I wish I could do more.

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I feel like I'm just a burden......and sure I feel pretty horrible, but why does it matter how I feel? I'm just dragging everyone down so who cares about my suffering I feel like i don't even deserve to be alive. I mean I am 21 and I feel like my 17 year old brother is 10x cooler then me.....if me and him are hanging out with my cousin and any of her friends who are close to my age......I feel like I should just go sit in the corner because even if people are civil on the surface I feel like they must think I am ret*d or something because of how quiet I am......and it does not help that my brother will talk and talk and talk the whole time so I don't even get a word in.

Its like my family is used to my irrelevancy, so they don't really care that maybe I have something to say....though if I go hang out with my cousin without him she sometimes claims to be glad I came alone because he does get rather annoying after a while.....but I still feel like maybe she just says that to be nice or something. I am not sure why exactly I feel so down on myself lately but its really getting to me......and I am afraid to talk to anyone about it because I feel like they'll just tell me I'm crazy or overreacting or something and the last thing I need is to be accused of being an attention whore(for lack of a better term.) Also my cousin claimed I may be able to split rent with her and her boyfriend if we got a two bedroom apartment........but then of course I feel like her boyfriend thinks I am annoying and would prefer me to just go away(this is really based on nothing, I mean he is a quiet dude and has not indicated he thinks that) but I can't get over feeling like there is something negative like that there.

Yeah I am in college and I get pretty decent grades.....passed a class with a b even though I failed to turn in one of the essays because I had too much going on and could not bring myself to complete it.......but I don't have a job on top of college, I freaking live at my moms house and even though time and time again she has proven she does not really understand me and is not much help I still try to get advice out of her which I really should just stop because it only causes her to think I'm being ridiculous and me to get angry because I feel like she does not understand.

sorry if this does not make a lot of sense and is rather long, but I just don't know what to do with these feelings other than feel like a total burden and loser with no chance of ever contributing anything useful to anything..I mean I have some friends who really do seem to care and say none of that is true about me but it does not get rid of how I feel.

I feel the same, except my brother is almost 9 and is the cool and important one.

Yeah I suppose I am not the only one who kinda feels this way...I was sort of hoping for some advice though because I have no idea what to do......I can't really continue very far in life this way.

i do the same but my brother has moved out and he is two years younger. i try not to care too much and focus on what i need to do, if i keep trying to fit in its only going to set me back.

If I could think of some useful advice I'd put it here. I sympathize but unfortunately I think a lot of us are in the same clueless boat.

I never really connected with my cousins even though I had way more same-age cousins than any of my siblings. I tend to float around people, being sort of a part of the group without really being part of the conversation in any memorable or meaningful way.

Personally, I wish people were more into activities than just talking, I can be part of the group and interact and even be funny if we're doing charades or a board game or cards but I get lost in conversation and can't keep up or finding the right words to say or where to say them.

Is there some kind of mutually enjoyed activity you can join in that puts you on more of an even playing field than just talking? Games like I suggested or seeing a movie or baking cookies or something. I know it's not much but it's all I've got.

Yeah that is usually the approach I take, but a lot of times I feel like I can't even do what I need to.....and sometimes I don't even know what that is. I just feel like there is no point to anything....I mean I am in college but what am I doing with it? its just like a way to pass time that allows me to have a slight income(college loans/grants.) but that wont last forever and than I suppose I will have nowhere to go and nothing to do...if I'm not dead by then...for all I know I could get hit by a car or something.

But yeah its all rather pointless considering death is the inevidable outcome anyways.

Idk i went over there today and idk i'm proud that my younger brother has a good head on his shoulders. he seems to know what to do in certain situations and i mean if he is happy then thats what counts.