I really am not sure about posting this and have been contemplating it for a while. I don't view my challenges as severe as many of the others that are posted here, but I really don't know where else to turn with what is bogging me down and leave me completely depressed.
I am an Aspie. I am 41. I am incredibly smart, to my detriment.
I have managed to muddle through life and adapt as best I could before my diagnosis, which was less than a year ago. The process of making it through life has left me isolated. I don't have friends. I have a wife and two children. My children are young, and although my wife loves and supports me, she is not able to provide the sort of interaction that I really need.
I spent most of my life being beaten down by NT's telling me how I am a know-it-all and that being right isn't everything that now I doubt myself and my intelligence. I am software architect and a graduate student. I know I need to move into more of a research job that is better suited for my skill level. Part of doing that is starting to publish work and speak about it. I really have complete confidence in what I do except when it comes to presenting it to others.
I know I need to find a support system of people of similar intellectual abilities that can provide a more honest assessment of my work, but how do I find such people, especially ones that will understand my challenges? "Wanted: Geniuses to hang out with that get Aspies?"
I know it all sounds simple, but this whole situation leaves me depressed and feeling like I will never live up to my potential because I am too paralyzed by fear of the response to do anything. I have a head full of information and ideas, but I can't bring myself to just start putting them out there. Anymore I just feel like I should give it all up and just be content to be and do nothing.
27 Nov 2011, 2:21 pm
