Such a mess!

Post Reply New Topic

Constantly I feel my mind is treading water and is on the brink of collapse. I'm not even sure how I'm going to put this post into words, and if I do, whether I will choose the right ones.

Firstly, I feel terrible because of the amount of lies I've told, most of them under pressure. I said I'd be leaving here twice, yet haven't done, even though I am more subdued than I was.

Secondly, I constantly have the mentality of not feeling like I am achieving enough, and thus go on to take on way more than I can handle, which results in collapses here and there for a few days, before going on again. I fear that as winter draws in, things will get worse as they have the past three.

If anything, I feel trapped.

we are all trapped here on the hellworld called earth, only some of us realize we are trapped, while the others seem oblivious to anything greater than this big dysfunctional sandbox of the elementary spirit, which they mistake as the be-all-end-all of existence. you are still young and with plenty of time to find your way in life. there will be the winter, and then spring will have sprung before you know it. and the beauty of sticking around and aging, is that everything goes faster and faster, meaning you will always have less time to wait for things to happen.

Hey Ten,

I don't know about lies and suchlike. But I think you're being too hard on yourself.

You seem like a good person, a genuine person.

It's fine to take a break from the site, or reduce your time here. But you have a lot of people here who like you and value you. Take care.

I have done the same thing as you, and eventually I learned to make rules for myself:

1. No more than three errands in any one day. Drop down to one errand per day if not feeling good.

2. No more than one major activity or commitment at a time, besides school or work. Drop down to zero if not feeling good.

These rules have worked well for me, and you might like to try setting your own rules at a time when you feel the most rational, to use at other times when your judgment is not the best.

Saying you're going to leave some online forum, chatroom or game, and then not leaving, is totally normal for some reason. In the future, consider never publicly announcing that you're going to leave, and only informing your friends privately after you have already left (if you ever do leave). Knowing you probably won't leave, it will save you the embarrassment of having made an untrue announcement.

By the way, you're allowed to take breaks from online as often as you want to, and it's not supposed to be a big deal either way. You may leave and return as often as you want, and you don't owe anyone an explanation or apology for doing so. It is your right to do so.

Hi, TPP. I think that MollyTroubletail has offered some very useful advice. Try to be a bit kinder to yourself, okay? Jenny

MollyTroubletail, if only it was that easy!
I always do too many things and put too much pressure on myself and eventually collapse when put under too much strain, however, if I don't, I can never relax and feel depressed because I constantly feel like I'm never doing enough.

I mean christ, I'm on holiday and have all the while been fretting about what to do when I get back!

jenny, I try, I'm always trying, but I always fail. I won't stop trying, but succeeding doesn't seem likely there.

Thanks for the responces, all.

We all make mistakes and as hard as that is to accept for most of us you really have to just forgive yourself and move on. I don't think any of us here will hold on to a grudge over anything you've done on the site so far. It's hard to not hold yourself to such high standards but at the end of the day we're all human, and failure is just part of it (sure not a good part) but nevertheless unavoidable.

I can't improve on what Henbane said one bit except to "second" it...

I used to do that too. Its ok you are still learning whats good and bad for you. In future don't overburden yourself. Maybe you could start by finishing smaller tasks to gain confidence to finish the rest of them?

I hope you feel better soon.

Trigas, yes, I do employ high standards, standards of which I'd like to think I can achieve, when in reality most of the time I can't.

Thanks Grisha.

pree10shun, if only I had more time. College starts in 3-4 weeks and aside from not knowing if I have the commitment for it I have tons of other things to do too, that I don't want to put aside.

Just make up a timetable and finish off as much as possible without thinking about end results. You'll have atleast gotten some of it out of your way. The more you stress the more you'll feel bad.

Well, I am more prepared than I naturally would be. I set out a to-do list a few days ago but didn't set deadlines as I always fail them. Instead I allocated an average daily time period for each task and will hopefully manage, without getting too carried away with doing things like posting here like I often did before this holiday.

I don't set deadlines either. I stress myself more about deadlines than doing the actual work if do.

All the best then. getting started is the biggest hurdle for me.

as far as wp goes, just carry on posting as normal and nothing more will be said- we don't care(in a nice way, not an uncaring way)

with the rest, just try not to be so hard on yourself, and set less strict timelines when you take on tasks- having a set time to do something in often makes you feel pressured (which can result in unproductivity anyway) and down on yourself if you dont manage.

missed you(:

Hey OSB, missed you too

I hope that's the case about the posting. I won't be posting half as much anyway since I have plenty of other commitments which must now come to the fore.

I know, it's just having motivation to get things done. I couldn't leave here, I will need more support in the future I fear, and there is nowhere other than here for it.

To-do lists can be helpful, but I've found a couple of pitfalls with them.

If you feel like you have to get everything on the list done, you can stress out about it. Stressing out will make you even less effective, which will stress you out more, which will make you less effective .....

It doesn't really matter if there are things left over on the list. Some things that you think you should do you never get around to doing, and that's OK. As long as the stuff that's really important eventually gets done, you're doing alright.