No end in sight...

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I have messed my life up by cutting myself off from others and I feel like I'm at the point of no return. I thought loneliness would make me happier than bad company but now I feel trapped. I feel even more out of touch with the rest of the world and that I'm just rotting. Every day is a constant battle with anxiety and depression and I feel like I'm finally at the breaking point. I've never really figured out who I really am and because of this I have no certainty in what I want to do with my life, who I want to become, or what to strive for. I often find it hard to make sense out of why I feel the way I do and it is terrifying because I can't solve a problem I can't identify.

This ambivalence and sense of uncertainty is really paralyzing. Every little decision I have to choose feels like it either makes me or breaks me. No sense of direction, no sense of purpose, and nothing but a feeling of being trapped and reliving the same agony over and over. I have no one to turn to or look up and yet I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I constantly feel empty and feel like I can't get a foothold in fulfillment. My life is at an all time low and I feel like I am rotting on the inside each second.

Ditto. I don't think I have messed up my life, but judging by the results most people would disagree. And it is probably my inability to accept I am wrong that keeps me digging my hole. So maybe by wanting to change you are on the way up. Faint hope, I know, but any hope is good.