A question for Autism-haters only....

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This is just for Autism-haters only, like myself. I just have a question for you:-

If AS was ONLY being socially awkward and that's it, would you not be as ashamed of it? If it didn't involve all these other traits like sensory issues, prone to outbursts/meltdowns, intense obsessions that take over your life, more like to be prone to anxiety/depression, routine to make you feel secure, self-esteem issues, object blindness, and all those other things what are not necessarily related to being socially awkward?

So if you were as socially awkward as you are now, but wasn't afraid of loud noise or bright lights, and didn't feel like your emotions get too overwhelming for you, and generally were interested in more mainstream things, and you didn't get upset or overwhelmed too easily, and you had a genuine routine but not too ''strict'', and your self-esteem was generally average (depending on the type of person you were), and you had peripheral vision and could focus more on things you need to focus on, would you not feel so angry and upset about having AS?

I know I wouldn't mind having it as much, if it just involved social difficulties and that was it.

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Last edited by nat4200 on 19 Apr 2012, 4:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

Awkwardness is the easiest thing for me to work on.

Biggest problem is anxiety/depression. I don't really have significant sensory issues or obsessions or meltdowns. I haven't heard about object blindness, what is that?

Object blindness is a very awkward and embarrassing habit to have (and is hard to change). It's where somebody asks you to pass them an object like a pen and you don't see it anywhere, even though it's right in front of you. It literally happens to me, and I'm not exaggerating. Once I was trying to find an ice-cream machine in a Pizza Hut place, and I walked around looking for it but couldn't see it anywhere, so I asked someone where it is - only to realise I had passed it about 10 times and didn't even see it sitting there. But I seem to only have object blindness when there are other people around, as though I just lack confidence.

But anyway, not saying I would love Autism if I only had the social difficulties. I would still probably hate it or wish I wasn't like it, but I think I would be more acceptant of it, because it wouldn't affect my life a great deal. Well, it would because all conditions affect your life in some way, but I mean it would affect me socially only. I know this world values people with average social skills, but if it was ONLY social skills what I had trouble with and everything else about me was relatively normal, I think I would be OK with it. Here's some points what I would be happier if I didn't also have to put up with:-

I would love to walk down the street and not be affected greatly by loud sudden noises. When I see an ambulance or a fire engine coming towards me with it's lights flashing but no siren, I just know that it means it's siren will turn on any minute, and it f*****g scares me stiff. I freeze up, I go all shaky, I panic, I want to cover my ears so that the noise doesn't make me jump but I know people will look (because that's the way people are these days), and I am self-aware enough to know better than to draw attention to myself, being that I'm sensitive to critism and humiliation. If AS never involved intense sensory issues, that would be one pain off my chest (not literally).

These are 2 mixed up together, and I could do without either of them. It's obsessions and outbursts. If I can't pursue my obsessions, I will have an outburst because there is nothing more I can do than feel alone without my obsession. I am currently obsessed with a certain bus company, and I get their buses a lot (and I like the operators what run the services too), but because the bastard what is running this country is a complete dumb a***hole (I hate the f****r so much that I can't say his name, (pardon my French)), and I just know that he will cut those bus services what I get, and the bus company will also be affected in some way, and the rates at the airports are going down (which will also affect these bus services because they are based around the airports and drive through villages to take people to the airports), and I am just waiting for this all to happen. I really don't know how I will feel if I lost these services. I will break down. Plus I use one of the best services in this company to get to my job that I love.

Thirdly, disliking change is a f*****g pain in the arse, because it makes me feel like I want to control other people's lives in order to make me happy and secure (if they are going to change their lives that will affect me in some way), and I have break downs if people decide to change their lives. For example, my auntie wants to move to the town where I live, and I've always been used to her living in a town about 15 miles away from me, and I do love to see her and everything, but she is a very unorganised type of person, and when she comes round, the atmosphere always seems very hectic and everyone's always rushing about, and she's very dominent and bossy so the whole day's plan revolves around her and nobody says anything. She even sometimes stresses my mum out by her chronic disorganisation, so if that bugs an NT than it's definately going to bug an Aspie! So if she moved right near us then there definately won't be any time for ourselves, which will drive me insane! If AS never involved having issues with other people's disorganised lifestyle then life wouldn't be as bad.

It is bad enough putting up with social difficulties, without all these dreaded things that go with it! If it weren't for all of these dreaded things with it and was only social difficulties, then I would still be able to be a more ''normal'' type of person. Now do you know what I mean?

Last edited by Joe90 on 22 Nov 2011, 8:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

They sound quite bad. I don't really experience anything like that at all.

The only time I can think of object blindness in my life was when I was playing this one particular videogame. There were fire ghosts or something coming straight at me from all angles, at random. Since they were coming out of a fiery background I couldn't pick them out. My brother was watching me and could clearly see them, but I just couldn't react to them in time. Lol. Nothing major.

I don't like having autism because I have such bad sensory probllems and anxiety. I think if it was just social awkwardness I would cope with it. Some people seem to only really have social awkwardness and not the other things. I wish my autism would just go away.

Well it would be easier to explain to other people if Autism only meant social difficulties. You could just say, ''yes I find socialising difficult, I am afraid to speak up in case I say something wrong/I speak up a lot but I say the wrong things''. And then that would be it, there wouldn't be anything else for people to misunderstand, only that.

And it wouldn't it be grand if Autistics didn't give off the f**k off vibe to everyone? Wow.......

I wish I didn't have Asperger's because it keeps me from being the person I could be. I'm at a loss right now ... I know some people think AS is something that makes you different but still valid, but I just feel disabled. It's so frustrating - I can see what I could be, but when I try I'm just not capable.

Yes you're right.
It's annoying when some people here argue that if they were born as an NT then they wouldn't be themselves, but if they were born NT then they wouldn't know any better. I doubt they would sit there thinking, ''aww I wish I was the Aspie I could have been''. No NT thinks that (not as far as I know). But a lot of Aspies sit and think, ''aww I wish I was the NT I could have been.'' That's because there are more NTs in this world than non-NTs, and they're all around us, so it's sometimes only natural to realise how awkward or odd you are, whereas you wouldn't be thinking about that so much if you weren't born with any disabilities at all. It's like I wasn't born with Down's Syndrome, but I don't sit and think, ''aww I wish I was the Down's Syndrome person I could have been''. I just don't think that. It doesn't enter my head. All I dwell on is not being NT because there are so many NTs around me so I know more about NTs than about anything else - including Autism, and NTs take being NT for graunted too much. So that's why I get annoyed when people write ''if I was born NT I would hate it because I wouldn't be me.''

Nope. The awkwardness is the worst part.

That, and the anxiety.

But if I weren't so damn awkward, I wouldn't be half so damn anxious. I'd probably have more people to talk to when I got upset and more ways to distract myself from it, too.

But-- screw it. I've got it. I hate being sedated/silent more than I hate being clumsy. So-- screw it.

I'm not going to hate it any more. Starting last month, I love me. Whether anyone says I can, or not. [God] made me. [God] does not make mistakes. [God] just does things for reasons that no human being can wrap their limited little brain around.

No matter what condition you're in-- high or low functioning, successfully employed or living on the street-- same goes for you, too.

I don't care any more. I've had it with beating myself up over what I am, and what I'm not. The hell with it-- I love me. It worked for Pop, and it's going to work for me, too. I guess that means I'm no longer an AS-hater.

I think I would be the same person I am now if I was NT. I don't think autism defines who I am; it is a disability that makes it harder for me to function. I would love to not have autism. But I guess that's not going to happen.

Trying to make the best of things is hard for me right now. I feel defective and I can't find any "special interests" to excel at. I don't know where I fit in in the world.

I just wish I was still me but born NT. I would still be me, but with a better brain wiring. I would still probably be shy and serious, because shyness is a family trait, and most people in my family lack confidence and have low self-esteem. I mean, if I was still born me, in this same body, with the same parents in this same sort of life, then I would still be me, but just NT. I wouldn't miss the Aspie me because then Autism wouldn't have been known currently in my family and so I wouldn't know any better.

Uh, sorta.

My thing is, I've gotten over the social difficulties a bit. Like, as I get older, they're less of an issue. I wasn't introverted as a kid really, I sorta just became it after a while. Now that I'm older, and not involved in any constant social group type thing, I can sorta be myself more and be more extroverted, but odd. That, and I'm not bad looking really, which helps everything a lot. I'm socially awkward a bit, but not really "shy" if that makes sense? In some ways, my social awkwardness helps me, as now it just turns into extreme outgoingness? Like, I had no money and just asked people at an estate sale if I could have a bunch of stuff for free, and they said yes, and I got the stuff. Awkward? Yes. Effective? Yes.

I'm diagnosed NVLD, and the AS is more mild, or a PDD-NOS type thing. I have meltdowns very often, from my inability to really "think" with emotions. I don't really have sensory issues, however, NVLD basically makes it impossible to multitask effectively. I have to "think" everything out before I do it, which I didn't realize til a short while ago that not everyone does that. So, my main problem is the whole getting overwhelmed by seemingly idiotic things and then going into meltdowns and like hitting my walls and yelling at people like an idiot. I used to suppress my emotions completely, and I was calm. However, I wasn't happy, but it was the way I was forced to be for survival. So now that I can see happiness again, I also get the drawback of sadness, anger, and frustration. However, what happens is, a point gets reached when people experience so much negativity that they just adapt to it, and it no longer affects them. An example would be, if you're conscripted into military service, you have to either adapt and ditch your emotions, or you're just going to wind up dead. I had to go through a similar experience in my life, so for a time, I just had no emotions at all. Nothing would make me really angry or sad, but nothing would make me truly happy either.

The way my NVLD works, it's a blessing and a curse. It's blessed me with a 130+ verbal IQ, so I'm very talented verbally, and thinking in general. However, it's cursed me with like an 80 or so nonverbal IQ. So basically, I'm half a genius, half almost ret*d. If both IQs were 130+ I'd be Superman, I guess. I'd then basically be a god compared to any "NT" in all regards. I don't know if that'd be fair. What I don't think I want, though, which is the way most NTs are wired, is both their IQs are pretty close. So my IQ average is 110, so both IQs being 110-100 or so, I don't think I'd want that.

The only other drawback is visual spatial problems in my disease. It's hard to judge the distance of cars, etc, while driving. And doing a hobby I love, skating, takes lots of time for me, due to my visual spatial issues. I suck at video games for the most part, too, unless I try like 10x harder than the normal person at them. I got a friend, right, who can like, eat dinner with a knife and fork while driving. Me, I can't even handle picking up my phone while driving or switching a song on my mp3 player. That, and he's completely confident, at, say, crossing a railroad bridge that I feel I'm in imminent danger of death being on.

So basically, I want the benefits of being me without the drawbacks. Basically I wanna be superhuman.

It's only natural.

It's somewhat of a tough question for me because social awkwardness really is my biggest issue. But at the same time, it's also all of those other factors that really exacerbate it and make it such a big issue for me in the first place.

If I could live in a typical environment without being bothered by the slightest noise or crease in my shirt, being able to sleep sufficiently and consistently, learning incompetence, weird compulsive need to do certain things etc. then I would be a lot more comfortable with myself in general and would most likely be able to overcome it a lot easier. It's these other traits which can really get in the way of doing activities with others or just being able to go out and do normal tasks, and even outing me out as a target for mockery. Furthermore, they can impair me in such a way that even the smallest of things that wouldn't bother anybody else can become a huge problem for myself.

For example, I might need to go to a crowded place to shop for something. On my way, there might be roadworks or something and all of a sudden without warning they'll be the very loud clanking of machinery. This'll likely cause me to jump and cause me brief stress and anxiety, all the while directing the attention of passer-bys which then makes me feel even worse and uncomfortable, especially if any comments are made about the situation and it really brings down my self-esteem and further increase my social phobia.

However, if I didn't have a problem with loud noises or sudden unexpected events to the extent I do, then it would of caused me minimal anxiety and I probably wouldn't of jumped. I would of been able to just continue walking as normal, and I wouldn't of had the issue of others witnessing it and potentially mocking me for it. As a result I wouldn't be as self-concious about what others are thinking about me, and I'd be able to just get on with tasks without having to worry about little things that can cause me anxiety.

So yes, I'd probably be fine if all there was with AS was just social difficulties, because it'd be much easier for me to overcome them and there'd be far less that would impair or even reverse that progress. I also have object blindness like Joe90 described and it's only increased in severity coupled with my rather major short sightedness. This makes me very difficult for me finding my way around place, especially if I need to find something specific. Of course, that really doesn't help either. I suppose in a sense it's all these things which may really define the social difficulties I have, but I have also been in situations where none of my quirks have gotten in the way and still felt socially awkward- it's just that in those instances I felt like I could overcome it.

The only thing I don't dislike and would never change is having more "unique" interests. The sometimes severe compulsive need I have to go into great obsession with them? Sure. But I enjoy my interests and have found many people who- NT or not- also share similar interests and have unique quirks about them, and it's just really fun to be apart of a unique clique if people and being able to discuss about different things outside of your everyday norm. And I guess, as has been discussed above, it's not really the autism that defines them anyway. It's more so the level of obsession with them.

That just sounds like your brain is preoccupied with analysing social behaviours, and not focused on what an object might be shaped like or where it might be likely to be located.

Autism and Asperger's is largely about how the brain focuses, with people on the spectrum needing much more conscious focus to do tasks that other people do sub-consciously/automatically.

Personally, I think that's an absolutely WONDERFUL thing. Rather than automatically doing things, we do things... for actual reasons!

Of course what sucks the most is our society does not teach children how to learn socialising from a procedural context, it's always about emotions.

I have spent my life intensely focused on studying humans, I hope to write a book and web site laying out the hundreds of thousands of rules I've learned about how humans operate, so even if you don't feel emotions in a given situation, you can still respond "appropriately".