Into the depths of insanity.

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A rather lonely road.......alright well enough attempts at being poetic about it, but I am pretty convinced it's too late for me. It's become quite clear I won't be coming back from whatever's going on in my mind to make me feel this way. It's like I'm numb on the outside yet alone and dying inside. I doubt many people know how painful that is......wanting so much to let people in so they can comfort you.....but coming off so cold and numb on the outside they think you'd rather be left alone.


I never was very good at handling the hellish reality of things, sometimes I wish I had been the student who got shot at my highschool......then maybe I would not have to be experiancing what I am now. As much as I disagree with how society is set up no one wants to become an adult and then realise they cannot possibly hope to function in the society they where born in.....even if they do disagree with the society and would choose not to function within it either way.

I just don't know what to do....I guess I'll seek out psychological help like I have said time and time again I will and still have yet to. But I don't even know if I can trust anyone in the mental health feild.......I am so used to people in general just screwing with me and so may not be too cooperative when it comes to letting someone I don't even know mess with my mind in the hopes of making me normal even if they are licenced to do so. But then what have I got to lose its not like it can get much worse...

((((((((((Sweetleaf))))))))) I hope you manage to take some time out from what you are going through... sometimes it is good to get space from people and their crap.....

This is the hard cold truth about aspergers people, ive been feeling this way 2 for years now....all i can say is I have tried just about everything 2 change my mind, dosent work....so now im at home in this darkness....my imagination is turned off....nothing to do...noone to talk 2......

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=024X5qei3Iw&feature=related[/youtube]

heres a song 4 u

listen 2 the whole album its good and read the lyrix

coming of as cold, is better than coming of as strange or weird. everyone at my high school and college think I'm insane.
I always get make fun of me and treat me like I"m going to go columbine on the school at any moment. more so in high school, it really hurts my feelings.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiBX-ESFDF0&list=LL8OIUcKwzEjIA9gGS7U3_pQ&index=39&feature=plpp_video[/youtube]


1 more song

You owe it to yourself to try. As soon as I am able, i'm also going to see a mental health professional.

shark is right, you should atleast try to be happy and enjoy the life you were given.

I figured if things don't work out, I'll be happy living in the woods. A handful with tranquility...yeah. Ever think of just trying to live a life like that?