Expressing Grief

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My father passed away yesterday after a prolonged battle with cancer. Part of me is glad that he is no longer suffering. By the end he was so weak he couldn't even lift his arms. Another part of me wishes he was still here.
People around me are crying; I can't cry at all. I just feel numb. My brain feels like it's misfiring and I'm in a bit of a trance like state. This is how I feel before I have a meltdown and I'm scared that all of a sudden I'll just lose it. I wish I could let my emotions out evenly, but I don't seem to be able to process anything right now.

Ann2011,

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father in 2006. He'd been in a nursing home for 4 years and was slowly fading away while in there, so I understand the conflicting feelings. I still haven't cried for my dad. That doesn't mean I don't feel sad that he's gone or that I don't think about him or that I didn't love him. We all show our grief differently.

If you do have a breakdown, just let it come. I think fighting it makes it worse. You lost your father. Everyone that loves you will understand. If they don't, they are not worth worrying about.

Big hugs to you. If you need to talk to someone, please feel free to IM me!!

Lisa

Thanks Lisa,
I'm sorry you lost your Dad as well. I guess we have to express our grief in our own ways. I'm glad I'm not the only who doesn't cry. Thanks for your support.

I was expressing grief for a while last year. I expressed it after I've lost an icon by not visiting my mum around the date that it happened, because she wasn't supportive. I broke down and crashed hard the day after I told her the news. We all grieve differently and at our own pace. I'm also very sorry about the death of your father.

Thanks for your thoughts. I still haven't cried, but the threat of a meltdown seems to have dissipated. Being able to express myself here and find support from others has really helped.