Suicide -- a different perspective

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Mods forgive me, but wasn't sure where this should go.

I wanted to share with the community an epiphany I had a number of years ago regarding suicide that helped turn my life around. It may not be a magic solution for everyone, but perhaps some of you can relate.

I went through a period of suicidal thoughts like some here. To the point that it frightened me enough that I sought out a psychotherapist. In that journey of self discovery I reached a rather enlightening thought, at least to me, regarding my suicidal thoughts.

I came to understand that my mind was actually failing to communicate properly to me, failing to communicate what I needed, what it needed. It was telling me to kill myself, but what my mind really meant was kill the part of myself that was not functioning properly.

You see, I knew there needed to be a change, but since I didn't know what the change was, my mind had made a judgement that an entire system reboot was necessary. Well, of course that can't happen without drastic consequences. So after I had this realization, every suicidal thought suddenly lost all potency. They became more like post it notes to guide me thru changes ahead.

So I used these thoughts as a tool of self inquiry, as curiosities. "Hmm, wonder why I had a suicidal thought around these events today. Okay let's look at everything leading up to it and see how I can improve and grow as a person because of it."

It was this revelation that eventually led to my diagnosis of AS, and thus a road map for improving my life. I have a lot of work to do still, but I'm far more optimistic these days despite the difficulties.

The usefulness of that really depends on how fixed the nature of the problem is. If its a fleeting thing where you feel it but don't know why, that can definitely help. If you feel it, know exactly why, and know that you have no hope for the future in terms of changing it - that requires different medicine.

I have had the fantasy of morphine overdose for awhile now. I just want to go numb...and die.

Be careful with this... it's dangerous... this is suicide ideation and will likely lead at some point to suicidal thoughts and actions.

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Check out my IMDB page!

What part of myself should I kill? Society doesn't want any part of me.

I am most likely going to it... I don't think it will be hard to find where i live.