Wrong Planet making me feel worse about myself

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WP is nice to be a member of, and by going on here I've found others I can share feelings with and can empathise with others when it comes to topics like being afraid of loud noise or not coping with change or feeling too wrapped up in obsessions, and not having any descent friends at school, and etc. But being told several times on several threads that people like me will always give off an odd impression what NTs can pick up on it no matter how well I dress or how normal I act or how much make-up I cake on or how good a mood I'm in, has made me feel very nervous, more nervous than ever. It's made me feel afraid of facing the big wide world and the rat race and different people because now, since I heard that on WP, it's made me feel like I'm caught up in anxiety and self-conscious, and can't seem to tunnel out of it, no matter how hard I try to do things. I've now became so hatred of myself and the way I look and the way I am, and it's making me have meltdowns when I think too deeply about having AS. I now feel like I've got the words ''I'm a mug, please hurt me'' written on my forehead what I will never be able to rub off.
It's even affecting my job-searching, because I worry in case people are taking the mick all the time.
I feel people are taking the mick all the time. I feel that when I walk into a shop to ask about any vacancies, I think they notice my lack of confidence and know they could take me on and throw me into the deep end, being given all the grotty jobs, and know I will just kiss their arse all the time, no matter how badly I get treated. When I walk into a shop to ask for any vacancies, I smile, make normal eye contact (eye contact has never been an issue for me anyway), and I stand up straight and ask appropriate questions, but I still know there is something stupid about me what others pick up, and they might think, ''oooh, let's take on that unconfident mug who came in this morning so that we can get away with treating her like s**t.''
I just feel like this AS is going to make other people think they can make my life unlivable.
So what is written in bold above is why I'm feeling so low in myself, and when people mention that Aspies have ''that look'' has made me feel despondant to everything, and other threads like ''NTs lie all the time'' makes me feel I can't listen to NTs when they say, ''you don't look blank at all. You just look normal''. So I don't know what to believe.

How come this hasn't made anyone else feel this way? (I'm aiming this more at Autism-haters).

Just in the Asperger world, you're going to find positive and negatives with people. You are going to find people that will make you happy, and also people that will make you sad.
I can't help but to get the impression when they say "no matter what NTs will notice your difference", they're trying to tell you to be yourself a bit more and just be happy with whom you are instead of being so upset about it.
I've come to believe there is actually a small percentage of this world with people that really ARE cruel and would want to hurt you. The majority of people are like us, they want to be accepted, and if they act mean/irritated/upset, it is because something is going through their life making it more difficult for them, and thus they are less likely to channel the positive to others. It is like us with our meltdowns. Instead of channeling positive energy and making ourselves happy and fixing things, we have the break down and end up feeling upset and negative.
The only reason it seems like everyone truly is cruel and wants to take advantage and be mean is because they are truly a rarity in themselves, and as humans, we tend to find what is the rarity, especialy if it's a truly wonderful or bad experience, and share that - which proceeds to be told on and on, and so it seems like it's worse than it really is.

If someone posts something that makes you feel negative here, do your best to ignore it and go past it, and look for those that instead want to help and bring in the positive here.

I am always aware of a certain discordance between me and the people around me. A nagging feeling that I don't belong and others will discover it and alienate me. I try to ignore the feeling as much as possible and just go about my business. I used to force myself to interact, but then I end up blurting stuff out that I don't mean. Now, I don't say anything unless I mean it. I'm quiet most of the time, but this seems to be okay.
People are not as aware of you as you may think. Try to be purposeful about your actions and know that you have every right to be where you are.

Other people have no authority or power over us unless we first grant it to them. So while all of the above might be true, I have learned to refuse to be controlled by it. NT people also have their own issues, and now I challenge them to make some sense to me!

That might not help you get a job, but it might help you go looking for a vacancy without feeling disadvantaged or handicapped even before you begin ... and *that* can definitely be helpful.

That is good advice.
But I have a friend, she is NT, and is a very paranoid person, and it's turned me into a paranoid person aswell. Each time we walk into somewhere to hand a CV or to get an application, when we walk out she always has some sort of comment about the people in there, like, ''oh did you see the way they all stared as us?'' or, ''those girls who you gave your CV to seemed like they were laughing at you'', or ''it seemed they started whispering about something when we were coming back out, I know it because I can pick up that vibe very quickly with people'', and it's made me think to myself, ''is it because you're the NT and so know these impression with other people, or is it just you being overparanoid?'' Sometimes I also think, ''hold on a minute - if people are advertising on the doors or in the papers for applicants, then surely they're going to get all sorts of applicants going in and asking for an application, so I wouldn't think they would be standing there laughing at everybody who comes in to ask for an application or hands a CV in. Their idea is to take applicants on, not frighten them away, and they would be thankful that people are interested in working for their company.'' But I can't lecture because she's one of those people who you can't reason with, she thinks she's right and that's that - she's that type of person. Very arrogant. But because I don't have a high self-esteem, sometimes I worry and think, ''but what if she is right?''

I know exactly what you mean. It's a fear I live with all the time-that no matter how hard I try to look perfectly NT, people will still sense or see that I'm different, and they will judge me for it. I just had a job interview this morning, and I had to keep telling myself over and over "be positive and upbeat. Smile. Don't talk too much or too fast. Try to emphasize your strengths- you know you would be good at this job". Because really, that's all that you can do, is be at your best. People who are out to judge you are going to do it no matter what, whether you're Aspie or NT. I know that I can't totally cover up the fact that I'm a bit odd. But people feel very differently about someone who is positive, pleasant, and odd than they feel about someone who's negative, defensive and odd. I know it's really hard, and I am in no way making light of how you feel. Believe me, I'm there. But try to work with the strengths that you know you have. And don't be too hard on yourself when you are figuring out what they are! And if you know you have some habits that could be improved upon, do it. You being positive about yourself is absolutely essential to other people being positive about you. And even if you have to fake it some at first (I do), the more you get used to being cheerful and positive the easier it gets. Its at least up to the level of easy fake for me! And be careful of believing negative things you read on WP- no one here is exactly a social expert, and everyone's comments are going to be colored by their experiences. Please feel better! You can be OK!

It sounds to me like your NT friend may just be dealing with the anxiety of having to do the applications as well. Finding a job, especially with the economy of the world as it is right now, is not easy for anyone - Asperger and NT alike. She's feeling very negative right now, and so she is letting off the negative, which you are picking up on, and making yourself feel even worse. Don't let what she's saying get to you, I think she is just trying to vent and make herself feel better by communicating. If you can try to also stand with her, and help her feel better about this situation, it may uplift her spirits, and if you can try to turn ti positive when talking to her, she may pick up on it, feel better, and then talk more positively instead of negatively.

Well I will be the first person to tell you that this isn't true then. You might have an odd way about yourself that shines through clothing and makeup, however this isn't produced by some mystery phermone, but rather subtle mannerism, and that can be change.

I shall give you a lesson in Aspergirl mimicry.

You might consider taking an acting class which focuses specifically on character mannerisms. Or you can simply work on your own if you feel that is sufficient.

Basically this would entail trying to mimic the mannerism of a character or type of person. Your goal at this point is simply to see if you can identify and mimic the mannerisms, not to act like this person in daily life.

Your ultimate goal is simply to normalize your own mannerism so you do not act in a way that stands out. To do this, you must be able to identify how your mannerism differ so significantly from others, what you are doing that they don't do, what you don't do that they do, and take corrective measures. You might video tape yourself to attempt to spot any differences.

While you should practice taking on the persona of others to learn other mannerisms, this should not be utilized in your every day life because you are not trying to become that person, or a person you are not. You are simply trying to gain more control over your own body movements such that you don't do move in a way that is so awkward.

For example, I used to squint my eyes and strain them to the side a lot when talking, and I've been able to correct that to some degree.



Confident people are either confident because they are not self aware enough to notice their weaknesses, get distracted easily enough so they don't dwell on them, are narcissistic enough that they don't care what others think of them, or are secure enough to know who's opinion matters and who's doesn't.

So I do not meet the standards of some shop keeper. Who cares? I'm there for a purpose....to buy something. They're there for a purpose...to sell me something, and that exchange is all that is relevant.

I have no reason to impress that person, or to win that person's acceptance. It doesn't matter if they hate me or like me because what it comes down to is, they have to do their job regardless.

The only responsibility I have is to do my job as a customer and articulate clearly what I need.
That is their only expectation of me aside from some basic civility towards them as well.

I was looking into this, by finding out if there is any nearby. I don't think I could do it on my own, I think I'd prefer doing it along with other people who also want help.


I am sort of working on this. Lucky for me, I have obsessions with people, so I have plenty of people who I admire to choose from.


I don't generally act in a way that stands out, and this is why I am getting all het up about this. If I did something like clench my hands together tightly in that nervous way when walking into a shop, I would be able to work on that, But I keep one hand on the strap of my handbag and one hand down by my side or in my pocket (which doesn't stand out from other women at all), and I just act like I'm going about my business. I would understand shop people laughing if I stood there staring nervously at them, but I don't. I don't even bite my nails when I'm out. So because there's no differences about me what I know of, and my mum would say anyway if there was because she has done before and I know that close relatives do point out things like that if they know you don't like being different and if they know you want them to help you, but my mum says I look fine - and I trust her on that because I know how embarrassed she easily gets anyway.


The only actions I can't seem to control are when I get angry over something. I huff and puff and look all shifty and agitated, which seems to attracts people's attention onto me - but that doesn't happen too often, and I never do it in shops. But object blindness always makes me feel silly all the time, and I can't seem to help myself on object blindness because I don't know how. And it's not just that - if somebody asks me to do a simple task, it seems to difficult to me. Like once when I got on the bus with my mum, and she left her umbrella up near the driver's bit, and when she went to sit down she asked me to quickly go and get her umbrella, and I reacted in a funny way. I looked to the right and to the left in a panic (because I hoped I would see it straight away but didn't), then I did see it and rushed to the front to get it, then it caught on the edge of one of the seats which made me jump, and I nervously said, ''oh sorry'' to the person on the seat (even though it didn't really affect her) and then quickly darted to the seat where my mum was sitting, and felt really silly because to me it's such an ordeal just to fetch one umbrella. I think it's a form of ''Stage Fright'' because I know there are lots of people sitting there watching me (because people look at any activity or movement going on), and that makes me even more agitated, whereas most other people would just block the people out and focus on getting the umbrella as though they're just at home. This is why I get so distressed a lot of the time, and I am a very self-aware Aspie, which doesn't really help. But I've been told that I ''suffer with my nerves'', and it's true. I should look up about that.