I don't understand how people afford to live.

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I'm unemployed so live on benefits, which aren't enough to live on. I've been looking into living with my boyfriend - standard practice when you've been with someone you love for a while and plan to start a family at some point in the future, add to this that he's suffering mental health problems from living where he is, it's all the more important that we live together.

As it turns out if I live with my boyfriend I get zero benefits - so I'd be far worse-off, then take into consideration that my energy bills are paid out of my benefits so if they stop we'd be paying full-price for energy, we'd also have to find the money to move and buy new furniture too. Plus I'd get even less support back into work, so my unemployment would be all the more long-term. It seems we just can't afford to live together...I don't see myself getting a job any time soon and my boyfriend may lose his too, so looks like we may never be able to afford to live together, so what the hell is the point in staying together?

I don't understand how other people do it...there are people in the same situation as me but I can't see how they manage, worse when I see friends who aren't far off from my situation yet they can afford to rent from private landlords or buy their house, they can afford nice furniture, nice things and holidays - HOW?! !! !! !!

I keep looking at jobs and momentarily forgetting that I can't do these jobs, that I'm stuck in a situation where I have no skills or education to do anything but low-level jobs yet I'm unable to work in most of these jobs because of AS. I have no freedom, no social life and no future, when life is short having so much of your life taken-up by poverty, homelessness and unemployment is depressing, then realising this is how your life is always going to be is devastating. Then I look at other people around me, seeing that they got a better deal in life...I just don't understand why it is everyone else seems able to manage better, if they manage then somehow this is all my fault, I just fail at life and am dragging my partner down with me

Last edited by Bloodheart on 05 Jul 2011, 11:27 pm, edited 3 times in total.

If you honestly wanted an answer it'd probably be advisable to ask one of those friends who are in the same income situation as you yet seem to have a higher living standard. I don't know anything about the government assistance programs there, so I can't comment much.

Here in the US, most government disability assistance is not enough to live on without additional forms of assistance such as family, subsidized housing or food stamps. Occasionally an individual will meet enough requirements or be able to use a loop hole in their favor to make life a little easier on them or enable them to get ahead, but generally speaking, one would think the assistance program laws were written by a sadist.

A lot of people probably just don't report minor things like small monitary gifts, food, or other forms of assistance.

I don't think you should aim to live on government assistance your whole life. You should aim for something better....a career.

I'm not aiming to live on government assistance my whole life, the idea that anyone would choose this life is a joke, I have no choice.

I can sort-of relate to your situation, except that in my case there isn't a program where the government helps disabled people with economic support so I'll most probably end up living with my parents till they get too old or die and then with one of my siblings or some other close relative that's willing to take me in. It makes me feel really frustrated and doesn't really help me with my depression

If people are in exactly the same situation as you and they have all these nice luxuries and indulgences, there's a very high chance that they're buying these things on Credit or through a Bank Loan. This is especially the case with many middle class people in Australia, who seem to spend excessively on "luxury/unnecessary" items on credit or decide to take the plunge and take a HUGE home loan and then very slowly pay off the mortgage over 15-20 years. Some cases are out of necessity, but many other cases are about "Keeping up with the Jones" and "Keeping up with appearances", undergoing the belief that material possessions bring happiness. Don't envy these people, as they'll be slogging a LOT in the future. It's not surprising that here in Australia, the National debt (loan/credit) is so high for a country with a relatively small population.

Imo having enough money to buy food and pay the bills (including medical) and other taxes is the most obvious dealbreaker between happy and sad. Any extra money beyond that doesn't provide as much happiness and the happiness will then be dependent on other issues such as how you spend your time and other less "urgent" issues.

I work, and my salary is better than average. After the taxes, however, I pay my ex a considerable sum for child support payments, and from what is left, I pay to make my debts a little smaller. Not so much is left for me to buy groceries after that. I can't afford a car, but at least I have a rental apartment and enough food so that I can work. That's how I afford to live.

honestly i dont know either. Doing the math myself if i had a full time job at what im currently paid it would take me 1.5 weeks to pay JUST my car insurance... I dont know what the f**k people do to not just live but live well in tha condition.

Sounds pretty bleak

Why can you not do those jobs? If it's qualifications, sometimes (here at least) you can get a grant to go back to college.

First of all HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO Bloodheart,

ok I am in the UK too and yes its absolutley mental trying to get benifits sorted out it has taken me over 3 years to get onto the right payment scheme for me,

I would really like to talk to you in more detail about what your getting paid and the type of benifit if you don't mind "obviously it doesnt need to be on here could be a message to me"

my issue at the moment is I live alone in a stupidly large house and I am in a catch 22 situation, I own the house and I am being signed off with anxiety and panic attacks atm.

Anyway there are no real clear guidelines on what you should be getting and also your age can have something to do with it , in the not to distant past I kicked out a a few family members for running up utility bills and leaving me with them, its very daunting and almost impossible to cope with as I have had baliffs around and seize almost everything I had due to my family.

I could go on for a while about this but I can't see it helping you but let me know a few more bits of info and lets see if your on the right amount first as I can assure you the benifits people wont tell you if your entitled to more thats for sure

Having your partner move in should theoretically reduce outgoings on bills/food etc slightly, why would you lose benefits?

I have spare money for 'luxuries' because of disability payments (they havent gotten round to 'reviewing' me.. yet) The flip side is that extra cash can be taken away at any time, so i feel i ought to save/invest as much of it as possible for a rainy decade.

You don't know that till' you've tried them.

Without qualifications or skills (not an option due to finances) I'm limited to three types of job;
1. Call centre
2. Retail
3. Cleaning
Due to Asperger's I can't use a telephone thus call centres are not an option, retail and cleaning is fine however these only offer 16 hours - I need 35+ hours or else I'd be worse off working than I would on benefits. If I move in with my boyfriend and thus lose benefits then working only 16 hours obviously becomes a better option, however we'd still be worse off, and long-term retail or cleaning don't equate to a career or good income. Unless one of us wins the lotto it looks like we'll always be living like this...if we get to live together at all.

Actually one frequent member of this forum works at a call center.

Nope - I think they believe if you live with someone they should pay for everything for you, even if they can't afford to, thus benefits stop...when benefits stop we then have to pay rent, tax and electricity, I'm also unsure as to what happens with my debts, which means our bills are then considerably higher in cost to what we'd save in 'sharing' bills/food.

You 'think' they believe? - check. That could be the answer why other people seem to be doing better than you. Underpayment of benefits is huge - many times greater than the supposed fraud they are always banging on about.

If you dont mind me asking, which benefits are you talking about - housing benefit? One of my neighbours (council tenant/HB/DLA/IS) enquired about her brother moving in a few years back and i think they said he would have to contribute a share of rent, but otherwise things would continue as normal. Had he been eligible for HB too, then i assume nothing financially would change, (except the housing benefit would be drawn from two claims).

I dont understand the issue about bills though - Im on housing benefit, but i still have to pay for electric and water. why dont you have to pay any bills? im missing out here!

Currently I get Job Seekers Allowance (IB), Tax benefit and Housing benefit.
If I moved in with my boyfriend I would no longer get JSA (I checked - if we move in together my boyfriend has to support me totally), we would get some housing and tax benefit but we'd still be paying £260 p/m for rent and tax - this is certainly not bad when you consider privately a smaller property would be at least twice that, it's just still not all that affordable for us right now.

On bills, I pay via Fuel direct which comes straight out of my JSA - I pay something like £9 p/w for electricity, I'd pay more if not on benefits...and if not on benefits they'd likely expect me to pay my debt with them which is between £500-£1K (it's complicated). I do pay bills, it's just the way in which they're paid means they're significantly less than what they should be, so for example; although my energy isn't being cut off it means I have ever growing debts and I cannot switch to a cheaper supplier. I don't pay any of my debts because currently I have debt relief order - like bankruptcy for people who can't afford to be bankrupt - so creditors don't come after me for money, but not sure if this will remain if my circumstance changes (again, it's complicated ).

I feel the need to point out that most of my debts come from supporting my scumbag lazy ex boyfriend and a bunny boiler foster daughter, the ex boyfriend then made me homeless for three years, I was only in this place for a year before then losing my job and have since had over three years of unemployment and the mess that brings - I am useless with money, but the debts come from trying to support myself and other people, rather than on luxuries.

There's just so much to take into consideration and so many things that are not clear - there's only so much information you can get online, the only other source of information is CAB but even they seem to be lacking in information these days and I doubt they could really make it much clearer for us. It's hard to budget when you don't know for sure what you will need to pay.

It's frustrating knowing that if it was not for the problems I have with having AS I'd be working and none of this would be an issue.