littlelily613 wrote:
I have been miserable for a very long time--ever since I was a kid. I absolutely hate myself so extremely, I really wish I could just reverse time and never have come into existance since I am nothing but a waste of space. Even my absolute worst enemies I like more than myself. It just won't go away. I hate the way I look, the way I act, the way I talk. I hate every last thing about me as does everyone else. I have tried going to many counsellors, I have tried anti-depressants. I even begged my doctor to put me in the hospital once as it was the closest thing to "disappearing" that I could think of. I am so exhausted from misery and self-hatred. I see absolutely NO silver linings at all in my future. I don't really see a future at all--nothing different from what I am today anyway. It's not that I WANT to be miserable--I just am. I have no idea what happy is since I never remember feeling anything even remotely close to what I think happy should be. If I have felt it before, then it is HIGHLY overrated since nothing I have felt was very good. Has anyone else ever felt like this and now no longer feels like this? If so what helped you overcome it? Or am I doomed to suffer for the rest of my life like this?
I spent a lot of my life being miserable each day. Eventually I realized two things:
- At the end of the day, it was basically my choice to be miserable or not. It wouldn't really count with anyone else, in any way that mattered, whether I was miserable or not on a given day. I ended up choosing not to be. More importantly, I came to understand it really was my choice.
- In fact, there *were* folks out there that would derive pleasure from knowing that I was miserable, whatever the cause. I discovered that someone else wanting me to be miserable was enough reason for me to deny it to them.
Living definitely isn't easy. But to stay ahead, I found that I just have to say "yes I can" just one time more than anyone or anything else says "no you can't."
10 Sep 2011, 12:02 am
