Feeling down about myself today

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Putting my feelings in a post (that aren't anger and frustration) is very vulnerable for me and I feel guilty and bad for it, but here goes...

Feeling really down about myself. I've just been to the hairdressers where the light is really good and got to see really clearly how bad my skin is and how fat I am. I know that these places can make you feel this way, but I'm not exaggerating. I'm on a diet because I'm many stone overweight and my skin is scared and spotty because of bad nutrition and a nervous habit i've had since last years' PTSD and depression.

It's half term and I can't get on with my projects. So much noise all around, day and night. Everyhting I try and do I can never finish. So, with feeling fat and ugly on top of that..

If anyone came to me feeling this needy I'd push them away. I know I have to face my feelings. I feel like I want a hug, and a peaceful sleep. But I've decided gym tonight. I'm cooking dinner and trying to get clothes dry in the drying room. My Son keeps bringing sand in on his clothes every day from the adventure playground. I wish my Son would remember to do the things I've asked him. Reminding him of the same things every day is exhausting me. I know they are only children but if he could just remember one or two things!

Making me wish I wish I could afford a cleaner and childcare, because not only is parenting really demanding but I just want to work and get my debts cleared. It's not happening quickly enough. I am feeling dumb and stupid and like I can't cope all over again And feeling bad and guilty for wanting my Son to remember things and for wanting to spend time away from him. But really the worst feeling right now is how ugly I feel. I felt like this when I was 17/18, and since I discovered Aspergers many ways I have been feeling I have recognised from the past. It's all too much emotionally

You guys are my only support as I have chosen not to tell my family nor friends (except 2 and a girl i recently dated). I will not go to the doctor about it. So I'd appreciate your support in any way today. Thanks, SoundOfRain

I can so relate-I had another aspie tell me that my looks and my personality are my main problem-while I am not offended by the remarks-they do hurt and there really isn't anything I can do about my looks that I was born with and my personality is from being on the spectrum. I feel helpless and old and unwanted by anyone because I am not perfection in looks and personality. I have tried to improve myself by losing a lot of weight and it still not enough because people keep saying. I am who I am and I can only do so much.I told the other aspie why I always look down-its because I don't want people staring at my face so it repulses them and no one will ever focus on me talking to them and then never talk to me to find out whats inside.