Today's my birthday. :/

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I'm 37. I'm middle aged, and if I had lived 100 years ago I'd be considered old. Half my life is over, and in the days when people lived to 60 it would've been two-thirds over. I bet most of my classmates from HS have fulfilling careers and happy families, and I have none of that, I live alone (on my parents' property, so I see them frequently, but I don't live in the same house with them literally speaking) and don't have a family of my own, or even a gf.

It was my choice not to have kids because I knew I couldn't be a good father and/or support them financially and emotionally, but it seems that everybody else has a career and a family and is able to support it and do it all and I'm not. I see women my age with several kids and no man to be a father, and I know that I couldn't just abandon my kids OR be a good father. So I didn't have kids.

I might be one of those old people who die and are not discovered for five years because they had no family to check up on them. What happens to autistics when they get old, nobody knows because there never were autistics before. What happens when there are millions of old autistics living on the streets because they were failures at life, and when one dies the city sanitation crew comes by and scoops up the body and buries it, and nobody notices that they're dead? Won't that be sad?

There won't be so much as a grave marker, there will just be a number. Who was number 1847, what was his name, what was he like? Nobody will know or care. There will just be cemeteries with thousands of dead autistics marked by numbers, the only remnant of society's failure to support those who couldn't support themselves.

I've seen photos of the cemetery at Goldfield, Nevada, where there was no access to stone for graves, so the dead person got a simple wooden cross, no name, not even the dignity of having a grave stone, just a wood cross. That may be the fate of the millions of people our society has produced who are unable to care for themselves, something unprecedented in human history. They achieved nothing in life, so they don't get a grave marker, since they had no money for one. They may not even be buried, since you have to buy a grave plot nowadays. Just burned. Just plow the ashes of the dead under for fertilizer or dump them somewhere like the Nazis did.

yeah, this is what birthdays do to me too

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mid-life_crisis

Or maybe not... In any case, sounds like it might be time to think real hard about looking for a new line of work.

What kind of career would be fulfilling for you? What skills would you need to learn to get there?

Figure you've got at least another 50 years or so to make it happen.

Birthdays started to feel like that for me around the age of 25. You see most of the people your age succeeding and it is just depressing.
I hope that you next birthday is happier.

Well, anyway. - Happy Birthday!

For some reason your post really reminded me of Mary and Max. Have you seen that?

I choose to believe that life isn't about social expectations and cultural milestones. To me it doesn't matter if I die in an unmarked grave, have my body burned and ashes dumped somewhere, or whatever. Once I die I will be dead, and irrespective of what happens to my remains they will then be reintegrated into the earth which will be a beautiful thing. I don't care if people grieve for me or not once I'm dead, because - like Dumbledore says - "death is but the next great adventure". Death is a new chapter, and a different existence. Once you are dead, everything in life ceases to be. But this is not a sad thing. I think the important thing, in life, is to live it in a way that is true to yourself.

It doesn't matter if you don't have a family or a career, all things considered to me these seem such small things in the vast intricacy that is living, breathing, human existence. Life brings endless possibility and endless opportunity for learning, growth, adventure, indulging the senses, creating, communicating, learning to communication, etc. Simply by being alive we are winners. We have won the sperm lottery. One in millions of sperm - we are the ones given the precious gift of life - of thinking, breathing, tasting, touching, hearing, seeing, smelling, living on the surface of this incredible planet.

I'm thinking unknown soldier with this one does it really matter if he was not known perhaps that soldier was autistic why would some one want to be known anyways what would be the point?



You can learn so much from a video game Albert Wesker once said " Chris did it ever occur to you only a few people really matter everyone else so much chaff."



"really matter" do they really matter I wonder if their was no Steve Jobs would the world be a lesser place? and if he hadn't been a ovarian lottery winner we'd have another Steve Jobs clone to take his place.

Wesker goes on to say ( he goes to far here ) that it's his job to seperate the wheat from the chaff and with urboros he can , urboros sounds like a fun 20 something party island yes? not a deadly nerve gas

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I know that feeling. My last birthday was on easter this year. spent it by myself in a dark room in some kids party. My parents didnt even remember my birthday. Only person that said happy bday to me was because she read it on her facebook while at the party. Just complete insignificance. And im barely a 1/4 of the way through with this s**t. just made me want to hurry the process up even more.

Yes I feel this way about my birthdays too. My kids don't understand why and they kindly try to cheer me up.
Sometimes it helps that I have kids, but they are a constant worry day and night. I hope you feel better after birthday has passed.
Maybe try to think of other things that day. I try to go somewhere I like, for me the mountains, if I can afford it. nature soothes me if it's somewhere quiet.

Yeah this happens to me time time. Its a harsh reality. I always want to get a job and save money before I do anything that I shouldn't do. I hope the best for your more days to come.

Dear Pezar, my birthday is a day before yours, and just as miserable. My only way of reaching out for companionship is WP, and it helps so much. You have computer access, take a class, visit some discussion groups here, there are 57,000 PLUS members here at WP, you WILL find some one to talk to...your life is very similar to others here and we all have the isolation and loneliness of autism. Stlkat

Happy Birthday ! !

Take it from someone "over the hill" ,,,,"more than middle aged"
(theres no way I'm gonna make to twice my current age)

Just being able to say youve made it past another year, and for me this past year has been pretty rough, but I made it and I'm wiser. AND I've still got hope, so you definatly do ! !