Leopards never change spots?

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J-Greens
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20 Nov 2011, 3:51 am

Like the title, I'm wondering if Aspies can ever change the problems they've been given? It seems every attempt at improving a part of my lifestyle just doesn't work or stick together and it's really draining.

It's not like I'm getting any younger to recapture those moments I've missed and if I want any chance to do those moments, I'm going to have make the changes neccessary to achieve them. Yet after barely a couple of days, or in some cases 24 hours, they're deemed unneccessary and abandoned. Some don't even get to the starting point because of all the problems I can think of, the biggest one is joining a gym, looking at all the costs involved, from zero to an active rota like particpation is about £200 for the first month and then about £30 a month afterwards on essentially a gamble that I'll stick to the rota I'd build and enjoy it enough not to just give up, again.

It's all draining when I've set myself a new challenge that will ultimately improve my situation and the opportunities I want, but quickly give up, again. Part of me feels as if I should keep attempting and the other feels as if I can't change the cards I was drawn, so to speak.

It's all very frustrating right now.



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20 Nov 2011, 4:13 am

First step is knowledge, second step is wisdom 8)



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20 Nov 2011, 5:07 am

Change always happens, even if you do not notice it. Always.


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purchase
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20 Nov 2011, 9:46 am

Who says you're a leopard? Maybe you're a chameleon or butterfly.



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20 Nov 2011, 1:20 pm

You're always changing and growing. It's just hard to notice, sometimes.


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J-Greens
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21 Nov 2011, 5:29 am

I get the metaphors and messages, but I don't see how they work here?



Mishmash
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21 Nov 2011, 10:31 am

To me, and of course I may be wrong, it sounds like you are setting yourself goals and challenges and expecting yourself to react to these as an "NT" (I use quote marks coz I hate the term) would.
Could you take the same challenge and adapt it to you; to what you can manage and would prefer?

For example I hate going to the gym (ew, other people, smells, germs, OMG what do I even wear? etc), so I have a variety of yoga and pilates videos that I do at home when I feel like it (much cheaper than gym membership!). I like zumba on the Wii (I like the music) and when I feel up to it I go for short walks and occasionally attend a yoga class which is small and has a instructor who I find friendly, calming and understanding.



J-Greens
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22 Nov 2011, 11:03 am

Alright, I see what you mean, but putting it into practice is totally different; try dating for example, if I were not to go NT - directly asking, how would an Aspie go about it? I've gone down the whole nice guy building friendship route & both times at the end of the road there is...her boyfriend, so then I'm stuck with both a growing attraction and a good friendship against some chump who's already skipped that first chapter. Hmph. Yeah thanks but no thanks.

To me it's not whether I use Aspie or NT methods of achieving goals, it's whether as an Aspie can I achieve that goal in the first place?



Mishmash
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23 Nov 2011, 5:40 am

J-Greens wrote:
I've gone down the whole nice guy building friendship route & both times at the end of the road there is...her boyfriend, so then I'm stuck with both a growing attraction and a good friendship against some chump who's already skipped that first chapter. Hmph.


This isn't a problem exclusive to people with aspergers, this is something that everyone (guys and girls) experience in life. I have many times in the past tried to get close to someone in a romantic way only to discover ooops, I went too far and am now firmly in the FRIEND ZONE! :o( Your tone sounds like you're feeling a little defeated right now, so I just wanted to say try and stay perky and don't give up on your goals! :o) Anyone can achieve whatever they set their mind to in life. John Couch Adams, Issac Newton, Albert Einstein and David Bellamy didn't let it stand in their way so why should you?! :o) (I found these names here http://incorrectpleasures.blogspot.com/ ... rtant.html )

Apologies if you thought my advice in my last post was inappropriate, it wasn't clear that your question was about dating, you used the example of the gym so I expanded upon that example in my post.



J-Greens
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24 Nov 2011, 8:20 am

I never said it was inappropriate, and I don't think it is.

I do wonder as aspies, are there some problems that can't be solved?