My mom attempted suicide

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It has been a really bad day...I am still in shock. Images of blood all over the house like a CSI scene flash in my mind.
My mom was standing there covered in blood wailing "they" wont let me die. She cut her wrists with a kitchen knife at least 20 times...ten or so on each wrist. I was taking a nap while this happened. She told me, "I am sorry I didnt die before you woke up." We got into a fight about her thinking the ruling class was going to kill the whole family if I did not get rid of my artwork along with a bunch of vital documents. I called my siblings all upset about how insane she became. They chewed her out this morning, said some not so nice things because they know my art is everything to me...it is my voice. They did not know how unstable she has become with haluninations and delusions of grandour as well as serious paranoia. I took a nap while she was on the phone with them...woke up with the horrific scene I described. What woke me up was her screaming in a weird tone," they wont let me die, I am the living dead."

I am sooo f****d up at this moment...there are no words for it. I feel irrational guilt for getting my siblings involved in our fight over the art. I feel as if I was at fault for not giving in to her about my art. But I know that is irrational because she doesnt take to me setting boundries worth a d@mn. I have such issues with boundries because anytime I set one with her...I am shoved a ton of guilt trips and shame.

My brother and I took her to the hospital....she screamed like a banche the whole way. I dont know how he drove 40 miles like that, but we made it here. They involutarily admitted her and told us that we would not have any contact with her until she is off of suicide watch. I am worried for her...she does not do well with doctors because she gets an attitude with her and treats them like she knows better than them and they treat her wrongly because their ego gets bruised.

I miss her...I am worn out. This is more than I can handle at this moment.
I hate my life. I sacerficed sooo much to take care of her and then she nuts up and tries to kill herself in response to a firm "NO" she cant get rid of my art.

She has become too much to handle....and I have given too much of my life, my dreams, my hopes, and my future to take care of her. I cant do this any more.
When she gets out...I need more support.

this just sucks....and I feel so guilty for standing my ground. She created this whole situation.

Jojo

I kind of know how you feel and right now, no one will be able to get through to you until you're ready for support. I had a very close friend kill herself once and I remember the feeling very vividly. I know your mother only attempted it, but I imagine it feels just the same.

I wish you the very best, I really do. Be glad she didn't succeed and try to help her to understand your feelings. Right now though try and cry yourself out. That worked a little bit for me. And then when you're ready go see your mother, she'll be needing support.

Has she tried therapy?

Oooh, I just wish I could do more than this but I really, with all my heart, hope something good happens for you both.

However if you need someone to talk to, my pm box is always open!

I'm sorry to hear about your mother. It sounds like she is suffering from some sort of psychosis. This can be caused by a neuropsychiatric disorder such as schizophrenia, however it can also be caused by other medical conditions.

She should be tested for thyroid problems, other endocrine disorders (many cause psychosis), metabolic disorders, and so on. A diagnosis of schizophrenia should only be arrived at by exhausting the other options.

I am so sorry.I will write more tomorrow but you are in my thoughts. Just to be clear you didn't cause anything; she's just ill unfortunately. Anything could have triggered this.

JoJo, I am so sorry to read this. I fear that your mother's illness is causing her to to become distructive.

Please don't allow her to destroy you. You were absolutely correct to involve your siblings. Your mother's illness and destructive impulses are absolutely not to be coped with by a single individual. Anyone and everyone will tell you this.

The best caretaker I know is a woman who helps some of the most difficult people in need I know. The kind of people who's needs are endless and bottomless. The kind of people who will manipulate, cross boundries and guilt trip their helpers and benefactors for more than any human can give.

The gift my helping friend has is the gift of knowing in which ways she can help and what is beyond her capabilities and/or personal resources (ex; available time). Once she's given what she has to offer she quits for the time being and doesn't allow the guilt tripping to enter within her. When she later has more to offer she will do that and only that. Every offering she makes is a conscious choice, which she takes responcibility for, expecting no thanks from those she helps.

However, if a person she's helping threatens her; she cuts off from that person. She knows that her own well being is important enough to guard. And she will enlist those around her to assist in guarding herself against harm at any time that seems necessary.

Your mother may die with her illness; it may even cost her her life. But, JoJo, please don't allow yourself to become a secondary casuality of her illness. Demanding the destruction of your art is an attempt at a kind of killing. In that, she's gone too far.

It's time to think of your own life and well being, you are worth preserving and prospering in life. Enlist as much help as you can in guarding yourself. Don't be guilt tripped into sacrificing yourself to your mother's insanity.

Involve siblings, doctors, social workers, police; anyone and everyone appropriate; this level of insanity and destruction is TOO much for one or two people to handle. Make a life safety plan involving all of your people. Let everyone know the dangers.

I'm sorry that you are going through that. I hope that everything works out.

Thank you all for responding and being so supportive and give such great advice. She has a thyroid problem...she is in thyroid psychosis. She had her throid removed years ago, but for some reason her thyroid levels tend to skyrocket and she goes off the chain like this, but never this bad. Her encdrocrinlogist quit because she kept missing appointments. She kept missing appointments because she freaked out about wearing the wrong thing and she thought bad things would happen if she wore the wrong color.

Anyway....I havent slept tonight...at all. The same scene where she was standing in the hallway in nothing but a bra and her jeans on covered in blood screaming like a banche about how they wont let her die keeps playing over and over in my mind. I close my eyes and it is all that I see. However the guilt has started to reside after some of you told me how I was in the right to involve my siblings.

My sister and my brother in law are coming over tomorrow or later today actually and going to help me clean the house because it really got behind after I spent a month dealing with her screaming and crying non stop.
I feel bad about not involving my siblings before it got to this point, but I was so wrapped up intrying to keep her from drowning, that I did not realize she was taking me under too.

Things have to change when she gets out...I cant deal with her alone anymore. People expect too much of me.
This is a flashpoint that made me realize how incapable I am of dealing with her alone.
I am in a way, mad at her that she decided to try to kill herself because I said no.

My sister and brother work they cant deal with her on a daily basis...I need look into getting more support.
She has a way of rubbing people the wrong way because she can be really narcisitic....she can be a pain in the ass but she is my pain in the ass and I still love her. She was once a beautiful and giving, and dedicated mother...but the last few years have been a nightmare as she has really become destructive and a crazymaker. She has serious medical problems which complicate matters alot. She has a rare disease called mastocytosis which causes anaphlaxis reactions to alot of things and medications. She is actauly medically fragile.

I wish I could sleep. I cried half the night about how impossible this situation seems. I hope my sister does not get mad at me for not sleeping which means I wont be much help in the cleaning up efforts.

My siblings bought me groceries and my brother is getting transfered in my town so he can keep an eye on me.
I have to go home tomorrow. I dont know how I will sleep in the same house she tried to kill herself in. I am really messed up.
My siblings dont see it...but I am kinda falling apart at the hinges. I am trying to stay strong for them...we all need each other.
I wish I had valuim at this moment so I could sleep.

Thank you all for such great advice...I have good friends here.

I been biting myself because the physical pain temporaryly numbs the emotional pain....no sucide thoughts, just something I do when I hurt so bad that I want to numb it alittle. I wish I didn't hurt so bad.
At some level I am really mad at my mom.

I still feel bad for letting it go on till it got to this point...I just thought I could bring her back, but she was just too fargone.
My friend also really tried with her too, but she ended up getting paranoid of him and cut him off.

At some level I am so mad cause I never had a chance in life...soon as I was in my junior year of college...I had to come home and take care of my parrents. My father died a few years ago of lung disease and I got wind of how bad my mom has gotten and been her caretaker for 7 years...I feel my life is in ruins. I need more support but she doesnt seem to think she has a problem.
At least I get a vacation while she is in the hosptal. I need to keep track of her doctors. She needs a patient doctor who does not get upset by her games. Those are hard to find.

hopefully it will be better tommrow/today.

On one small point, Jo Jo, I hope your sis isn't angry with you and I expect she will understand that you, as the woman on the scene have been traumatized by this terrible eperience. It was a horror. Few would have been able to sleep last night from that experience.

You have been traumatized and will need recovery time.

Okay, I think it is entirely understandable for you to be really mad at your Mom. She did something industrially-strength stupid. And she kind of did in the context of an argument and trying to 'win' that argument. And that's both really stupid and really unnecessary.

Now, if you are the oldest sibling, in earlier days, I can see how your younger siblings may have expected you to be point person as far as taking care of your parents. If you have older siblings, that's really not so cool on their part, leaning on you and expecting you to do all this, largely by yourself. Not so cool at all.

Maybe just be very direct with them, perhaps something like, look, I have been fighting day in and day out.

And even if they are younger, they are probably by now plenty old enough that they can start helping out in a major way. You have done your part. It is now time for them to do theirs.

And you have plenty of life left. Please try and look at it that way. Perhaps your time in taking care of your parents has added ballast, texture, something like that. You know, I went back to college in my mid-30s and I did so much better than at age 19. I hit upon the method of pre-studying, which is so effective, it's almost cheating, just an entirely legal form of cheating.

So, you can find things that give you hope for the future. And lean on us here. Use our community here at WrongPlanet.

I am sorry to hear about your mom. I am new here and don't know all of your back story, but does your mom have bipolar of schizophrenia?

again, I am really sorry she did this. please know this was not your fault.

I'm sorry that your mum did that, and I hope that she gets the help and support that she needs. I hope that things improve for your family, soon.

I'm so sorry for your troubles! My mom has schizophrenia and I can empathize with your feeling so responsible for her safety and wellbeing. Take care of you first and then worry about taking care of her. It sounds like you really need rest and support. Hopefully your siblings will provide that for you.