life is just falling apart

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sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. it's because you've stopped taking the necessary drug. i assume it's lithium. terrible side effects, but sometimes you cannot avoid taking it.

have your docs talked to you about e. c. t.? i know it has a bad reputation but in some cases it can ease the horror you're going through right now.

wish i had some helpful advise to offer that would make you calm down....but i do not. we all want you to get better and are thinking good thoughts for you. hang in there.

Hello Purchase,

Have you tried alternative medicines to ease the side effects?
Some are good if you can find the good therapist (which is not the easier part).

Maybe you feel so bad because you stopped at once (did you?) your pills and stuff?

Maybe your body disagrees to be deprived from lithium or anything that it misses?
And makes you feel the effect bounce (not sure of the English terms here) of stopping everything too fast?

it's generally a very bad idea to stop such medications in the way you did. People generally need to be slowly weened off.

Go back on your medication and then work with your doctor to be weened off the proper way, under their supervision and care.

I suppose there's a slight possibility you have something other than bi-polar disorder that mimics it. You should work with your doctor to rule such things out if you haven't.

If you do indeed have bi-polar disorder, you must understand it's a neurological disorder and medication is generally required to manage it. There may be other medications to help manage it other than the one you are on.

I haven't been diagnosed with it but my symptoms are those of bipolar 2 - mixed state predominant (hypomania and depression simultaneously, then depression) and my psychiatrist has been urging me to to try lithium. Currently I'm only on an antidepressant/ant-OCD medicine plus an anti-anxiety medicine.

Yeah I should go back on it, I know I should, but I feel there is a scientific reason I feel such a strong aversion to taking it. It's the same feeling I get towards bread or other gluteny stuff when it's been wreaking havoc with my body. I don't want to touch or think about bread then and I don't want to touch the medicine now.

Thank you so much for your kind wishes danandlouie andthank you all for your kind responses.