I have no idea anymore.

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My mind feels rather jumbled up, I guess to the extent that I have already spent 10 minutes trying to think of how to word this. But yeah obviously I've been depressed lately so I wont go into that since I have pleanty of posts about that...but the past two days specifically have been kinda ridiculous. So anyways, last night I was about to have a panic attack or something like worse then the anxiety attacks I usually get, last time I was that scared out of my mind I was having a bad trip on shrooms(just to give description of how severe it was). So yeah understandably I did not really want to be alone with myself so I called my friend who lives pretty far and went over to his house even though I had to get up at 6 in the morning to get back to my house and class on time....luckily just calling was enough to calm me down so I could handle the freaking hour bus ride.

But my thought process has seemed weird ever since, so last night and today......I kept getting confused at the most minor things, like a couple times I litterally just stopped walking even though I knew were I was going because i had to take a minute and figure out what way to go.......Then earlier I was trying to leave the house cause my mom and her boyfriend were arguing and I kept forgetting things I wanted to bring with and having to come back in the house to get them only to realise I forgot something else to. And other then getting angry/annoyed when my mom and her boyfriend were yelling at eachother I've been quite numb can't say I really gave much of a crap about anything today.

And other then all that fun stuff.......I have no real goals of any kind, I do want to get on disability cause I am at a loss of what to do in general let alone how to get an income.......but to do that I kind of need to put more effort into my end of it which I have not done because I want to avoid the unaviodable stress of that. But yeah thats not exactly a goal......just something I should do. Why has my life and mental state got to be so freaking confusing and overwhelming I'm tired of it and yet I don't expect for it to get much better.

wow a half hour to type this...

Ello me, you seem to be feeling a bit out of your head.....you might want to find where you left your mind and go get it.

it's taken me a good part of 15 minutes to think of a reply! I guess the best thing to do is look at things one step at a time. if going on disability is the first thing on your mind then get it done - despite the stress

Well yeah I will, I don't really have any other choice.....lol. I am going to hang out with my cousin today so I could also see what she thinks.......she pretty much lives on her own and has had a lot of experiance with things so even though she's younger she is pretty intelligent.

So sorry. I think you really do need to tell a friend you need help. Maybe they can research how to find I doctor without spending too much. Even if you can't get a free evaluation you can often still go to a hospital or university clinic where they aren't allowed to make you pay before treatment. They may send you a bill but you don't have to pay it in full if you can't afford it. There's no penalty for not paying. The worst they can do is have a collection agency call the phone number you give them.

A medication like Klonopin for anxiety would probably help you a lot. I had problems because I was taking it every single day for a year and by then it wasn't working well anymore no matter how many times I upped the dose. If you only take it for your worst days it actually works well.

This is like me with my Celexa/Citalprom. However, due to too many things going on with my life, trying to find a new medication is out of the question.
Anyway, back to the actual thread creator! I know how that feels. When I have a big meltdown and anxiety attack, it sometimes takes me days to recover. I know how you feel. Everything is overwhelming, your short-term memory seems to be faultering, and you just feel numb and not really there. However, I've learned that time will heal this and you will begin to get back to your normal self.
If you're not sure what you can do financially, try for the disability. Though, I would try to find some sort of agency near you that can give you a case worker/manager to assist you. I'm going through it right now, and even with them doing most the stuff with or for me, it's stressful, but I keep telling myself that once I'm on it, things will get easier. I won't have to worry about money as much, and I can work on finding a new medication without having to worry so much about income and things I HAVE to do and plan for.

Well I have three appointments with a psychologist if I want through some program my moms work has....so I'm going to do that, at least its a start.

As for Klonopin that does not sound very appealing......I feel like that would make me feel far to sedated to do anything, or maybe I am thinking of a different drug. but yeah I have been having anxiety attacks more frequently, and if I should have one in public I cannot very well break out the cannabis as it's illegal.

I don't even know what my normal self is anymore, but yeah I am going to try for disability....because my functioning is only going down hill and so getting a job would probably stress me out more which would interfere with my functioning even more....I mean even college has been getting to be too much so yeah, though I am also kind of afraid to find out what exactly is going on with me so I keep procrastinating on things I should probably do.

Wish you the best!


If you're going to have an anxiety attack Klonopin won't necessarily make you feel sedated. It'll just allow you to relax. Only if you take it way at the end of the day when you're already tired will it make you crash. Xanax is more sedating which is why I didn't recommend it. I felt sedated on Klonopin because I was told to take it twice a day every day regardless if how anxious I felt. That caused me to become somewhat addicted, though I wasn't ever abusing it. I just had to keep increasing the dose to the point where it was making me feel suddenly sleepy at weird times, yet I was still feeling way too anxious at other times in between doses, probably from withdrawals. I didn't start having these problems until after several months of taking it twice a day every single day. It actually works well if you just take it "as needed" for the times you experience extreme anxiety.

well it may be something to look into......but I'll research it myself before I decide if i would be willing to try it or not if it was suggested by whoever I talk to or whatever. Also I don't know if I will still use those appointments because I found some other options to so those might be better.

WTH????????????????I don't see how I can go on like this. I talked to my psychology professor because I have been too stressed to write the paper i am supposed to. I know exactly how to write a paper but i have no motivation and feel burnt out on everything. Why did my stupid parents have to give birth to me? I just really don't see the point of continuing I mean what's the point everthing is going to hell anyways......today I wanted to take a heavy object and beat the hell out of my mom and her boyfreind because they would not stop yelling at each other. I don't want to cause harm to anyone but how can they be so inconsiderate they have to stress me with their bullsh*t money issues.................neither of them can help me, my dad is god knows where probably f*cked up on drugs and I just can't take it anymore and why should I?

What did your psychology professor say about the paper?

Your best bet is probably to get out of the environment you're in if their fighting is affecting you that badly. One of the things which you should try is to challenge yourself. You may or may not have done well in your classes this semester, if you haven't then try again next semester, maybe try to start off with an easier class selection. Possibly take courses online to supplement to avoid dealing with some of the things that stress you or at least take a small break from them.

You shouldn't have to deal with your mom's drama, maybe if you can get a job and save some money if college isn't panning out immediately you can get your own place or move in with your boyfriend.

I don't really have anywhere else to go, I can go to other peoples houses sometimes but I can't really afford to move out of my moms house. I can barely handle two classes at this point hence all the stress about the paper so I don't think now is the time I should be trying to challenge myself too much......not to mention I don't even see the point in getting a college degree anymore so that makes me even more unmotivated then I already am in general.

Also there are not really a lot of jobs, not to mention I usually get fired because of working too slow or whatever, and it gets worse under stress but yeah I can hardly handle college so how am I going to handle a job any better? also my whole boyfriend situation is kinda complicated at the moment and I am not quite sure whats going on with that.