I just don't have a clue...

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...Just turned 24 last month. I am thinking deeply where am I? What am I doing? I am home all the time. I find it really difficult to leave the house.

I have basically 0 friends. Have I ever had a "real" friend? Maybe 1 or 2 in the past, but those friends moved on.

I'm so glued inside, I just get this warm, safe feeling when I am at home. Even though its not really "home", its just a place where I can be away from everybody else, the outside.

But I am always alone, and there is no one to be away from, I hardly know anyone in my city anymore.

I just get this weird anxiety feeling that drapes over me when I leave the house, and I can't explain it.

I feel like I have nothing. No one to share my life with, and my social network is 0 right now.

Everything feels like a waste, my whole life feels like a waste, and I feel like a failure.

High school was nothing, college was nothing, I didn't grow, I didn't expand, I didn't get over my fears or insecurities, it was all a waste.

All of my missed opportunities, it was all just a waste. They are over. Those people are gone. They will have forgotten about me, but I still remember all of them, and how I should have done things differently. I just don't know if I can, because it feels like I keep making the same mistakes.

Its sunday afternoon, and I am seriously thinking about what I can do, where I can go to get out of the house. Its not a hard question, but keep in mind its not easy to follow through. Yes the mall, the beach, downtown, are easy to think about, BUT what am I going to do when I am there?

I just don't have that certain freestyle mentality that whatever goes be random and hang with the crowd. I mean once I get where Im going, I have to do the transaction, and then get going.

I look in the mirror, and I don't have a style. I don't have a haircut. I never had one. Nothing really "fits" me. Yeah the clothes I have on look decent, and they feel comfortable, but they don't feel like me. I feel awkward in public wearing clothes that seem off, and what style or type of clothing or haircut really matches me is something that I haven't figured out.

When I am out of the house, I always have to wear some kind of sweat shirt or windbreaker. I feel naked without it. It helps cover of my bad posture and my bony thin shoulders.

I don't know what facial expression to wear when I am outside. I try my hardest just to put on a normal face, but it just doesn't happen. It just feels weird. My whole life has felt weird.

I have never been comfortable in my skin, I have never felt at ease, I have never felt like I fit in....ANywhere. And Nothing has ever come naturally to me.

It's really hard to explain, but I am missing something. I just don't know what to do, or where to go. Of course "meet people", "join clubs" etc... are very simple and well-meaning suggestions to get out of my strange anxious depressed rut, but I'm just not feeling those things. I am just missing something even before that. Even before we talk about confidence, and self-esteem, I am missing something before those. I can't explain it, it doesn't make sense.

I am sitting here debating whether to go starbucks, and get a cup of coffee, and I might meet someone new. It feels like a really ballsy decision now to just leave the house, and I have to muster up all of my courage and tell myself not to be a wuss just to leave my car and actually walk into a coffee shop.

from the cold comfort files- try being an old man and going through what you are going through, it is much worse. you are still young and there's still lots of time to turn your ship around.

I think you shout try volunteering. Find something that means something to you. Like CERT or the red cross or your local children's home or something. You will find that the people that volunteer are usually very caring and not as superficial as some people can be. I met my newest friend by volunteering.

I relate to just about everything you said, except my issues made it so I had to drop out of college early--i'm also 25, not 24.

If you have any type of degree, getting a job maybe something that doesn't put any huge type of social pressure on you might be cool.

I feel unfulfilled as well, but this isn't even close to the end of what you can do, just the beginning.

Oh my, that description of your life pretty much summarize me as well. I feel your pain...