Does anyone ever feel your brain is punishing you

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So I try to overcome my problems like anxiety and adjusting to changes and by trying to come up with alternate routines to avoid anxiety but whenever I try to be flexible, anger starts to form inside of me just because I was out late with my boyfriend back in May or so and I always shower at 8pm but it was way past nine so ten o' clock is coming near and I started to feel uneasy inside of me but I try to hold in my emotios but my mind wouldn't let me so I an depressed instead of happy. So I have a breakdown in my car and we finally had home back to my house (he was living with me then). Another time back in June we were out shopping hanging out and I let him borrow some money from me so he can buy himself a PS2 game but he couldn't pay me back because there was no bank in that city where he has his account at so I try to have a good timr still but couldn't because I was depressed and I was starting to lose my concentration in driving. I even nearly got myself ina car wreck when I turned into aparking lot and a car had to turn out of his lane to dodge me and it was embarrassing. I couldn't even concentrate on lot of cars and my suuroundings so we ended up going home. My boyfriend was pissed but I told him I was trying to have a good time still but everytime I try to block an image out of myhead that is bothering me, I can't even have a good time because I am depressed and I lose my concentration. it's like my mind is punishing me for trying to not let my problems get in my way of having fun.

So I feel my mind is punsihing me because when I try to not let little things bother me or I try to be flexible, I get depressed and I lose my concentration in driving and I'm crying and have low self esteem. Does anyone else one here ever feel you are being punished by your own AS mind because you're trying to be flexible and be spontanious but instead you eventually have anxiety and you have a grudge inside of you and you are trying hard not to cry and you are so upset you have to turn around and go home like I had to with my boyfriend back in June because I was worried I'd get in a car wreck and wreck my car and lose my lisence.

Last edited by likedcalico on 07 Sep 2006, 3:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

i'm punished all the time my mind tortures me with everything that i want to do but never will get done no matter how hard i try, and i'm not even trying to fight it at all i let my life go and my mind constantly tortures me.

I feel that my Brain punnishes me, by waking me up at 2:30 in the morning and I don't feel sleepy again, for another three hours.

I think the best example of this, is from an episode of Ren & Stimpy. They had a conscience named Jimminy Lummox. Well Ren had no conscience, so he inherited Jimminy from Stimpy. Then whenever Ren did wrong he would get physically assaulted by Jimminy. At the end Stimpy says, "See Ren..you should always be good, otherwise you'll get the shinola beat out of you!" I think this applies to me in the sense of my brain punishing me. I tend to feel guilty about the most insignificant things. So it's kind of like, my conscience beating up on me for no real good reason.

I felt that way as a kid. There was a chandelier in my apartment back then, and I was terrified of it. I tried to stop myself from being afraid of it, but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't. My parents weren't much help in this case: they tried to convince me that my fear is irrational, but I already knew that. If I only knew that my AS was behind it.

My brain does punish me. It's the only way I ever get anything done. Works wonders, I suggest that everyone try it.

Yeah that sucks, doesn't it? Gaining NT knowledge and understanding... trying so hard to put it into practice to fit in and act normal, but your brain resists it so much. I think some things get easier with practice, self-discipline, persistance - it's just a matter of retraining yourself, but other things are so hardwired in our brains that it seems like it doesn't matter how hard you try to get around it and act normal, your brain is always gonna insist on doing it the aspie way.