This is why I don't want any children

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I just know if I have a baby it will be born with some sort of Autism. I just know it. And I don't want that to happen.
When I was a child I gave my mum problems. And I know we could all argue and rant on that NT children can cause problems too, which is true, but I caused unique problems, the type what other parents didn't have to put up with with their kids and so my parents had to think of strategies of how to deal with my issues all on their own (OK they got in touch with child support services but they still felt rather alone since no other parents they knew had to put up with similar type of issues with their children). I kind of ruled the house when I was 3, and when I got to 5 I wrote out lists of what people can and can't do, and one of the rules was ''my brother must not watch TV after my bedtime''. That might be a little typical in a 5-year-old child, because going to bed early but having an older sibling staying up later can be upsetting for a younger child (little things seem really big for young children, I admit that).

But it's when I got older, to about 10, was when the problems grew more unique. I wouldn't let my mum wear certain clothes (can't remember the weird reasons why), and I followed my mum around the house all day long asking her questions, and I used to have temper tantrums like a toddler when other children came round and wanted to do ''normal'' things like listen to music. I was such a problem-creater, and when there was too many kids round my house I used to scream and cry the whole time because I couldn't have my own way with what I wanted to do, and one of my friends who came round had ADHD and so sometimes we clashed a bit, because he found himself causing aggravation without meaning to when there were other kids there, and I reacted strongly to it and caused a tremendous fuss, which drove the other kid's parents away and got my mum all upset and angry with me, and the neighbours got fed up with still hearing me having temper tantrums in the garden at 10 years old.....

No - I do not want to have a child like that. If only I could turn the clock black and be more sociable and happy as a child, instead of screaming and crying all the time and being miserable. My ADHD friend says he wishes he could turn the clock back and not cause so much unintentional aggravation amoung other kids and upset sensitive kids like me. Actually - I did actually get along with other kids better when he wasn't there, but I'm still not going to blame it on him. I shouldn't have reacted to strongly. I know all Autistic children are different but my child might be worse than this, or just a complete nightmare to live with.

Anyhoo, this is why I do not want a child born with a disability. It makes life hell for the parents, and makes the child regret it when he or she gets older, not for theirself but for their parents. I am not putting myself through all of that and bringing another miserable child into the world. Anyone with me on this?

There's the option of getting your tubes tied, maybe your government can pay for that. There's also condoms and birth control. Another good way not to get pregnant is to practice abstinence.

If that's how you really feel, then so be it. You have a right. This woman I knew married a much younger man who wanted kids. She was well past her prime child-bearing age and was afraid to have a child with Down's. So she adopted to infant girls from China. One is NT and the other is autistic. Do you know what she said to me? She said," If I had known I would be strapped with such a burden as this kid (the autistic one), I would have taken my chances and had a baby myself." I'm not judging her. I have no right to! But I was just shocked that she'd say it right out like that. She's ALWAYS depressed and very bitter about the adoption. She also said that she felt cheated in some way. Finally she met the man of her dreams - handsome, younger, wealthy and she was about to embark on her perfect dream life only to be cursed with a kid like this. I understand how she must feel but...life sucks....it's like that. A human being can only plan so much - the rest is left to chance. I'm sure that billons of people thought their lives would be different but they are what they are. No one plans on being raped, disfigured, diagnosed with cancer, getting drafted, becoming a casualty of war, etc.... BUT if that's how you feel, don't have a child. See that adopted autistic girl, her mom thinks she's not aware of her mother's feeling but SHE IS!! ! Kids know when they're not wanted - even ones that are severly impared - they just can't communicate it. The ones that can go about their whole life apologizing for being alive...even to themselves.

Well I do actually want children but not impaired children. There is more chance of having NT children for everyone, but for me I will probably have a disabled child since a lot of parents on WP seem to have at least 1 child with Autism. And many argue that it's a blessing to have Autistic children, and maybe it is for them, but not for me.

The word ''Autism'' has always had a depressing tone to it, and when I was little each time I heard the word, a dreaded miserable feeling came over me. It still does now. ''Neurotypical'' doesn't.

I was adopted shortly after I was born. Being that my adoptive mother was perfect (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), she began to regret her decision of adopting me. I was a hellish child from the day my adoptive parents brought me home. By the time I was 14, she admitted adopting me had been a mistake. I was never an easy kid to deal with. I was always crying when I was little. I had chronic ear infections, stomach problems, etc. I had problems in school in every grade starting with kindergarten socially & academically. But socially, my problems started when I was about 3 years old...maybe even earlier. I got bullied & teased relentlessly. I had learning disorders that went unrecognized & untreated. I wanted nothing more than to be loved unconditionally, but neither of my adoptive parents could stand my difficult personality. There were no names for what ailed me or caused me to be so awful. They dragged me from shrink to physician trying to get a proper DX though there wasn't one. They thought that if they beat me, yelled at me, punished me, I would just snap out of it. None of their methods worked to fix my issues. It just made me withdrawn & I learned that people in general could not be trusted. It led to years of frustration & hatred....both my parents & me. Mom had too high of expectations wanting the perfect child, & she grew to hate me & how difficult I was. I mean, I looked ok (kind of normal though I was ugly), it was my personality & all my issues/behavior that she despised. She wanted a little girly girl, & I threw temper tantrum whenever she tried dressing me in pretty clothes with ribbons & lace. I also hated shoes with hard soles. My preference was for leather soled moccasins from the time I could remember. I took her away from her world with a career & friends & dropped her into chaos...not the best place for a control freak as she was well outside her comfort zone. Never have lived up to her expectations as I have always embarrassed her (birth through middle age). She's gone now, probably at peace since she doesn't have to deal with me anymore. It's probably the happiest she's been in years.

I have 2 biological kids. My oldest has severe mental issues & my younger one probably has AS. So I would say I've definitely got back what I dished out when I was growing up, only more so. I was never as abusive as my parents. But I would say my parents certainly got their revenge when I had a difficult child of my own to raise. Some people just shouldn't have kids....I happen to be one of them. I do better with pets only. I don't have the patience & with all the abuse, I would have been better off not bringing any kid into this world.

@Joe, if you feel it would be bad for you to have kids, then don't. I had tubal ligation right after my youngest was born. It's a decision I have never regretted. There was a bit of discomfort following the surgery, but it only lasted for a few days. Much easier than a lifetime of dealing with a child you aren't prepared to raise. Having a special needs kid & not recognizing her as such is even more painful than having surgery. It's also heart breaking.

I don't want kids because I doubt I would be able to effectively take care of them, so it just seems like a pretty terrible idea.

Well, there are enough people on this planet (and enough morons like me that can't seem to stop poppin' 'em out) that no one who does not want to have kids (or risk having special needs kids) should feel pressured to do so.

For those who like kids but fear the possible genetic consequences-- even without adopting, there are plenty of kids out there that need a hug... And plenty of perfectly capable parents who would love a little relief now and again.

No one should feel pressured into having a kid if it's not what feels right to do. They're too much trouble to deal with for any reason other than unmitigated love and desire, the tidal heart-pull that says that is what you are meant to do.

can't they like get a sample of your sperm and pick a sperm without an autistic gene from those and fertilise an egg with it? So you can be 100% sure your baby won't have it. I would say, you should accept your children for who they are but to be honest, If I was in your position, I know I would have the same approach to it.

I can assure you that we all cause our parents hassle that we wish we hadn't as we grow older. I know yours were more unique and god knows, my son causes his fair share but my favourite quote in the whole wide world is, "when we know better, we do better" in other words, don't beat yourself up about something you did in the past provided you don't do it anymore

I don't want to have children for the same reason. I have a high chance of having a child with autism, Aspergers, ADHD, Tourettes and depression. My mum also has depression and my dad has ADHD and neither of them could cope with me. I know I wouldn't be able to cope with a young me either. My biggest worry is 'what if my kid is having a problem that I never worked out how to solve?' Recently I discovered how distressing this can be when I asked my Mum 'why can't I do well at anything?' Mum has never really had a job or an ambition and my Dad is just doing a 'paper pushing' job.

Getting the tubes tied is probably not an option really because they only do it for emergencies/people who have already had kids. I know because I was begging for it to be done at one point.

Jellybean, my doctor almost refused to do the tubal ligation for me. Said I was too young. But in the end, I persisted, & kept bugging him about it until he gave in. Is there a contract or something that you could sign stating that you understand what a tubal ligation is & that it's a permanent form of sterilization? I think I had to sign a consent form before I was able to have the procedure done. I also think if you were to tell a ob/gyn what your symptoms are that he/she would understand why you want one. I've never regretted my decision.

Tomboy