In many respects, life has been and is quite insufferable

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Time for me to lay a sizable chunk of personal agony and woe out on the table for all to see:

I've always been the odd character out in terms of both family and friend life. In grade school I was the kid playing pretend by himself during recess and, during class, inadvertently alienating himself due to social awkwardness. If I was not paying attention, constantly fiddling with items on my desk, calling the 4th graders a bunch of dicks on the kickball field or "acting out" any other seemingly benign shenanigan, I'd be thrown into the principal's office. In roughly around fourth or fifth grade, my parents put me on Ritalin. All of the previous outbursts and, consequently, the childish ebullience was sucked out of me. I metamorphosed into this subdued creature of the living dead. As if kids are meant to sit in a classroom for hours on end and then expected to behave like obedient little robots. All the while I'm on my own without any good friend to talk to except the parents (my best friend from Kindergarten moved away and that was that unless you consider tykes taking the piss and using you as the butt of jokes friends). The sisters at home were older than I and hence higher on the sibling food chain; no help there. It wasn't even a rivalry. It was pure, unabashed enmity. If all else fails, there's the younger one to take our frustration out on.

As middle school rolls around, I'm still taking pills (albeit different ones) for ADHD (and soon enough for Asthma), still friendless and here come the bullies that treat you like dirt. The thing I'll never understand about my parents is how they advocated squealing on authority rather than advising me to kick the s**t out of the fatheaded kid causing mayhem. Soft, suburban lifestyles are what promote this unnatural mindset, I guess. The only worthwhile aspect of life at this point in life is music. I enrolled in band and played trombone for it. I befriend a few other tromboners which were lasting yet wholly superficial friendships. Nothing else of importance occurs during these years of my life so lets skip ahead to high school.

The doctor evaluates me and determines that anti-depressants are what I need to combat ADHD. How much underthetable money is this vile shill of the pharmaceutical companies accepting to overdiagnose and narcotize generation after generation? The social activities I'm in at this stage in the game are Marching Band, Orchestra, Jazz Band and Symphonic Band. The latter three were crucial to my musical development; marching band was a rigid, regimented, militaristic waste of time and effort. Boy, was the teacher of all three a megalomaniac, egotist jerk. Fortunately there was a second teacher who was there to fill us with knowledge instead of feeding his own ego. Music was, and still is, one of the most important things in life. Without out it, I'd be an aimless lost soul. Call it a crutch if you will but it's a reason to get up in the morning. I almost had a fling going on with this girl in the colorguard, however that turned out to be an utter fiasco. Instead of going through all of the humiliating details lets just say my social ineptitude, anxiety and cowardice ruined any chance of things progressing relationship-wise. That's when I got my first kiss. Seventeen. After that, aside from playing in an all-state concert band and deciding that music is what I love most, high school remained uneventful until its end.

I'm going to have to continue this tomorrow. My brain feels too bludgeoned and tenderized to go on. The next chapter will concentrate on college and the present. Ah, comforting anonymity.

Well at least you aren't alone. I'm pretty sure all of us can relate. I know I can. And I'm dedicating myself to tearing down the facade these goons have inflicted on us, with music no less