can't take it no mo

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i don't know whether to kill me or the dog or that woman who snuck up behind and yelled, "I wonder if you would mind picking that up." I picked up the last two, how was I to know he would make a third? and she went on and on and on, real loud, right int he middle of the street. and i showed her the bag with 2 others but she kept yammering.

and last night, i was coming back with dawg, and i dropped the leash when we got off the elevator, as usual. when i was unlocking my door, the couple next door opened their door and made some kind of "Oh No!" pantomime and said "Back, Arnie (their dog) back!" - the wife said too me, 'your dog is off-leash.' so i opened my door, put my dog inside and said 'there you go.'

the thing is, i've been stalked and watched and pranked and you name it, for my whole life. and now it feels like Here We Go Again. The only safety is to stay inside. But how to do that with a dog. He's 11 yo. Nobody wants him. And the one night I got somebody to take him, we both had a nervous breakdown, me and dawg, i mean.

okay, so i have him on leash at all times now. even standing in front of my own door, which is stupid. and i'll have to watch dawg like a hawk and make sure he didn't drop an extra marble. does this make me feel safe? no.

call me paranoid, sure, but just to show my face was enough to get punched at one point. and ridiculed etc. in school, kids used to make a big circle around me and make catcalls. a long time ago? yes, but it went on and took more adult forms. it never stopped.

i'm shaking from insides out.

Don't kill anybody (or the dog.) You will only feel worse. It sounds like you ran into some bad luck.

I have a similar problem. I have a little Chihuahua; I absolutely adore her. But I dread walking her because she barks at everyone. I've gotten nasty looks and comments: "Can't you stop her," "Can't you control your dog," etc. It is so frustrating because the last thing I want to do is draw attention to myself. I hate going outside to begin with.

I don't know how you feel, but I would rather deal with the stress this causes than give her up - she's my dog. I wish she wouldn't bark. And sometimes I have to have "alone time" after her walks, but she's worth it.

Those pushy bullies can get stuffed.

Thank you. It's good to know I'm not alone. I wouldn't hurt the dog. Just spent half an hour scratching his ears. That was only bad luck? It wasn't more of the stuff I've been putting up with since forever?

I can only speak for myself, but I find sometimes these experiences cluster together. I'll go for days with nothing upsetting happening, then I get hit with a whole bunch of negativity from totally unconnected places.

you aren't currently dealing with bullies, just busy bodies. when we have PTSD, it's hard not to see everything as an attack. i doubt you're in any danger from any of these folks. do whatever it takes to calm yourself - music, a cup of hot cocoa, a good soak in the tub. these folks were just telling you how they would handle the situation. in truth, i can see their point. though i probably wouldn't have said anything to you about the dog droppings, i would have thought it. where i live there are leash laws, and you would have been breaking them.

Thank you so much for your feedback and help. Something just occurred to me. I think I know why it was the end of the world. The woman said to me, "Pick that up." Aha. My father, the mean drunk, used to burst into our bedroom in the middle of the night, snapping on the light and slamming the door open. He'd yell, "Get out of those beds *now*!" And he'd line us up at attention in the kitchen and yell at us for a few hours. One night, he yelled at me, "Pick that up!" And I looked and there was nothing there. He yelled, "Pick that up, I said!" and I tried. That was a point of trauma. I kept bending down and picking up an imaginary thing and he was lunging at me, hollering ... I can't finish this. No point to going back there.

But at least now I know why it hit me like a ton of bricks.

If anybody wants to pat me on the head and say, "There, there" I wouldn't mind.

Gosh that's awful. You shouldn't have had to go through that. I don't know how people can be so mean to others; especially children.

Thank you. What you say is more than kind, in a world where those things happen and nobody says anything.

I'm sorry about all that you've been through. It also bothers me that some bullies never change as they get older.