My best friend, who has Asperger's, has been helping through a really rough time recently. I was hit by an underinsured drunk driver and it turned my life upside down. In addition to the physical problems (two herniated disks in my neck and shoulder problems) and the financial problems (medical bills I'm going to have to pay out of pocket and damage to my car, which I'd just bought brand new a few months ago), it's brought up a lot of emotional issues. I grew up in an alcoholic household and had some traumatic experiences while I was a passenger in a vehicle that a parent was driving drunk, so getting hit by this person effected me a lot more than it may have someone else. For the first two weeks, I was an emotional wreck and experiencing a lot of PTSD-like symptoms. It's been horrible.
Last week, my friend told me, "You need to protect and take care of yourself; you're the victim here and didn't do anything wrong." For years, I had a lot of anger stemming from my late father's addiction problems/emotional abuse, as well as at other family members for letting it happen. But, family members tried to make me feel guilty or like a bad person for being angry. Because of that, I never really dealt with all that anger, since I wasn't 'allowed' to even fully acknowledge I was angry. When my friend gave me that advice about the accident, something clicked. I realized that I'd been victimized growing up, too, and had every right to be angry; it was a natural response. I've been feeling like I might be starting to let go of that guilt people had put on me and that I might be able to start healing.
Just as importantly, my friend has really been supportive. Calling me to check in on me, driving me to the hospital for moral support, encouraging me to talk to a lawyer, etc. A number of other people in my life who I thought I would have been able to count on for moral support have really let me down. I've gotten some lip-service, been told "If you need anything, let me know," "Give me a call, if you need to talk," etc. But, when I've reached out to these folks, some of them haven't even responded to messsages. I have trouble trusting people to begin with and it's hard for me to ask for help, so being let down by some of these people has been tough and left me feeling pretty down and alone.
So, my friend's support has really meant the world to me and helped me not to become too bitter towards people. Even though sometimes people can be fickle or insincere and hurt or disappoint you, sometimes they can also suprise you with how much kindness they can show you.
14 Sep 2011, 3:50 pm
