relation to relationships and also having kids of thier own. I do find it all daunting and that because I know there is very little likelyhood my situation will ever change I can't see there as being any point for my exsistence, especially when I think that its going to be the same cycle over and over for the next 50 years or so.

also when you said about setting a role model/example to your younger siblings, I am not the oldest I am 5th of 6, but it has stopped me in my tracks recently because I had a chance with someone who I loved deeply but because they had kids I was terrified of being around them because I didnt want them to grow up thinking that the way I am was normal.