baby steps....

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...are all I can do.......can't put too much pressure

What are you referring to in this post?

Life? Baby steps help.

breaking down that giant shell that surrounds me. I mean meeting new people and actually building a life.

I have met a couple people here and there for the past few weeks.

Made an effort to try to at least get out of the house once everyday. I don't want to be agoraphobic recluse and paranoid all the time. like I used to be.

I joined a gym. kickboxing, muay thai, mma. Started going a few weeks ago.

Want to be conditioned and then bulk up, but most importantly I want confidence.

I just want to get past that feeling, that I can't approach people especially girls. That feeling where I am always holding back for some reason, and its the most frustrating feeling in the entire world. Its not just about being lonely, its that I can't break past it.

I met a guy and a girl new who are new to the area a few weeks ago, hung out with them a few times.

Been trying everyday to do just a little bit. a little bit. Things seem like they are changing fast.

I am trying to smile and 'Hi' to anyone I can, and get rid of my weirdness.

My life just feels so weird.......so f*****g weird...........either I am going crazy, and the doors are breaking apart, because I just don't give a f**k anymore, or I am maturing finally.

Whatever it is, it feels f*****g weird.......................

Well, if your goal is to get a girlfriend, perhaps it is not a good idea to get to know the girls who are hanging out with a guy, since they probably are already liking that other guy which would rule out you. If she was with a group of guys rather than one guy, that would be different of course; in this case there is no indication she likes any of them.

This brings me to a more general note. Perhaps there is something about you that girls simply "dont like". Now, it is not very polite to tell you plain out that they don't like you. So instead they use body language in such a way that YOU yourself don't feel comfortable approaching them. That way you are mislead to think that it is you who are being shy (just like you said in the post) thus successfully "hiding" the fact that it is them who don't want you.

If thats the case, maybe you should ask someone you can trust why girls don't like you and work on THAT. This might be a lot more productive than working on your "shyness". If girl likes you enough, she will break through your shyness herself and do all the work for you.

I'm not on a girlfriend quest. I don't think like that anymore. I am just trying to meet some people and expand my circle. I'm very very very slow at it, but I hope I get somewhere. I am trying to say hi and even just a few words to whoever I can, and DO it NOT looking desperately. Maintaining my cool, and keeping it simple.

Its just tough because I have along way to go, but I hope I get there eventually. I don't think I can hide who I am........Whatever I say, however I act, I have a feeling that most people can tell.

Tell what? They can tell. I think though that if I don't act bothered and nervous and just try to be myself, at least then what comes out is that I am comfortable with myself.

You need to be honest with yourself. From the following quote that you made in the other reply I know you are thinking in the direction of girls:



I realize that what you are saying is that you are not looking for a reationship, you wanted to be just friends; yet, you still prefer female friendship to male friendship. But if you ask yourself why you prefer female friendship you will see that you do want a girlfriend. You simply can't admit it to yourself.

Now, as far as that girl who hangs out with a guy is concerned. She probably realizes that you are liking her because she is a girl, and she doesn't want to be liked that way since she already has a guy. That, plus also she might feel you are lying to her by pretending to only want to be friends when you actually have feelings towards her and this might also put her off.

Also even if you did reach your "goal" of saying hello and making small talk, I don't think it will look that great from anyone else's point of view. Most guys actually view "just friends" with a girl as a threat to their manhood. It really won't help you from the self esteem point of view once you look at it from other people's perspectives.

Ok I hear what you are saying. I do want a girlfriend no question, i'm just trying to not put all my focus into so I can * paradoxically* have a better chance of getting a girlfriend. Does that make sense?

If It doesn't make sense, then I don't know what to say. Forget about that guy and girl, I just met them and I am not sure. They are new to the area so they don't know much people, and they aren't together.

I have a long way way to go. I don't think I would be successful in a relationship even if I met a girl tomorrow that really wanted to be with me.

I am taking steps it feels like, staying physically active and what not and trying to leave the house.

I'm not going to try that hard or put too much stock of myself in any one girl. Like I said im just putting the effort in to make the approach.

You trying to tell me to look at other peoples perspective and try to judge myself from their eyes......bro Im already kind of a paranoid guy, thats the last advice I need right now. I'm trying to cut that s**t out.