Outmatched

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I'm simply outmatched. I don't have adult skills in any way, shape, or form. By that I mean I can't drive, can't take being in public places for more than a few hours at a time (or even less depending on the place)...don't know how to deal with difficult people, or play the NT game of pretending to be nice to people you really don't like and don't like you...am really a 14 or 15 year old in a 28 year old body.

Even though my parents are perfectly understanding and let me stay home and do nothing, i still can't help but get stressed over the stupidest things. Even just a simple disagreement with someone online, or an awkward situation the few times a week I leave the house, will get my blood boiling. I've said it before, but I really wasn't built for this world. I'm not like any other person in this world. And that's not to say I'm better, I'm not. What I'm saying is, I'm a cat living in a roomful of dogs for lack of a better analogy.

Sure I can go off in my little corner...but that brings its own problems (overanalysis, post traumatic stress from getting harassed for years, apathy - no sincere goals in life, et al, which all leads to depression anyway.) So i can't win either way.

I'm trying my best to just relax and not care, but I'm not that type of person. I'm easily affected by things.

I wish i was one of those people that wasn't aware of their problems...you know the kind of person I'm talking about...there's no cognitive skills and the person doesn't realize they don't fit in or have a fully functioning brain.

My mind is on non stop even with meds that are supposed to slow it down.

This is perhaps why I've been making all these suicidal threads. It's not that death is this great alternative...but it would at least stop my mind, and take me away from this hell on earth.

I thought it was a perfect analogy. I can drive, but not well enough, driving only in familiar, non-busy areas i've had 2 major accidents in 4 years. W/2 minor ones that never got reported.

I have never known how to deal with difficult people, but I don't know if all NTs pretend to be nice either, some are really just petty and cruel. Or do enough to cause harm without getting major consequences. Not to say that there aren't some people with AS who haven't tried to do that as well. Every individual has their flaws, imo love is a forgiveness of these and wisdom is the understanding that people will make mistakes.

I don't think death is any alternative you deserve, you have the right to do what you like. Death to me is a further cruelty to yourself, its the removal of any individuality, any spark you contribute. You like frasier? Me too. Do any peers my age? nah. Who cares if they do, their loss. If you don't like frasier, cool name anyway.

The general level of humanity might not be a gift most of the time, but that is not to say that you aren't. A lot of the good people are missing because they choose not to stick around.

I used to love Frasier, but got sick of it after seeing every episode. I mainly just like Roz and Daphne now, wish either of them back then were my girlfriend.

If it were just the Aspergers, that'd be one thing. That's not what's breaking me down. It's that I can't even handle a life with no responsibilities whatsoever. Some people have made the argument that my mind is too intelligent and active to be doing nothing...but when I've had more responsibilities, I literally almost or did end up hospitalized and at an all-time low.

What I'm dealing with is underdevelopment and mania at the same time. I really wouldn't wish this on people I absolutely loathe.

So being alive isn't "sticking it to the man" if anything it's just preventing me from a possible alternative that is better (no afterlife or a good afterlife.)

What's getting in the way of you developing more 'adult' skills? If you're worried about taking on too much responsibility (and stress as a consequence) why not go at a slower pace. Say an hour a day practicising something you're s**t at. Your parents sound like they would support you if you needed it. You have plenty of free time.

Why don't you give driving a go? Never too late to start.

I'm in a similar position. I'm quite a bit younger than you but there are things I feel I should have done that I haven't... I find it impossible to ask people for help with these things, and I have no idea where to begin on my own. If you have somewhere to start, then at least try it. If you set your mind to it you will start to catch up with your peers, even if you take it slow.

Mine too. But I find the more you're exposed to it, the quicker your brain puts two and two together and realises 'hang on, world didn't end that time either!' and you get over each stressor more easier than the last one. You kind of need to accept that it's ok to feel mad but that it's only a passing emotion.

Many people, including non-AS, avoid situations like confrontation because of the same reason but there you might even have an advantage some day; because you'll be so used to always feeling on edge for a while after any situation, bigger things won't be such a big deal as maybe they would be for someone who up until then took it all in their stride..

(if that makes any sense...)

I agree and relate entirely with the above.

That said--I wouldn't wish death on the person either.

I can relate to a lot of your post. I don't drive either and live with my mother who doesn't care if I sit at home doing nothing.

I'd be almost fine the way I am except I worry about supporting myself someday when my mother is gone and lately my anxiety is getting worse than ever. I can barely leave my house any more. I'm all dressed now to go to the library but I feel really nervous about it and I'm not sure why. I've been there many times in the past.

Best thing to do is just push through the anxiety and do it. With something like the library you can be fairly sure that nothing bad will happen. You can at least rationalise it in that way. The more exposure you get to things that make you anxious the less likely they are to make you anxious in the future. Assuming nothing goes wrong. Which it probably won't. It's a library.