Being self-sufficient, learning time/life management, etc.

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I am way too dependent on my parents. I depend on them to make food for me. If I dont have them around, and I go to the fridge, I'm like "theres nothing to eat" unless it's already made or has instructions on the box. And when they give me a list to do, I sometimes do it, but normally I end up wasting all my time on the computer. I'll write out a list, but when I look at it, I just see words scribbled on a page and i don't know what to do. And I don't wanna ask, cus I hafta be independent. Or when i have appointments with doctors, they are the ones who put it down on calenders and call for me. I do it sometimes, but only after they bug me and bug me and bug me.

I don't know if anyone else struggles with this problem. Any help or tips on this sort of thing would be appreciated.

Need is very instructive. For instance, if a person is hungry and has only himself to rely upon; he will immediately work at getting food and before long he will become pretty effieient at obtaining and preparing it.

Need and desire underlie all motivation.

All I can say is I'm just like u! But I do clean the kitchen by doing the dishes and I do the laundry!

You mean you'll make food if there's instructions on the box? Wow, you're way ahead of a lot of 20+ year olds I know of. They're disabled with chronic laziness disorder.

I am chewing on the same problem at the moment with my 9 year old son.
( .... you think "9 year old????", but bear with me. )

He cannot remember the morning ritual of getting up, showering, getting dressed, breakfast, brushing teeth and then playing. It is always muddled up, and play comes first most of the time, .

My point with him is that he has absolutely no problems at all with the following after getting a new video game:

- setting up his console ( connecting all the wires in the right order, disconnecting the cable-tv box, etc., plugging it into the mains )
- starting it up, finding his way through menus that I sometimes consider mind-boggling
- getting accustomed to game specific button combinations in a matter of minutes and remembering them after not having played the game for ages, .
- logging onto the computer, finding relevant game forums and finding out about cheats and hidden extras.

YET - when I tell him that dinner is ready, he cannot remember that he always has to wash his hands before his meal!! !! !!
It drives me nuts.
I do not understand why on one side his brain is perfectly capable of remembering far more intricate routines and shows creativity to achieve his goal ( find cheats ), but on the other side he does not seem able to remember the simplest things like washing his hands before dinner.

I think I chime in with MountainLaurel that it really is 'need' or 'desire' that motivates this behaviour, for which young boy deems impeccable fingernails more important than getting one over a storm trooper via a special combo that none of his friends have figured out yet, .

I'm currently working on equipping my daughter (17) for independence. We started off with cooking. She picked a meal she liked, chicken curry, and I taught her how to make it from scratch. Then every Thursday at 5.00pm, it is her responsibility to cook it for everyone. For the first few weeks I had to stand over her while she did it, but eventually she mastered it. Then for weeks and weeks and weeks, all she did was cook chicken curry on a Thursday at 5.00pm. This went on until we were both satisfied that she was fully competent at doing it. Then we did the same process with spaghetti bolognaise.

A year on and she now cooks on a Thursday and Tuesday. She now has about 8 recipes that she can cook really well and that is what she sticks to. I am now happy that if I died tomorrow she won't starve.

The point is, you can learn independence, but do it one step at a time. Think of the area you would like to improve and get your parents involved in teaching you how to do.

Edited to add: I had a wonderful moment a few weeks ago. I was delayed at the hospital on Wednesday and didn't get back till 6.00. I walked in the door to cooking smells. My daughter had noticed that I wasn't back and that it was after 5.00, which she now knows is dinner starting time, so had started dinner herself. Only the parent of an autistic child can understand what a magic moment that was. Like seeing their first steps.

This is magic! All the hard work you both put in paid off! Giving that confidence and seeing it being applied must be so exhilarating.
What was it that motivated her to take the initiative and start on her own do you think?
Was it more the being used to her cooking schedule or the realisation that it would be much appreciated by you if dinner was prepared by time you got back, or simply that dinner needed prepared at that time of day?

Does MotherKnowsBest's advice encourage you to try some cooking, WolfenNights?

Yes, yes it does.

And, it's nice to know that other people my age struggle with this as well.

I will try my hand at some recipes of foods that I like, and go from there.

I think it came from the confidence she now has in her ability and her knowledge of how things in the house run. Before she wouldn't have done anything because she didn't know what to do or when or whether she should.

There are special recipe books for people with autism. They are much clearer and logically set out and include all the bits that normal books assume you know. My daughter's occupational therapist showed me some, although my daughter didn't like them because she wanted to learn to cook what I cook. So I broke it down for her and she wrote it into her own recipe book. I adapted the recipes I use to make it easier for her. For example, I make basic curry sauce from scratch but I taught her to use a shop bought jar of curry sauce and add to it for fab results.

Perhaps you can ask your parents to help you. You never know, saying you want to learn and take responsibility for dinner once a week might be their special moment.

Good luck.