How do you experience depression?

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All I can do is look with wonder and jealousy at all the depressed people I see across various forums with success in relationships and careers, passion to devote to numerous friends and hobbies, and abilities to learn and be creative and ask myself... how? I've been depressed most of my life, can't even remember a time I was happy as that goes back to my early childhood, a period that most people don't remember. I'm easily overwhelmed, learning disabled, have no adult skills, no means of human connection, and no capacity for enjoyment of anything. I feel miserable and broken, always. I've exhausted all my treatment options and still don't understand the point of therapy, so it's pretty much just deciding whether I want to drag out a meaningless existence or not. One thing I want to understand though is why my case is so different for me than everyone else that even most depressed people can't relate, and any treatment completely ineffective. I only hear of people experiencing anhedonia, the inability to experience pleasure, through either a "bout" of depression that passes or as a side effect of a SSRI med such as Paxil. For those here who are depressed, AS or not, I'm curious to know if your depression is something that is always with you 24/7 or "low moods" that come and go.

I'm at a complete loss of how to help myself, I don't even know what I'm fighting for as I don't feel human. Looking for others like me may be the only way I can begin to understand...

Are you interested in Nootropics?

I have bouts of Depression that come and go. I will be fine for several months and than I have a spell of Depression.

Wikipedia isn't really helping me to understand what these are. If you're talking prescribed stuff for ADHD and the sort I've already been on those. As for supplements I'm already taking vitamin B complex, vitamin D, Omega 3 fish oil, and a multivitamin every day. If you're talking about something else I'm all ears.

Be careful about nootropics -- some of them can make depression worse. Basically things that increase or increase the effects of acetylcholine can cause or worsen depression in people who are susceptible to it. I had problems with oxyracetam, pramiracetam and a choline supplement.

awe you missed aniracetam :p it's the one that helps with social anxiety and both voice pitch and word flow fluency.

Omega 3's help with anxiety and tight tendons, and what the above said,

http://www.erowid.org/smarts/

Well at this point I consider nothing to be off the table. There's really no way for my depression to worsen considering the only next step for my depression is suicide, which is a step up from the state I've been in most of my life. The only difference between life and death for me is that the living have obligations to fulfill and bear witness to everyone else living happy lives. I wish I could at least hold onto the memory of that inner warmth from clutching a stuffed animal... been so long since I've felt joy from anything.

Is there anything that can potentially increase motivation or allow for the capacity for pleasure? The effects you listed for aniracetam wouldn't really help me as my social problems stem mainly from being completely ignorant on all topics, being unable to experience positive emotions, and auditory processing issues.

I have bouts that come and go..... They can last for days though.
Sometimes it even makes me wonder if anyone would care if I was gone......

I think I was only truly depressed when my grandmother passed away. That lasted a couple of months.. but I have an overall disdain for life and people on a general level irritate me.

But overall (when i'm not depressed) I usually still enjoy my favorite activities among other things, yet my overall dismeanor is plagued with anxiety that it is impossible for me to enjoy things the way that I used to.

Depression for me hits in waves only.

It comes and goes for me, but it occurs very frequently so it's more like I have lapses of happiness than lapses of depression. What's ongoing for me is a feeling of emptiness. I guess if my head is filled with nothing but fears, insecurities, doubts, despair, and s**t like that then when the subject does change my mind just goes blank.

I am in low mood most of the time, with occasional overwhelming emotional pain. I last felt happy some months ago while I was watching my cats, only for a moment. Mostly I aim to reach a distracted contentment. I have been doing some volunteering recently, which has helped. I usually do not feel so bad when I am engaged in something.

Mine comes every winter. It starts with instability, and then collapse. It hasn't happened this year yet, but I'm bracing.

Well, I've experienced multiple bouts of depression, and most of them had happened at and are related to work. Sometimes, they come and go for me, but once they come, it could be devastating for me and other people around me. Maybe due to dissatisfaction with what I do, but also the stress of the work itself and the restrictions it carry cause me to fall into a huge breakdown, provoking meltdowns, tantrums, and what other people call misbehavior.

I am usually depressed.

Ditto on what Sweetleaf said.