So sick of my life. I don't know what keeps me going.

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Lately, things with the family have been so bad that I'm finding myself wondering if I am real or just a reflection of an image in a dream. I wish I could bite my tongue and find out I'm just some extremely geeky basement-dweller/hacker in a small basement apartment. This all seems like such a bad dream. What the he-- did I do to deserve living with a 20 year old irresponsible single mother who drops her child on me and has a hair-trigger temper with everyone over things you never even thought of. I'm trying so hard to keep a good eye on your child and keep him out of danger. I'm not perfect. I'm struggling with being a babysitter and trying to be a student at the same time. And trying to maintain enough stability at home so a 72 year old dad whom you worry about won't have a heart attack from all the stress. But he also criticizes me over everything I do. Please God, just move me ahead in time to next May (when I graduate from college) or take me. I'm tired of people crapping on me for liking anime, not being a Christian, being gay, being a socialist. I just want respect. I really want to be independent. More than anything, I want love and validation, which I don't get from this so-called family. Nobody cares about me and I feel all alone in this city. This state is so conservative, I just can't stand it. I wanna go out and protest everything, just like these Occupy Wall Street protesters.

I dream of nothing more than being able to live my and not feel guilty about it. To be alone in my own world.

Yeah, I don't care much for my family either. People have distorted the value of the word. Instead of selflessness, it becomes "I helped you and now you better pay up whenever I ask."

You're not perfect but you're trying and you seem like a really good guy, I wouldn't let anyone take that from you. Its a good thing you help take care of your dad and nephew, but you have your own obligations.

Hopefully things will improve for you after you graduate.

I pray so, because I'm slowly losing my mind and my sense of comportment within the larger society. I am growing ever more disillusioned with everything in life. But the good (maybe bad) thing is, I feel more like taking to the streets with the OccupyTogether movement than doing something to myself.

I'm distant from my family as well, but a lot of that has to do with my initial dislike of them, which slowly turned into the realization I've failed them, and in turn, myself. I'm very disillusioned and angry at the world myself, but I take small solace in seeing how stupid the world can be, how meaningless things are (in a fun way). I smirk and scoff when I hear politicians use talking points, I feel snide disgust at celebrity news, and I laugh bitterly inward at how society churns its cogs.

I'm still alive because of stubbornness. Not being able to come to a definitive conclusion. Probably because an electric clamp on my brain keeps sending me pulsing signals that things may just get better. Or maybe I'm masochistic.

At any rate, I think the fact you're actively helping your family will give you some solace when you enter whatever new chapter awaits in your life. You're being proactive in what you've described, and that's pretty cool.