Right now, I wish I was dumb

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But then again, I suppose we all wish for what we don't have at some point in time.

I really wish I was not as smart... that my flippin IQ was not so damn high. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the intellectual conversations I have, and I feel that I help people a lot because of it, but please indulge my "poor me" moment.

If I wasn't so smart, I would get additional help at school. If I wasn't so smart, people would not *expect* me to act like an NT because I am an adult. If I wasn't so smart, people wouldn't have such high expectations that I never seem to be able to meet (job, family, etc). If I wasn't so smart, maybe I would not see what having autism does to me. Maybe I would not see the pain it causes others who have it. Maybe I would be more numb to the world than I am.

I hear all the time: "You are too smart to..." The latest was that I was too smart to go into teaching. If I would be everything people said I would be good at, I would be a Dr, a Lawyer, a Veterinarian, a Music Teacher, a meteorologist, a psychologist/psychiatrist, a business owner, a sales person, a scientist (pick a field) a mathematician, a computer geek (again, pick a field) and so many others. If I am so smart, then why have I been going to school since 1992 (college) and have yet to earn a degree? Why can I not find employment, except at McDonalds? If I am so smart, why do I have these problems? If my IQ was low, maybe people would not expect so much out of me. I am really hating it at the moment.

I know that being smart is a benefit, but as I said, indulge me. I want to have a pity party and I am pissed that society cannot accept that just because you have a freaking genius IQ, that does not mean you can do anything easily. Stupid planet. Right now, I wish I Was just like all the other "normal" NTs. Then I wouldn't be dealing with the problems I am right now. IQ my ass. They are just numbers. And why is it that since I am good at science and amth, that automatically makes me smarter than people who are just as "smart" as me number wise? The world is mixed up. *grumble*

Be glad you are smarter then the average Bear.

I feel this way sometimes, too. There's a movie that came out recently with the plot device of a pill that unlocks your potential. I often feel as though the potential for any and everything is wrapped up inside my head. I just have to find the right string to yank and the whole knot will come undone and make sense for once.

One day at a time.

If you were just average, they would take that fact and do the same to you as they do now with your intelligence. That's the way picking works.

Funny thing is, people seem to tend to blame it all on one alleged flaw or shortcoming. E.g., overweight people often experience themselves as if their whole life and happiness would depend on a few pounds or their BMI.

You are shown a virtually unlimited number of possibilities from which you can choose, but where are your own interests? If it's teaching, go for it! And forget about the other stuff. I can say from experience, that very often the circumstances of a job, like environment etc., are much more important in day-to-day life than a designation.

But anyway, enjoy your pity-party!

Pity party done and over. Just really frustrated last night. It was not really about my actual intelligence either (now that I look back). It was (and is) about the actual number and how it is calculated. I think it is bunk. I am good at things. I am happy to be good at these things. There are also things I am not good at at all. In fact, they make me feel stupid.

I think last night was mostly tong in cheek. It really isn't about how "smart" someone is. It is about what someone is good at and what someone is not. I think it was Einstein who said this (paraphrasing): "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole like thinking it is stupid." There is so much truth in that. My anger last night is that I have shortcomings, just like other people. Just because I am good at some areas does not mean I know everything, or even have the ability to cope that people would expect someone of my "intelligence" to have. It just seems bass ackwards.