paranoia and trying to fit in with AS is giving me grief

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i think what is happening is that i am paranoid about doing anything that might be seen as weird. if i make a small social m,istake i can't sleep for at least 2 days. the scene of my mistake plays over and over in my head. any time when i am around people i am so afraid of making mistakes that i make them more often. i am even thinking of taking zoloth which was recommended even though i know that it messes up your kids if you have any and medicines always have other funny side effects.

I used to go through that sort of thing myself, so I can relate. I finally got over it by not caring what other people think, as that gives them far too much power over me. I realized that it was stifling and restricting what and who I am. Who are they to force me into conforming to the way they want me to behave? If they can't accept me for what and who I am, it's their problem, not mine. I hope that's of some help to you.

It's the same thing for me. When I say one incorrect wrong, even on Internet... no, on Internet above all, it just... haunts me, for days, sometimes for weeks. That's why I'm trying to be as quiet as possible when I'm in guilds or teams, and trying to satisfy my "speaking needs" at the same time... otherwise, I always clash with NTs... but it's not a good solution.

Yeah stuff like that used to happen to me as well when I had to interact with people on a daily basis. Even now, memories from years ago haunt me and stress the heck out of me.

I feel EXACTLY the same way as you, and no, it isn't easy living like this. It makes life very hard. OK, I really don't know where to begin saying about my worries. To put it in a shorter way, 95 percent of my worries are subconsciously caused by people and what they're thinking. It's because I've learnt how quick people are to judge and they can recognise mannerisms in an individual just like that and so can kind of tell what sort of a person you are just by looking at you, even if you're not doing anything unusual or anything like that. And so now that idea has gotten me so paranoid that I feel I am being watched by everyone and I get afraid to move or even breathe properly. I avoid going out to bars and places like that because I know I'm going to say or do something socially wrong, and to avoid doing stuff like that I will just be standing there as quiet as a mouse, and knowing how other people can sense my timid frozen expression they will judge me anyway, so I just keep away from those sorts of places. I have enough of being judged when walking out to the supermarket, so god knows how much I will be judged going into a true social environment like a bar. I think I would be eaten alive!

Having AS and trying to avoid being weird at the same time is VERY hard. Not that Aspies are weird, but in misunderstanding NTs eyes they are, which makes me feel very unconfident. And I can't force myself to stop being this paranoid, because it's the conscious thoughts that stick in my head what is causing all the problems and grief, and I don't quite know how to stop them. Even if I did stop them tomorrow, deep down it will always bother me, and the only way to stop these conscious thoughts is if I get a little older and perhaps not worry about it any more, like I used to. But I do fear embarrassment. I don't like being the centre of attention in a public place, which is why I've gotten so paranoid. And I can't ignore stares and laughs and comments from other people because it's like people burn a hole in my face when staring, and because I'm that much more self-aware than the average Aspie, this is where it makes things more tough than it should. For example, say if I tripped up in the street (but not fall over or anything) I always think that every single person in the street saw and are pointing and laughing at me, or thinking something stupid of me. It's just irrational thinking. I know they probably didn't see, but I can't help thinking. And the only people who understand me on this one are NTs or other Aspies with paranoid thoughts, because they know how I feel about being a tiny bit ridiculed is such a big deal. (I'm glad that's one of the things NTs can understand me on! )

I just fear rejection, ridicule, judgements, negativity, and lots of other socially negative things like that.