Depending on another to complete me.

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I am recently single after 6 years with the love of my life. It didn't end badly by typical break up standards i suppose, but badly enough for me, as i now feel like half a person again. She completed me in a way i had never experienced. Before we met i had to drink in order to have any type of confidence in social situations. ive always had problems with self esteem, but being with her always made me feel like i had something to be proud of. she was a social butterfly and i was aloof... always aloof. She accepted me for the way i was for many years, but i believe it was always with the assumption that i would get better, but i never did. Now that we are apart i am drinking again, every weekend like clockwork. drinking and acting "normal" whatever that is. My question to anyone in the know is this. How is another person to live with me when i cant seem to convey emotion in any way other than verbally? When i cant even show what i am feeling how can anyone ever trust that im feeling anything at all?

Hi. I am very sorry about what happened to you. Yes, some people enter in a relationship expecting to change their partners. That is not wise. Specially if you are expecting them to change so basic things. Yes, people do change, but changing on basic things take too long, or maybe will never change. She did wrong.

You should stop drinking. You need to find another way. But the most important thing: you need to learn to love yourself. You are who you are. We are all different. And hating who yo are will not help. "Accept what you cannot change". Accept yourself and love yourself. Only when you love yourself you can love someone else. I would recommend you therapy. Yoga is also good to find peace.

The only way to express yourself effectively is verbally. I do not see the problem with that. Is it that you cannot express physically? Not touching or sex?

You're going through heartbreak.. 6 years is a long time. Its unfortunately very much possible for relationships to end just because certain needs aren't being met and it has less to do with you and more to do with them.

Something that can possibly be tried if you can't communicate feelings other than verbally--is to say it or even express it. Doesn't have to be every hour, but maybe every day or possibly being "romantic" once in a while. Making or taking the person out to dinner or giving them a gift.. not something incredibly expensive, but personal and sentimental.

For guys in particular, sentimentality can work differently. You might be in "love" with the person all the time, but you may not always "feel" particularly sentimental. Just remind yourself to show that you care about them, because people do not last. Many quality people can slip out of our lives in an instant and you'll regret the day that you didn't get to tell them just what they meant.

She was someone you cared about, maybe after some time passes, she can be a friend at least.

No our relationship was pretty normal. We had a good sex life and a good life in general. I just know that she was never convinced by my words, as she is quite an emotional one herself. The fact that i can put on a stone face and speak in monotone about our love made her doubt its validity i think. No matter how well i would explain my feelings she was never convinced. Maybe i should start telling people i date what to expect from me. She had said multiple times that she didn't think i was heartless, but in the end i think that was her basic conception. expressing empathy has always been my biggest problem.

what i said was not productive or appropriate, and i removed it. i blemished your thread with my mistake.

That's sad. I hope that's not the reason why she left. I cannot believe the monotone tone made her doubt of your love. I have always thought you can show love in different ways. This is very sad, because you said you really loved her. I hope she understands she made a mistake and comes back to you.

Yes, I think being honest is basic for every relationship. You should definitively talk about your difficulties from the beginning. But there is also that other issue, people will believe what they want to believe. You can tell them something but they will form their own ideas, and unfortunately many women think they can "change" their man. Mistake.

agreed, i mean after being this way my entire life, who could possibly want me to change more than myself?

have you tried discussing these thoughts with her?

No our relationship is a thing of the past. I try to be in her life as little as possible. Its difficult because we have dozens of the same friends, but I want her to move on and remember what life is like without someone like me in it. We have both said that maybe in the future we will be able to be together again, but if she needs anything more than the person I am currently, than it will never work. I have made great strides in my life in the past few years. Perhaps to the point where people may not realize I am so different without me telling them. I don't feel like I need to change much more. The only thing that could bring us back together would be her lowering her expectations towards my reactions. The funny part is that I'm usually the one to overanalyze a situation not her

I'm sorry to hear about your ex. My ex broke up with me because my voice was so "stern" and I often sounded like I was lecturing her. This was before I realized I had Asperger's and couldn't explain my tone of voice. I often think I should call her up some day and tell her I was "strange" because of Asperger's, but at this point in life I want to keep it a secret.

That must hurt that you have so many mutual friends. After I broke up with my ex, I just completely disappeared from social networking to avoid seeing her. Quite drastic on my part.

Ive had the same thought, maybe it would help her to understand that i really do have feelings and am not hollow. Though i do sometimes feel like i am, but i think it shouldn't matter if I have the disorder or not, problems with communication should not come between people that love each other. Or at least not to that extent.

Your ex broke up with you because of your tone of voice--how petty!

i agree, considering i know from experience that the tone of my own voice doesnt always have anything to do with the topic of conversation.

Oh! Well I wasn't a good boyfriend either. I wasn't exciting enough, and I wasn't much of a conversationalist and she needed someone to fulfill her social needs. I don't blame her. We just wern't compatible, especially now that I know I have asperger's.

It's going to take a woman with a HUGE heart to accept me for my quirks. She's out there somewhere!

But anyway OP, was she your first GF? To answer your question, I see 2 possibilities of conveying emotion... the person has to accept that you have asperger's, and "that's the way you are," or the person has to be satisfied with physical actions. By your tone, they may be skeptical of what you say, but if you perform loving actions, it will validate what you say.

I had a pretty decent social life until I met my husband. He has AS and he is not very social. He does not like crowded places and basically dislike talking to other people unless it is a subject of his interest. I stopped having a social life when I met him. So I assume I have a HUGE heart? I think it is just a matter of wanting to be with the other person, or not. A matter of being willing to give up certain things for others. I liked being with him more than I liked going out with other people.

So, yes, I think your other half, that person who will accept that you have Asperger's, is out there. You just need to find her. And be willing to give up to certain things, too.

I do agree with you that the fail in verbal communication can be compensated by loving actions. For me it is more important to be shown that you love me, that being told "I love you".

I feel bad for you. Hope you find "the one" again...