Weird dad
Cad here,
I posted a post a while ago about my dad called 'domineering dad,' maybe you remember it maybe not. Anyhow he's back and acting weirder than ever. I don't know what to do or why he's acting like this, he could be an aspie also but not diagnosed, I'm unsure. By the way I'm 22.
I've moved away to work and I'm living in a remote camp where we have limited communication. My mum and bro use the internet so I can keep in touch with the family by emailing my mum or facebooking my bro and other relatives, but my dad doesn't use the computer. He sends emails sometimes but rarely, and the only way to communicate with him is by the camp phone which we're allowed to use for personal reasons, just as long as it's short and no one else needs it, and not all the time. I hate talking on the phone cause it's hard to tell if people are being serious etc but I know the rest of my relatives well and talking to them is easy but my dad and I just argue. Why?
He gets mad at me if I don't email him, even though he doesn't email me, because I email mum and facebook everyone else. Mum tells him what I email, and it's no big secret. I even send photos of our camp and stuff and she prints them for the family.
He misinterprets if I laugh or act sarcastic (which I do a lot) as me being angry, then asks why am I always angry.
He gets mad if I have to hang up due to other workers needing to use it, there's a delay in the signal, or there's other noise in the background (there is a large petrol generator outside the tent).
He used to send me letters when I first moved out (4 years ago) of local newspaper articles and pack food and stuff in them. I said not to pack food cause I can buy it myself and he got offended. Now everytime I call he says 'well I was going to send a letter BUT YOU DON'T LIKE THEM.' He get's mad at me and sighs/grumbles over the phone for ages. My brother sent me a card for my birthday last month (to the motel I was at in the nearest town for a while ) and dad put some newspaper articles in there too. I send my brother a message (because there was reception at the motel) saying 'thanks for the card.' So dad got angry at me for not sending him a text saying I got the articles. He said I didn't send him one because I don't like getting his letters. I said I sent the text to my brother cause it was a birthday card, and dad said he went and posted it so I should've sent it to him.
He asks me stupid frustrating questions and has circular conversations then threatens to hang up. E.g. today when I rang my family up (first time in a week or so) he asked me what sort of cooking gear the cook at the camp has. I said a kitchen caravan/trailer. He asked if there was a bay marie and I said no, it was just a normal kitchen. He kept asking me if there was a bay marie or not, then for the 4th time I said 'no, stop asking stupid questions.' He got really upset and said 'oh I'm so so sorry I was asking a stupid question, I just want to know what your camp is like' deliberately in a way to make me feel bad.
He gets mad at me, threatens to hang up, and I say 'ok then, see you later' then he stops his fake sulking/anger and acts normal, 'oh, no, there's something I had to ask you...'
Why is he doing this to me! Does anyone know?
Cad
Well I don't know if you'll like my reply totally here, bear with me.. this is my opinion.
At first reading your post I thought your dad was just being irrational (in many instances sounds like he is.)
But.. there were two things that stood out to me.
I don't know what the news papers articles were, but unless it was an expensive card posting it and sending it probably took just as much effort. You could've thanked him for the articles or for sending the card.
Then.. 2)
Not even remotely okay to say to a parent, you say your dad argues with you, but unless he was or is in some way shape or form abusive, verbally or physically--not called for, no matter how annoyed you were with him.
Just curious, but would you say your dad act's similar to Kramer from Seinfeld?
I was asking because mine does, acting goofy constantly like he's a goddamn clown and acting goofy when he's "normal" and you can't tell the difference when he's being serious or not. Then he turns into an as*hole when you don't think he's funny.
<I> He gets mad at me, threatens to hang up, and I say 'ok then, see you later' then he stops his fake sulking/anger and acts normal, 'oh, no, there's something I had to ask you...'
Why is he doing this to me! Does anyone know?
</I>
I'd like to elaborate a little.. I think we have parents who can mean well and who are very much screwed up. My mom was very controlling, acts as if I should be at her beck and call whenever she calls me. She knows our relationship is bad, at the very least. But she sees it as "being the best parent she can". She is full of herself. Sometimes.. parents.. are just more harmful than helpful. They don't generally change either, maybe a small improvement once they realize how bad its effecting their relationship with you.
Your dad may deserve your respect.. (assuming he helped raise you) but you shouldn't be at his beck and call. If he wants to talk to you more, he needs to learn how to email.
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