I'm not sure if I can handle living this life anymore:(

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..... I dunno where to begin.... Ok, I'm afraid of growing old alone, not ever finding love, or even a one night stand for that matter. Please don't write me back with this "you gotta learn to be happy with yourself" bullcrap, if your a woman you won't get it, because you likely could never imagine NEVER having the slightest bit of intimacy in your life, and growing old like this... We're not designed this way.
Well, for the past several years I've been talking to alot of girls online, and presenting my AS in such a way that I'm not labelling myself, but that they could understand... Most of the times they'd just lead me on without any serious intention... They just wanna play games, basically. Here more recently, I've actually managed to hook up with a girl in Nebraska (I live in NC) and I am supposed to move out there to her after next week.... But it's prooving difficult to keep in contact with her now. Though I am trying to remain positive and telling myself it'll work out, I kinda hafta believe this...
But I'm so used to getting let down now.... I know if this doesn't click then I'm gonna finnish off all my pain and suffering with one very final solution.
I feel like I'm constantly marginalized by the world around me, and yet they continuously tell me in candy-coated evasive terms, "deal with it, we don't care about your problems because your a lower form of life, you don't deserve to be normal, you don't deserve to be loved or lusted after, because your a freak, just don't bother us with your looserness"...... And yet, I'm not supposed to harm myself or committ suicide? my life is torture, pure torture... I am wrongly being oppressed by a careless and irresponsible world.
Aside from that this world is primitive, evil...... Barbaric...... I'm starved from a basic need in my sex drive because those in the majority who are higher on their little ladder due purely to their biology, and I don't know if this is ever gonna change... Basically nobody cares, I'm a peon, a looser in this world... Though I may not think i am, society at large does, and i am only one man. I feel so hopeless, desensitized, angry, hurt...... scared.......... I mean what if I am forced to grow old alone like some kind of eunich? I can't deal with that.

Everything else you said was canceled out by this. If there's no real reason why this relationship might not work out, besides your own insecurities, then stop being such a f***ing p**** and GO TO HER!! If you've managed to snare her, you've obviously done something right, which is better than I've done. Don't let your head f**k with your heart's desires.

And if you are seriously contemplating suicide, then go see a psychologist. They have to care because they are paid to do so.

I needed a good swift kick in the @$$... I've been made to feel so fragile emotionally with all my past experiences, getting lead on and dropped on my face and what not..... But your right, thank you.

That's what Dr. Werbert is here for.

Disclaimer: Werbert's doctorate is actually a doctorate in bein' lazy from Billy Bob's Travelin' College and Dry Cleaner.

Yeah good luck with the girl in Nebraska. Even if you have to veiw it as a vacation or a visit by all means do it. I would pack light and plan for a short stay, but if you have the
money to get there by all means do it. I wonder if it is in the south west of Nebraska it
has very few people per square mile out there.

Yeah I'm not going to try to talk anybody out of suicide anymore. It puts me under
stress worrying about it. Though I will say an impulsive motor reaction to get one to
kill oneself can be totalily independent of depression and their situation. It can be
completely biological based and drugs have a 90% of blocking it. Though they might
have a side effect of making 10% go ahead and kill themselves (I made those numbers
up). So if those numebers are true if you try 10 drugs you will solve your problem.

You will find a drug that works or be dead. Anybody seriously considering killing themselves should be on meds! Its like knowing you have cancer and going with some
natural home remdy crap(not taking meds).

Go to Nebraska, f**k your farmgirl, if things fail then we'll talk. Until then, this is all premature.

It's just the usual emotional ups and downs I go through sometimes with trying to establish it lol, i mean it's already established but it's never fully established until I meet her in person. I'm not gonna kill myself. In fact I just finally got back in contact with her. Everything is fine.

Good for you.

hey man im with you all the way there. people suck.
how old are you?

also a week has past, so how'd it go?

and thoguh girls can play such games of leading you on to nowhere, i dont think that actually happens that often. they might just be waiting for a certain move by you, or just still giving you the benifit of the doubt or something...so they keep it interesting, but dont dare crossing the bridge on their own or something of that order.


you could try the dating feature thing on this site..

anyhow, iv seen lots of people here being very inexperienced in these areas just like you...

you may wanna seek some counceling. i dont think meds would be the answer here, since i dont think your actually depressed. feeling liek s**t deosnt mean someone is depressed. if you were you probably wouldnt be trying like that..

You can try a dating site like eharmony that will match your personality more closely..

As well, those emotional ups and downs sounds like an unbalanced mind, and I dont mean scientifically, I mean "mindfully".. My personal faith in science has disappeared since I cured my acid reflux without a single med

There are ways to balance it all out and just be completely content with life.. I was/maybe still am going down the same road as you.. I actually have a date (ya, those havent come around often) and she has so much in common as me.. Had she not come into my life, I would have chosen the universe.. Still might..

I wrote that post nearly a week ago. She dropped out of contact and I haven't heard from her since. NT girls will pretend to like an aspie guy online, but that's about the extent of it. It's just a delusional fantasy game they like to play.
Eharmony is a joke. Unless you fit a specific mold their not gonna be able to hook you up with anyone. And you can bet your ass aspies don't fit into any of their molds.

The other day, I had a dream. I dreamt that a really cute girl from my high school came to visit my college. She wanted my help with some kind of physics problem, even though I know nothing about physics (Like I said, it was a dream). Anyway, she asked me out for coffee, and I told her yes, but I'd have to tell my mom, who had come to pick me up. I go and tell my mom that she can take a hike, and I return to the coffee place, only to find the girl gone. I frantically searched the campus trying to find her, even running into one of my current professors in the process. I couldn't find her, but it didn't matter, because I was so happy that this girl was interested in me.

Then I woke up and realized that it was all a dream. Ouch.

I've had similar dreams, where I meet someone I feel deeply connected with, and then they walk away or disappear, and I am desperately trying to get back to them. Sometimes I wake up shaking or on the verge of screaming.

I'll tell you what I've noticed, certain aspies or "aspies" are just as mean as the NTs. I just got offline with some stupid c**t who was talking down to me because I wasn't some bible thumping christian. Others have pissed me off on other aspie forums....
I pretty much think the people at AFF web site are mostly fakers, based on their reactions and their posts. The "mature" ones lol. In other words, those who are as stupid and mainstreamed and narrow minded and ape-like as they are.
Honestly I'm f*****g confused about everything and it doesn't help when I come to some of these boards and get spat on here too. There's too much hostility and ignorance and BS in this world and I'm sick of trying to figure it all out. Nothing f*****g makes since in this world.... I'm too good to live on earth. I wish someone would shoot me.

Snake

Your style always reminds me of Indiana Jones's whip. I hope you decide to stick around.

I hope you stick around too snake... some of your posts crack me up.

There's some real comedy in your despair, like laughing at Bill Hicks.
Don't let the bastards grind you down.