Any advice? ( About meltdowns)

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i have meltdowns really frequently. ive suffered with depression non stop for many years now . ive read and been told that meltdowns are common with aspergers, but hearing that doesnt make it any easier or acceptable.

im a black and white thinker, i really live in despair and wonder if my next meltdown will be my last. even with having being diagnosed with aspergers, it still doesnt make much sense. ive been depressed for 6 years, (it just seemed to happen one day and that was it) even if there was no drama happening i was still depressed, but when drama happens epic meltdowns follow. it just doesnt seem normal to me, is it really part of having aspergers, always being depressed and living in despair year after year.
im in and out with of hospital with 'help' and im feeling like a failure for not being able to fix myself and falling into more meltdowns.
its come to light that my meltdowns are getting more frequent and worse the older i get, or im becoming more cynical.
i see a psychologist twice a week and have been for quite some time but it hasnt helped me and i still havent been able to find a stable ground or coping method.


do any of you fellow aspergians have coping methods for your meltdowns? are they really extreme and do you have no rational thinking or emotional control? i have no one to talk to about this struggle, as even my small number of family members have gotten fed up, but i really cant help how i am, despite many attempts of trying to rewire my brain. no one in my life seems to know what im talking about or understand what planet i am on. i really am isolated and question my sanity, so if any of you are similar how do you cope?

I haven't had one in a long time. I don't think my method is the healthiest but I escape before they happen. I'll make an excuse to leave and lose myself in a video game or a movie or some kind of escapism. Today at work my boss called me into his office alone saying how I wasn't staying focused enough. It took a lot not to not bolt out of the room, part of me wanted to hit him. I spent the rest of my workday looking at personal ads, not getting any work done. After everybody left I was able to zip through my assigned work very quickly because I could focus. I could go for months without this happening though, so I don't know helpful my experience will be.

Thats ok, I really appreciate your reply though, it helps to hear other peoples experiences too