Does self confidence need to be justified?

Post Reply New Topic

I always had the impression that if I have self confidence, it needs to be backed up with something (accomplishment, ability, looks) or justified.

However, looking back on my life there are a lot of people that don't seem to have that much going for them that have a lot of self confidence.

If they have confidence, why can't I?

I can't really offer any useful advice because I suffer with self-confidence myself. I think it's perhaps because some people are just born with it in them, and is linked to part of their personality. I knew a really dorky type of guy, and he wasn't a very nice person either, but he seemed to have this charm which still made people suck upto him, probably because he's always had self-confidence in him, and always made him believe in himself.

But I find it so hard to become confident in myself. I don't think the saying ''Believe in yourself and others will believe in you'' will ever work for me, because I would probably just get called ''big-headed'' and ''boastful'' and ''the girl who thinks she's better than everyone else when she's not''. And I don't think I will ever be confident enough to rise above antagonization of other people. I've just got to remember, I'm not supposed to be a confident person, so I never will be. My brain is wired to be what I am. I don't like it, but I'm unsure of how to make myself more confident, and where to start.

Self-Confidence doesn't have to be you thinking, "I'm AWESOME!" Rather, it's simply feeling that whatever thing happens during the course of the day, that you'll deal with it and be OK. Obviously, it doesn't mean that every situation will be a success, but the failure doesn't change who you are and what you're capable of. Michael Jordan didn't win every game, after all.

Go ahead and be happy and confident, it ticks off all the right people.

I worried a lot about confidence when I had low self-esteem. Ever since I found out about aspergers, I no longer have low self-esteem. I don't worry much about how others judge me, I know they can't judge me accurately because they don't know about autism. Now the confidence issue has taken a back seat.

I think confidence can simply be the absence of low self-esteem. If you can accept yourself the way you are then others will tend to do so as well.

I wonder that a lot. All the time, actually.

I don't let myself have self-confidence because I have come to the conclusion that reality is defined by consensus, ie it is what the NTs say it is because there are somewhere between 33 and 150 of "them" to every one of "us."

In the past-- and again lately-- I have found myself questioning that view. Wanting to decide that self-confidence is for me, too.

I don't want to have unrealistic or unjustified confidence, though. That's called false confidence, arrogance, a lot of other things that I don't want to be.

I have often thought that Aspies with self-confidence are the ones the experts say all those horrible things about, and that having no confidence and "staying in my place" is what keeps me from being a "bad Aspie."

In the past-- and again lately-- I have found myself questioning that view. Wanting to decide that self-confidence is for me, too.

It seems the world is full of NTs about whom there is nothing special or particularly good-- yet they have confidence. Some of them, in fact, are particularly foul. They have confidence they do not question, as far as I can tell, simply because they are surrounded by others who are like them-- they are "OK" by consensus, by the lack of a group of voices that say they are not OK.

If it's OK for them to JUST HAVE CONFIDENCE, isn't it OK for me, too?? Us, too??

I want to say the answer is a resounding "HELL, YEAH!! !"

I am nervous about doing so, however, because that is uncharted territory for me. I don't know what will happen, and it may be inaccurate. I share the Aspie tendency to prize accuracy, and to value knowledge of probable outcomes.

Here, then, is what I do know. My father was an Aspie too. It seldom occurred to him to question himself, to think of himself as having something wrong with his self or his point of view. He simply was who and what he was. He was Al. He thought he was a pretty good Al. Al laughed a lot, and was generally capable and happy.

I think Al had a very, very valid point.

I have tried not having confidence, and I did not like the result.

I have tried having to constantly justify my confidence, and I did not like the result.

Insanity is doing the same thing while expecting a different result.

It's time to try something else.

That something may just be unjustified confidence.

I could wake up one day and promise myself I will be more confident in myself, but I will never really be, and false confidence is no good because others know when somebody's faking too much confidence, and they get fed up or start being horrible. Anyway, if I did wake up tomorrow and made myself be confident, it won't last very long, and then I will have a bad day one day, (which come frequently), and I will probably just lash out, simply because I was trying to be someone I'm not for a few days.

I know I often be someone I'm not to a certain extent, but sometimes that comes naturally when I'm out in public. And even if something comes along to distress me, I show I'm mad or upset by body language, and people notice, of course. So really, I can't always keep it up. Plus I can't be very confident if I'm someone who finds judging distances/finding objects difficult. Like say if I was coming towards big roadworks what were blocking the path aswell as the road, and there was a temporary bit where pedestrians have to go to safely get past it, I have to come right upto it and study it for a couple of seconds before I figure out where I have to go, even if it was clearly signed where to go, and this makes me anxious because I just like to get to my destination and back without no unexpected interruptions or humiliation. Other people seem to see what they have to do straight away, and react slowly and calmly, but I seem to look like I'm in a panic all the time, and people can tell, and then I feel silly. But I can't seem to control these actions. It's probably part of my AS.
Another example, once some people got on the bus with suitcases, and they lifted them onto the luggage racks at the front of the bus, then went to sit down. But the man said to the woman, ''pull my suitcase a bit further onto the rack, it looks like it might fall off when the bus moves'', so the woman just calmly but quickly turned around and pushed the suitcase further onto the lack, then calmly went to sit down, without looking silly or confused or panicky or anything. But if that was me who was asked to do such a simple task, I would get in a fluster and ask, ''which case? What?'' and they would say, ''there, right in front of you, just push it back a bit!'' and I would go all shaky and would probably shove the suitcase onto the rack and then scuttle to my seat, looking all red in the face.

How can you have confidence in yourself if you always react differently and can't do simple tasks and know you look stupid all the time? And if this is because of having no confidence in myself, then I don't know how to get confidence in order to avoid this. I don't think I would ever be able to help my actions.

Politicians are wrong a lot, but they still exude confidence.