Well this is kind of frusterating.

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I'm too freaking self concious to even seek any kind of help for my depressed state of mind and other issues...yeah I can get online look up phone numbers or places that don't charge a lot for services. But like I am actually going to call any of them or walk into anywhere....Not to mention I am worried about you know having to give up what little control of my life I do have of my life to some freaking mental health professional that could very well do more damage than good.

My one close friend cannot really do a lot to help, I mean he's supportive and all but I feel like I should not even go to his house and hang out anymore so he does not have to hear me complain about how I feel and see me looking all depressed. There is really no one in my family I can even really talk to about this or that can really do anything to help...As usual I am alone on this one and too freaking self concious to take any action.

until you overcome this, i doubt much will change.
i only recently overcame this pretty much, and decided to get proper help.
and it doesn't help until you let it help.

once you hit bottom, they can't make the damage worse. (not saying you've hit bottom, but i think i did so thats the only reason i reached for help, i felt things could not get worse.)

Yeah still working out how the hell to overcome it, I mean it is hard enough for me to talk to people I know about how I feel. It might not be so bad if I knew more of what to expect. And no I have not quite reached the bottom but pretty close...I mean I have no motivation for college really anymore even though last semester I got As in both of my classes, I can't even seem to get much enjoyment out of things I like....it feels like there is something wrong with my thought process I mean I get kinda numb, space out and sometimes feel detatched on occasion normally......but the past couple of weeks its like I feel unbelieviably depressed beyond reason or am in this weird numb, zombie like state where I just feel like everything is going on around me but I am completely dead to it.

I feel like if I call to try and scedule an appointment with a psychologist or something when I can find one I can possibley afford......if I can even bring myself to actually go in for the appointment.....I feel like if I tell them all that except with lots more specifics things will go in a direction I do not want them to. I mean is it possible for someone who really just wants to start with an evaluation just to see what exactly the problem is to do that and have it left at that until they decide what they want to do about it? or would it end up with me having to just do whatever the psychologist/psychiatrist thinks I should do regardless of how I feel about it? that is what I am worried about...and it does not help that I am anxious about even talking to anyone I don't know about this in the first place.

I know how you feel, you could always try writing down exactly what issues you have and take the letter with you to an appointment if the thought of talking to someone about your problems makes you uncomfortable.

Well I would have to write stuff down otherwise when I get anxious at the appointment I would have trouble remembering what all I wanted to say and probably word some of it wrong. so yeah that would be just to help me remember everything.

Do you have any free services in your area? I don't know your specific problem, but in my area I use programs like NA/AA (Narcotics and Alcoholics Anonymous), we have a LGBT Resource Center that has free counselling, and I know at churches and missions there are different mental health support groups that are free.
I was really self-conscious to go at first, but groups like that are the only time I feel comfortable being around other people. I actually ENJOY their company, because I know they relate. There's also no pressure to share more than you want, or anything at all in groups like NA/AA so it's easier to become comfortable first. AND the best part is that there is no medical records, so it feels safer to open up.

You might have to go through a certain number of therapy sessions to gather information about your behavior/thoughts/life for an assessment, but I think if you told them assessment was a priority (because it could qualify you for much-needed disability money etc.) they'd understand and try to do only the therapy sessions/interviews required for assessment.

I am not sure I mean I am sure there is something....but yeah its a matter of finding it and being willing to go...I don't think anything like NA or AA would help as I don't really have issues like that. But I do live in a city so I am sure they have various things that could help.

Yeah that is kind of what I am after I just hope I can quit putting it off and feeling uncomfortable about it.......I guess part of it is just how my family always trys to put on an act like nothing is wrong when there is something wrong. So I feel like I won't have much support from them...but this is not really about them is it? And I cannot very well keep putting it off on account of that.

Yeah families can be pretty good at putting on that act. If it's any comfort at all you have my and a lot of other people here's approval and support in getting things addressed. Yes 100% agreed it's about you getting better.

+1

If I could figure out a way for you to be happy I would.

Well I don't know if there will be much getting better...but getting these issues adressed might help me make more sense of it which might make me feel a little better. I don't feel I ever really had good mental health, so I don't imagine that I will I don't even know what that would be like. Now if I can quit being paranoid about saying 'too much.' even though they cannot forcibly commit me to a psych ward unless I indicate I am a danger to myself or others.......but then I like to overanalaze and think well can't they do that if they think you are a danger but you don't say you are, I won't have much holding me back except the discomfort of talking on the phone......but I've been more uncomfortable so its not something I can't handle.

Still kind of concerned about they think that I am a danger to myself based on my current level of depression...or if they can only take that sort of action if I actually indicate I am planning suicide or something which I am not. Maybe I am overthinking that particular concern.

Well generally they ask you explicitly several times:

"Have you had any thoughts of hurting yourself?"
[if your answer is yes...]
"What specifically were your thoughts?"
[if your answer is graphic]
"Do you have a specific plan to act on these thoughts?"
[I've never said yes but I've said "I don't know" or "uhhhh" or "kind of"]
"What is your plan?"
[I've said dates I had in mind, methods, etc.]
"Do you feel you'll be able to promise me not to act on these thoughts until next time we see each other?"
[If I said "I guess" or "As far as I know" or "I mean I don't WANT to die," I was allowed to leave freely. The one time I said, meaning it, "I don't know" [You know if you can't promise me you won't hurt yourself, I'm going to HAVE to place an emergency call to make sure you stay safe.} {Uh-huh.] my parents were called to bring me to the psych hospital (with my agreement, I seriously saw no other hope at that point. Even once at the psych hospital they did an initial assessment where I could have said I wasn't feeling seriously suicidal after all. But I was so.]

Heavy stuff, heavy stuff! But my point is that it's pretty much a five-question progression to determine if you're truly suicidal so they only refer you to a psych ward if you really clearly need it and by that point you know you need it too.

Well if I am feeling like I am in danger of killing myself when I go in for the assesment then yeah i would probably tell them that, but at this point as horrible as I feel I am not actually planning suicide or anything and would prefer to you know leave and carry on with my day. But I have had thoughts I mean I even attempted suicide in the past and have thought about it since, I have had pleanty of graphic thoughts about doing it. But no specific plan or anything.

Well sounds like all you have to do now is go for it. Good you don't have serious specific plans to harm yourself but bad you feel this way so hopefully they can assess you and help you emotionally/with disability money/etc.