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This may seem like a double-post (there is another one in social skills and making friends forum that is labeled 'you have to initiate') but the other one is for everyone's experiences and relating (to some extent). This one is merely for venting and advice on what to do.

My mom once always told me that if I want to make friends, I have to initiate. If I want to maintain a friendship, I have to initiate. I remember when she told me this, it sounded like it was solely my responsibility. Fast forward to today. It's been three weeks since I saw one of my close friends (who I also have a crush on). Last weekend was the last time I talked to her. Now I am thinking about how my mom's advice applies here. I start wondering "why is it solely my responsibility? doesn't she play a part in this as well?" and am becoming paranoid that she isn't invested in this friendship as I am. With this thought in mind, I am wondering if I should bother keep this up (she's moving back to NY by the end of the month). Any thoughts or advice?

I don't know about crushes, I stink at talking to crushes.

However, I know the feeling with friends, like you constantly have to be the one putting in the effort.If you really want it to work (and it was meant to work) back off a little and act cool, but not too cool. There should be a balance, and they may think you are acting clingy (heaven's knows I act too clingy sometimes and it drives people away in an instant).

I try to back off but I don't last. I've tried in the past but end up falling in again. I don't know what to do.

All I'll say is best of luck whatever you choose.

I wish I could give better advice than that though.

With her moving away so soon, it's possibly she's swamped with duties, packing, etc. and her social life might be falling behind because of it. I say, give her a call/text/whatever, ask her if she wants to hang out at least once more before she leaves.

Even without the romantic element, I do agree a bit with your mom. It might feel one-sided to initiate, but it will get you invited to things in the future if it's kept up. Oftentimes people don't realize you have an interest in hanging out with them until you plan a few things first, then they catch on. And people like it when others initiate, because it takes the stress of planning out of their hands.

I wish you luck... sorry if I haven't been much help.

Agreed.. it would be nice if other people initiated stuff 50% of the time but maybe your mom's point was that you can't count on them to do that, you can only control your own actions, and initiating stuff leads to results.

Oh and regarding this friend - what can you lose by initiating some social activity with her before she leaves? Ideally she'd be showing more interest but if she's leaving in a month you might as well make the most of the time and invite her to do a few fun things before she leaves. If she declines I guess that would be a big let-down but if you weren't going to see her anyway unless you asked, you haven't actually lost anything. But I do understand it must be frustrating not knowing where you stand with a crush.

Hi Gailryder,
I have read your post and can understand your concerns. It seems that you want to see your friend and would feel reasured of her thoughts for you, if she initiated the meeting , instead of you having to. Then you would feel reasurred, but seeing as she hasnt yet, then its either a choice of you not bothering and never knowing what the outcome would of been if you had, or you have the choice to bother, and contact her, and find out the results, and then you will never have to wonder what the outcome may of been.
I would choose to contact her, just so I didnt need to fill my head up with thoughts of ....'what if' ...

I would casually mention that you's havent seen each other for a while, and maybe thats because you both have been preoccupied with other things, and did she fancy meeting up for a coffee, or whatever . if she says yes, thats great for you. If she says no, and gives an excuse, then at least you have an answer and will at least have a chance of accepting that you's have possibly drifted apart and learn to accept it, and move on.

if you's do meet up,. you could suggest that when she moves away, you could keep in touch by letter, or email, or with a webcam, etc, and maybe see if you could stay for a while in each others home during the holidays.

good luck with whatever choice you make.