Well, if it makes you feel better, I don't have Aspergers (Highly doubt I do anyway) but I'm pretty much in the same boat you are. People don't like me, and the one's that do, I can't be personal with them. I don't trust people. I was raised in a family that didn't do anything out of the ordinary, except they were largely not very intuitive. Many of them had their own problems, and I realized that something was out of wack at an early age, maybe around when I was 4, when I started getting panic attacks. I became more aware of they're dissonance with the rest of the world at the age of 8, but even then I still thought something was wrong with me. I never felt like they made a genuine attempt to get to know me, brushing aside any challenging traits that I had, saying I was being weird or acting badly. I was crying out for help everyday, but no one ever answered my call. Of course, I wasn't overtly crying out much...Oh how I wish I was more extroverted so that my cries could have been heard by someone. But I just buried my pain and confusion, thinking that things will just get better eventually.
Twenty years later, I suffer from chronic loneliness, emotional bluntness and am very distrustful of people. What I went through with my family would be what I would amount to psychological abuse, which to me is even more poisonous, because they seem so normal, compared to someone that is flat out abusing. Not only did they leave me a mess, they sabotaged for me what should be considered normal.
At lot of my traits now are kind of similar to Asperger's, but what they are, are behaviors that I've adapted to help me cope with my situation growing up. Now, I can't unlearn them and be a part of society.
02 Nov 2011, 8:31 pm
