My Dad wants to take my good bed away.

Post Reply New Topic

When I was younger, I always felt my bed was too small. It wouldn't have been small for a normal person, but I toss and turn a LOT at night to the point where I was guaranteed to wake up in the morning either with my feet on the ground but my head and hands on the bed, or wake up at night from falling on the floor and hurting myself. At that time, I vaguely remember asking my parents if the mattress could just be on the floor so it didn't feel so dangerous.

Since then, we moved 3 times. The first, to a rental home in Peoria, Illinois. The second, to a permanent home there, and the third, to a permanent home in Florida. Throughout it all, that same bed was shipped to each house, and it was one thing that remained constant throughout my childhood, however much I hated it. As I grew taller, it became even worse, and by the time I became a teenager, it was too small even when I stood still because my feet would stick out the bottom. I couldn't even tuck in the root of the sheet anymore because my feet would push it out. Though I never resorted to sleeping on the floor, I certainly contemplated it.

When we moved to Florida, I saw my salvation. In the very room I was supposed to sleep in, there was already a murphy bed. A murphy bed is a bed that stays in the wall and folds down when needed, so it tends to be much harder and less comfortable than a normal bed, but it was just barely big enough that I could handle it, and the best part was that my feet didn't stick out the bottom anymore!

Unfortunately, while Mom was supportive of my sleeping in it, and saw the obvious need, my Dad wasn't nearly as enthusiastic. He felt the bed should only be used when guests come over, because he felt if I used it, it would ruin it. So I only got to use it as a special treat on rare occasions.

After a little over a year, however, I had grown so large that I simply started sleeping in it without anyone's permission because I just couldn't stand how confining my existing bed was and just couldn't sleep in it anymore. My Mom didn't fight it, and since Dad didn't wash the sheets, the idea that I was sleeping in it dawned on him slowly enough that he let it pass.

It has been roughly 5 years since then. I've had to get new sets of pants twice in that time because my existing pants had become too small. I am a much larger person than I was then. Hell, I'm half a head taller than my father now, and wayy taller than my Mom (I was shorter than her back then).

Recently, my Mom felt we should remove the old bed from my room. It had been left there for guests, but no guests ever used it, and since I no longer had any friends, my sleepovers had stopped. Two days ago, we finally got around to disassembling the bed and moving it out to the front room. The mattress would remain in case it was needed, but it would lean against the wall so I would actually have some room in here. The rest of the bed would be placed in the attic, but I guess my Mom decided midway without telling me that it would be thrown out.

What's worse is that I found out today she didn't tell Dad any of this. Dad, spends very little time in the house, and when he is here, he's too absorbed in his own things to notice anything at all around him, so he only just noticed the bed parts strewn across the hall an hour ago. He started shouting at Mom about how this was a bad idea, supplying the following arguments:

1. That both had agreed I was not to sleep in the new bed, ever, when we moved in.
2. That the old bed was a perfectly good bed and we were wasting it by throwing it away.
3. That when he was younger, he had slept in a bed that small, and had no problems with it. I was therefore being spoiled and overly demanding.
4. That I was irresponsible and would ruin the bed if I continued to use it.

I am forbidden from speaking on the subject and making my case, as Mom is the only one who can get away with contradicting an opinion of Dad's, however passively, without him blowing up. Even she can barely get by. However, were I given the opportunity to speak, I would counter his arguments with the following:

1. That since this move has no financial significance whatsoever, it should be my decision, and not there's, how the furniture in my room is used. They rarely even look in my room, so it would make no difference to them. At the very least, I should have had some say in this decision. Besides, Mom obviously didn't agree with him anyway...

2. That bed was purchased shortly before I outgrew my crib. The wood frame on the back is covered with scrapes and dents, and parts of the wood are black. It's not gross or unhygienic or anything, but it certainly wouldn't be a tragedy to throw it away, particularly since no one in the house is small enough to use it. Besides, we're keeping the mattress, so guests can still use that. Hell, my little brother often yoinks the mattress when his friends come over to sleep in his room, and they don't miss the rest of the bed.

3. From what Mom says when arguing with him, it sounds as though his bed was actually larger than mine. Then there's the fact that I'm a far taller person than he ever was...

4. The murphy bed has two scrapes on the side that had to be covered with duct tape. This is because my parents had insisted on a room arrangement where my computer chair was crammed between the computer desk and the bed. When I finally convinced Mom to let me arrange the furniture the way I wanted (the old bed is in that spot now), no further damage to the bed occurred. So in short, aside from a blunder on their part, the bed is in mint condition, and I have been sleeping in it since I was 14 (I'm 19 now). How is its condition likely to change any time soon? Besides, it's a bed, not a crystal sculpture. Unless I jump on it (which I have never, EVER done), I can't see how I could damage it if I tried. I'm currently both a legal adult and a teenager, and in about 6 months, I will be only a legal adult. For once, I wish he'd acknowledge this and realize I am capable of being responsible with my own things.

I'd also add the following:

1. One classic form of child abuse is to refuse to buy children new clothes when they outgrow them. It isn't much of a stretch to consider this small bed in the same category.
2. I have the worst case of insomnia my shrink has ever seen, and it's hard enough to get to sleep at night.
3. Back when I had friends, many of them, including ones who were shorter than me, found the bed too small to sleep in and had to use a mattress or some other means to sleep over.
4. That the bed he is using now, even if it is factored in that he shares it with Mom, is far larger than that bed, and that I'd like to see how he felt after spending a night in it.
5. That he can't make me do anything beyond what the ethics instilled in me incline me to do anymore, and that if he says I'm not allowed to sleep in the murphy bed anymore, that won't stop me from sleeping in it anyway.

But like I said, I'm not allowed to speak. Hell, one time at dinner, Dad was saying how all the republicans are crooked and how the democrats are honest. I remarked that I felt all politicians were equally dishonest, to which he yelled at me for contradicting him and I had to run to my room to get away from the awkwardness. Even expressing a simple opinion he doesn't like drives him nuts. How the hell am I supposed to actually argue with him about something he cares about? It's entirely up to Mom, and while she feels confident she can convince him, if she fails...well, it wouldn't be good.

My Mom is calm about all this, but my Dad is getting fanatical, biased, and immature. Because I have inherited this property of his character, I feel the same way about my stance, so I suppose in that way at least, it's good I'm not permitted to speak on my behalf, as things could get ugly. Still, while I did partially come here to vent, I primarily wanted advice. Anyone know how I can improve this situation?

Kill your dad if you are skillful enough to get away with it. He's a tyrant.

Please dont be offended but your Dad sounds....uhm....kind of officially nuts

It doesnt sound like you can be reasonable with him even if you were allowed to speak(what?)because he doesnt appear capable of using "reason"...It is unfortunate for your mom but I think your best bet is for her to be a mediator in this situation....good luck...maybe time to think about moving out?