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i really though we were good friends :(

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aspie_giraffe
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23 Oct 2011, 1:23 am

i thought me and a friend were really close, but when i asked for a hug he said "i only hug close friends"
i cant stop crying, i beared my soul to him, i can deal with him not liking me in a romantic way, but i really thought this time id made a close friend, now i have no one to confide in, it hurts so so bad



Chronos
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23 Oct 2011, 1:36 am

aspie_giraffe wrote:
i thought me and a friend were really close, but when i asked for a hug he said "i only hug close friends"
i cant stop crying, i beared my soul to him, i can deal with him not liking me in a romantic way, but i really thought this time id made a close friend, now i have no one to confide in, it hurts so so bad


Perhaps he thought you did like him in a romantic way and so wishes to keep some distance. Or perhaps he really just doesn't like to hug people.



Sextaesada
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23 Oct 2011, 1:41 am

aspie_giraffe wrote:
i thought me and a friend were really close, but when i asked for a hug he said "i only hug close friends"
i cant stop crying, i beared my soul to him, i can deal with him not liking me in a romantic way, but i really thought this time id made a close friend, now i have no one to confide in, it hurts so so bad
well I tried to hug someone and they choked me...hard... :?



aspie_giraffe
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23 Oct 2011, 3:42 am

just tlked to another friend and he told me that this guy has trust issues and reguarly abandons friends when they get to close



Baris10
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23 Oct 2011, 8:14 am

Ouch... I've never really understood why some people don't hug, I'm fine with pretty much anyone to be honest, even other guys. Perhaps it's more complicated than it appears...



fallen_angel
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26 Oct 2011, 7:14 am

aspie_giraffe wrote:
just talked to another friend and he told me that this guy has trust issues and reguarly abandons friends when they get too close


I think that sounds more like closeness issues but it's surely connected with trusting issues as well.
Like I reject you or push you away when you come too close to me before you can abandom me. They fear getting hurt and abandonment; the word attachment is like a red rag to them. I know that is very hurtful but I don't think you should abandom them now because actually they need someone who looks behind behaviour and if you take yourself a bit back maybe he will step up to you. When he gets aloof as a reaction to your approach just be available but not pushy. I know that this behaviour hurts but if you see what's behind it you understand much more and maybe you can help him by the way you act towards him to overcome this once. They often struggle with themselves because they crave for closeness but can't make it happen so they are always torn by ambivalence. I wish you the best and a lot strength.

If you are really interested to understand I can suggest you to read about avoidant personality disorder and attachment theory by John Bowlby - here especially about attachment pattern.

I just wanted to add something: If you leave them you only confirm them that they don't deserve attachment or that they always will lose people - sounds weird but it's that way. So the wall will be higher next time for others to get close to them and that's like a cycle they are caught in.
In life we either choose the easy way or we try to make differences. Be the one who makes a difference.